Time To Be Thankful

I confess to feeling like a sucker today! And why do I feel like a sucker do you ask? Well, because my last blog entry was 3 weeks ago and it was such a personal victory, that I thought "surely I should have followed it up with something really cool,"right? Right? Well, I didn't. And while I'm not proud of that, I shall carry on.

Truth of the matter is, I hadn't felt very inspired to write anything. Not that I was upset, I just wasn't inspired. Then, today I recalled that I hadn't done a gratitude post in quite sometime. When I first started this blog, gratitude was (in addition to developing the regular habit of writing) one of my main reasons for doing so. I wanted to challenge myself to find reasons to be thankful everyday or at the very least a couple of times each week give intentional thought to the vast reasons I had to be more appreciative of my life. So here goes:

• I finally kicked my apartment redesign into gear and have found some really cute things. I'm tackling the project one room at a time and will reveal photos of each room as they are completed. The bedroom is first. 
• After trying to sell my dining table on Craigslist, I was informed of a family who had lost everything in a fire and so, I donated the table to them. And since donating the table, I have all sorts of room to dance around my apartment (the table was too large for the space). Is it really necessary to have a dining table? I really don't want to lose the square footage again te he he!
• Life Revolution Coaching, LLC is a registered business in the state of New York with a federal EIN, and it's own business banking account! May seem small to some, but it's a tangible manifestation of a long personal process. 
• I aced my Foundational Coaching exam and am expecting the certificate any day now!!! Owa Owa!!! I still have several more courses to take, but I'm well on my way to certification!! 
• The Songbird was entered into the Classical Writer Hall of Fame (I think that's the proper title)!!! She has been laboring (in love) for quite sometime to pursue her passion so, I'm pleased to acknowledge this accomplishment with her. 
• I just started working with a new coaching client and I'm pretty excited about the direction I think she is headed!! 
• The Tator Tot and The Boys all enjoyed their Easter gifts from TT Tracey:-) Who is the world's best aunt? Who? Say it louder please!!! Yep, that's right...ME!!! 
• Provision is continually being provided even when I'm certain I didn't deserve it. And even when I think I did, I probably still didn't. But oh so thankful anyway!! 
• I FINALLY went out and bought some yarn for my first knitting project. That's right folks, knitting!! And, Cajun Spice didn't throw me a side eye mean enough to be felt over the phone!!!! 
• I'm thankful that I'm comfortable enough with myself and my Source to honestly share my process with folks. I'm not perfect. I do make mistakes, but I've learned a lot and I'm trying to use that wisdom to help others. 
• IT'S SPRING!!!!
• There are many more reasons I can think of, but I believe best of all is that while I started this entry feeling a little not so great, I'm ending on a high note. Just by simply typing reasons I've had to be thankful over the past couple of weeks, it's pepped me up from my sourpuss mood today!!! 

*Photos via a new design blog I'm stalking Design Fabulous

Inspiration: Stalker or Addiction

I have a problem. My problem at the moment is rather unique and confusing...

I am, as I have been for the past month or so, completely inspired. I can't blink my eyes without opening them to some new form of inspiration. As a person who fancies themselves a creative, this is the perfect place to be in. But of course I go against the tide and therefore massive inspiration has turned out to be a thorn in my side. Being inspired is a wretched place for me because I haven't been able to do anything with it. Sure, I could jot things down in one of my many journals bought for the expressed purpose of doing so or my lovely iPhone app bought for the same, but I can't. Or rather I won't. I'm not sure why.

People I've never met in situations I've never been in beg of me to write their life stories to gain confirmation from the world that they exist. They seek solutions from me that give them a process to a more peaceful existence. And yet each time I am introduced to them, I am forced to turn them away. Thus, another day goes by without them having closure, healing, peace, joy, or the overall abundance that they need and deserve. There is also beauty seeking to be created by me that I cannot be bothered with finding the time to do so. Or the organization for execution.

The inspiration at this point is stalking me and I don't like it. Having had a stalker for a very brief moment in college (long story, another post) I know what being stalked feels like. Literally everywhere I turn there is something there begging me to provide commentary or creation. If I watch the news, read a blog, read a magazine, walk down the street or in the grocery store (I took photos of colorful produce in Whole Foods last week), sit on the train, have a conversation, hell even reading gouge-your-eyes-out-it's-so-boring legal deposition transcripts provide sources of inspiration.

Or is it not stalking me at all, but rather I've become addicted to it? I can't sleep without having a hit of inspiration. I literally stay up much longer than is necessary or what can be tolerated to look at "one more movie/tv show/blog/magazine/book." That's what I literally tell myself at night. I wake up and, deeming the computer that is truly only 2 feet from the bed too far, I reach for my phone and let the powers of 3G welcome me to a new day. I sit at work wondering where the new shot of inspiration will come from.

I must beat this demon. Inspiration is supposed to be a good thing. Too many people are depressed over living an uninspired life. Despite the challenges I face in this current season, I have what many don't: inspiration which gives me reason to press on, a basis for creativity. Some would simply call it hope. Some may call it the blueprint for a vision. No matter what, I must translate it into productivity and not the vessel for idleness it has become.

"Can of Inspiration" by Department of Doing 

Did It Skip Me

On the phone with the Silver Fox last night I realized something that I so often realize when talking to him, he tries to operate in excellence. He doesn't call it that, but plain and simple: he does the best job he can possibly do with whatever task he is given. When I thought about it, my entire immediate family is that way. When I think of my mom planning family vacations, parties, events, cooking, raising us, etc. she does the very best she can with the resources available. My brother and sister also face the things they are charged with with an "I'm-Doing-My-Best" attitude. Even if the end result isn't always what they wanted, I believe they've done their best. I hadn't noticed this until my adult years. But now that I have, I'm a bit bothered that I hadn't always had that attitude. Did it skip me? I mean, I am the middle child. Could it be true that the middle child always ends up with some sort of shortcoming or personal hang-up not seen in the others? My mom, sister, and brother take to water like fish and I'm still trying to improve my stroke to graduate to the deeper ends of the pool (In years of pool diving I've never seen the Silver Fox get his feet wet. Never!). Could excellence have skipped me as apparently the natural ability to swim did?

This weekend I went back and read through the posts that I'd made last week. I was shocked and embarrassed to see so many mistakes I'd made grammatically, especially when I know that I know better. Not only do I know better, but I'm trying to live a life of excellence. I'm an excellent proofreader most of the time and yet I failed to catch very simple mistakes in those posts. I contemplated if I was being too hard on myself, but I concluded that I wasn't. There is no such thing as being reasonably too hard on myself if I'm trying to be an operator of excellence. Even if no one caught the mistakes, I know they are there. I wanted to go back and correct them, but I've decided to leave them as a reminder that I have to be more attentive, more meticulous. Besides, I'm a person with outsized goals for my life. That will require buy-in from others in order to manifest. How can I ask people to trust me when my product is less than best?  It's something I'll continually work to improve.

Why Do We Need So Many Reminders To Be Grateful

The past two weeks of my life have been really interesting. I'll spare you the details (too long a story for now), but just know that there were a few times I wanted to intentionally forget what a Christian walk was supposed to look like and just yell in the street. I'm not saying this is completely normal for everyone else, but I firmly believe anyone trying to live a life of conviction, no matter their belief system, experiences moments of frustration and are tempted to scream out "Why??!!" But of course, God could always yell back "Why not?!"

About 30 mins ago I had a rant/venting session with a friend over something that another friend had done. I totally let my emotions take control and I was perfectly ok with being upset the rest of the night about it. Silly, but true. I was going to actively choose to be angry because I felt I had been done wrong. Then, I get to my apartment and in my rush to pack (I'm supposed to be in Maryland to visit with Cajun Spice in 5 hours and I haven't anything clean to pack. Again, another story for another day SMH) and I checked my messages. I had a message from a dear friend that was short and sweet. However, in the short and sweet message I was reminded that my friend had lost far more than what I had been complaining (most ranting/venting is complaining) I'd lost just a few moments ago. And on top of the loses of this friend, I've NEVER heard them complain/vent/express any frustration.

I literally had to pause, take a breath, close my eyes, tell God I was sorry, tell Him thank You for the things and people in my life, and rushed to make a blog entry (I should probably be packing). I don't ever desire to be a Christian who wants people to believe I have it all figured out and that I don't have moments when the flesh wins over the spirit. No one's Christian walk is perfect. We all still sin on a daily basis. There are things I'm beyond at this point and consider them to be utter foolishness now, but I understand it's a lifetime process of growth for us all. I'm loved, I'm blessed, I'm thankful. I just wish I didn't need to keep reminding myself of that sometimes.

What's It Worth

Does anyone remember the Martin Lawrence and Danny Devito movie What's the Worst That Could Happen? In the movie Martin plays a thief who, while in the process of a burglary, is busted by the home owner played by Danny. As the police have Martin cuffed and ready to haul off, Danny lies and tells the cops that the ring Martin is wearing is his. Thus ensues a cat and mouse chase so that Martin can get back the ring. If by now you are judging my choice in movie selection just know I bought the DVD when Martin was hot and I wanted to watch something silly this weekend.

In a scene in which Martin is trying to explain the definition of value to his girlfriend, who had given him the ring, and why he was fighting so hard to get it back he describes worth as nothing more than a man made valuation of something. He held a Faberge egg up and told her that some people thought it's value to be pretty significant, but he on the other hand didn't think much of it. In fact, he threw the egg in the trash. The ring on the other hand was priceless to him. Last week in church, my pastor described value as simply the price you are willing to pay for a thing. Isn't that so true?

I'm now ruminating on the values I've placed on things in life. In a conversation this afternoon with the Bronx Bomber, I told her how I had some time ago come to the conclusion that my life didn't accurately reflect my interests. However, I failed to see that in that same way, it didn't reflect the things that I truly valued either. In his sermon, my pastor also stated that if you were hesitant to pay the price for something then, it was just a preference. Deep thought has revealed this to be pure unfiltered truth!

Here are a few such examples of where I've previously missed the mark in valuation in my life:

1. Dating: Back to the standards conversation from spring, I've always told myself I valued myself high enough to not let someone treat me less than what I know I am worth. Yet time and again, my standards weren't always solid and I accepted less than my asking price. Mentally, I told myself I was worth complete adoration, respect, and consideration. I didn't all the time get that and I didn't, for the most part, demand it. I left the suitor believing that his assessment of my worth was accurate when it couldn't have been further from the truth.
   
2. Family and Friendships: I believe these two sets of people are priceless. There is untold wealth in having a family that nurtures, loves, and supports you from the beginning as well as friends who love you enough to overlook your character quirks and still choose to be in community with you (unlike family, friends have every right to pack their camel and go if the relationship seems like too much work). And here I am going home so infrequently that I'm always nervous that the Tot is going to forget what I look like. It would probably help if my hair wasn't different each time she saw me. Although I try to stay in touch with people as much as possible, I hadn't consistently lived up to that. The Stormy One literally works a 5 minute walk from my office and yet she and I see each other only about once every other month. Ms. Scorsese lives 3 blocks from my apartment and I see her once a quarter, if that frequently. This is unacceptable. I understand people's schedules are tight these days and everyone has their own concerns, but I know I can step it up with my contact. I do a good job of staying in touch. I'm aiming for doing a great job!
3. Health: I've always enjoyed being physical. I believe that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. I want to grow older fabulously. Then why aren't I exercising daily or on a consistent weekly basis? I do try to hit the track but I go through spurts where I'm there for 2 months and off for 3 months. This is unacceptable. I have to keep my body active and well in order to take care of this temple I've been entrusted with. Long life and good health are just as priceless as the relationships with loved ones. How important is it to me to have a body that doesn't need Spanx? I tell myself it's very important, right up there with maintain all my teeth, but I'm not diligent about what I eat or how much I exercise. This is no longer acceptable either.

These are just a few examples of my life not reflecting where I place the highest value. Our mental perceptions of how we see ourselves unfortunately don't always line up with the reality of who we actually are. The list could've gone on to include certain hobbies that I'm extremely interested in like knitting (get all your giggles out now but you'll be sorry once I have fly sweaters and you don't), comedy, home improvement projects (I'm aware that I need to own a home first), etc. What are some of the things in your life where you thought you placed a high value and discovered it was only a preference. Don't leave me out on a limb because I know I'm not the only one!

Oh Calm Down

It seems my mention of a "secret habit" raised a couple of eyebrows yesterday. Well let me set the record straight, my habit is nothing tantalizing. I confess right now that I'm addicted to blogs. It's true. Daily I read gossip blogs, political blogs, real estate blogs, Brooklyn and Harlem blogs, food blogs (just waiting for someone to dedicate a blog to bread!!!), beauty blogs, current events blogs, and blogs about blogs. If there's a blog about it, I'll read it. Of course I read real news as well but I love blogs. Maybe if I didn't spend so much time reading the blogs of others, I'd have more time to post of my own:-) But reading is fundamental so is my blog habit really so bad? Does anyone have a habit they'd like to confess to? Hmm....

I Owe You An Apology

Hi Folks, 

While reading an article on The Times website just now about abandoned blogs, I was immediately struck with conviction. Because I track visits to the site, I can see that I've been getting hits everyday. Thanks so much for your support, but I owe you all an apology. I don't want to take your support of me for granted and that's exactly what I've done. I started out with a bang, making posts daily. But some how some way, my productivity shuttered. Oops. 

On Friday, Part-Time Puerto Rican made a joke about the frequency or infrequency with which I was making posts and it stung a little. I wasn't offended, just had a moment of shame. So often we, no I, start "hobbies" with really great intentions and then, they fizzle. Keep me honest people. If I don't make a post everyday or at least every other day, call or email me and tell me off. I do want to keep this thing going. And unless I explicitly say I'm no longer blogging, then I need to be held accountable. Sad but true, I do!  

Ok Favorite Person

I got your email last night and I have no excuse for my lack of posts. Truly I don't. Any reason would just be an excuse in support of mediocrity. But if I must offer any reasoning, it would be my still dismal track record with time management...

Am I Wrong

Anyone acquainted with the Trader Joe's shopping experience knows that although the food is tasty and the prices are great, you have to be a bit of an adventurer to shop there. The stores are small and always overcrowded. A wait in the "Any Number of Items" line is usually 15 minutes minimum. Last night I was in the ANOI line and it seemed to be moving briskly along for a very scant moment. Then IT happened. 

Simultaneously, the line ceased to move briskly and an Asian couple (of what nationality I do not know) got in line behind me. I'm no xenophobe, but the problem lies in the fact that Asian countries are usually populous and the people are accustomed to being VERY close in proximity to one another at all times. And I'm not talking about a NYC close where on any given rush hour ride someone's crotch is likely to be in your face if you were lucky (or unfortunate) enough to find a seat on the jammed packed train. I understand these moments because the people don't have a choice. Nah, these people in line behind me had a choice indeed and they chose to get close enough behind me where I could feel their breath on my neck. 

I have not personally heard an Asian dialect that was pleasing on the ears. They are very rough sounding languages to me. Sorry, but I'm being honest.  They spoke roughly and quite loudly. The line seemed to be crawling along at this point, and I was hungry and annoyed. I tried to turn to them and sigh thinking that would inform them of their too close for comfort presence. It didn't work. I then shifted positions from the back of my cart holding the handles to standing on the side of it. Nope, still nothing. Finally, I asked them if they'd like to skip me. It took them a minute to understand what I was trying to get them to do, but then they took me up on my offer. I stayed as far as I could behind them and never heard their conversation the rest of the time I was in line. 

Was I wrong? I should add that they only had 5 items so, really they were in the wrong line to begin with. I still can't help but wonder if my offer of kindness was somehow wrong or rude? Any opinions? 

Everyday Is A Day For Learning (It may seem long & random but flow with me please)

Today's lesson: Life is not a dress rehearsal! 

In a Gmail chat this morning with Bronx Bomber, I told her to come to the dark side of accepting that most people/companies/products/experiences will not live up to your expectations. The notion of excellence is absent from the collective consciousness. I don't know where it started or when, but I know that walking around with preconceived notions about what things should be, will usually lead to disappointment. The more one fights this viewpoint, the more annoyance it causes. 

Throughout my life, I have been guilty of seldomly displaying commitment and excellence. In fact, I've subtitled this blog "An exercise in excellence" to push myself to higher levels of productivity and quality. But true to habit, I haven't always hit the mark. When a friend pointed out some areas of improvement, I neglected to see she was only trying to get me to where I've expressed I want to be. Instead, I got offended because of my own personal admittance of mediocrity that I didn't want anyone else to notice. However, mediocrity, just as excellence, cannot stay hidden. They are both easily apparent. They both lunge at you like that one old dude in the club who is trying to prove he's "still got it." And over time, they stick to you like the so-so looking guy you allow to buy you a drink then he bothers you the rest of the night. 

Today I received a call from my mom telling me that one of her long-time friends had passed away. A woman I admired growing up for her ability to be funny, smart, popular, honest under all circumstances, no respecter of persons, and stylish while doing so. Our families worshipped, traveled and weathered storms together. Mrs. Kelly you will be missed. 

At 15 when I had an idea for a teen-talk show on a local radio station, my mom told Mrs. Kelly and she arranged a meeting the station's GM so I could present it to him. I gave my first pitch and it felt great. The GM liked the idea and told me to flesh it out a little more and to follow-up with him. As was already a habit, I didn't complete the task and the station went ahead with the idea a few months later sans me. Every Sunday I listened to the radio as kids who had "stolen" my big break waxed on about whatever it is that teens wax on about. My mom and Mrs. Kelly later  wanted me to be a debutante in my senior year. I went to one meeting then refused to go back. When a good friend began to share about her debutante festivities at school, I was quietly regretting my decision to forego the opportunity. In college, Mrs. Kelly and mom suggested I join a sorority, I again refused. I now see friends who did join and wonder if I missed out on anything. 

I was a quick starter of things and an even faster stopper. My one consistent behavior in life is that I was utterly inconsistent. I couldn't tell you how many hobbies (clarinet, piano, cheerleading, cross-country running, ceramics, the list could go on) my parents shelled out cash for and I didn't stick to any of them (after several years of piano you'd think I could eek out Twinkle Twinkle Little Star or something). I was okay for far too long with being "just me." I declared my inability to commit to simply being a diverse creative personality who wanted to try it all. In and of itself, there's noting wrong with that. 

However, life is not a dress rehearsal. We only get one shot at this and so we better make it count. Sure, try new things and if you don't like them, move to the next. But don't change up so much that you never give yourself the opportunity to excel at anything. We are all truly talented at something, maybe even a few things. Do those things the best you can every time you can. And for the other few things you're not gifted at, be smart about getting help or deferring to those who do excel at them. 

Maybe Bronx Bomber doesn't have to adjust her expectations on everything. Maybe if we all held one another to higher standards, people will see it's ok to step up. Maybe the frustration we feel when things don't meet our expectations is because it's our spirit telling us that we need to challenge the status quo until the generally accepted behavior is one of excellence from everyone. Maybe, I don't know. As for me, Operation Step-Up is in full gear. 

I wish I'd have stepped up and told Mrs. Kelly how much she had influenced me and how awesome I thought she was:-( 

I May Have A Problem

French fries are my favorite snack in the whole wide world. Yes, its that serious! It's the one fast food indulgence I allow myself on a regular basis. I don't do burgers (the occasional lamb or turkey burger notwithstanding), nuggets, hot dogs, street meat, or any of that jazz. So its okay if I have a few french fries every now and again right?

Today I realized I may have a problem and need to find support for said problem. I not only bought french fries today but I seasoned them with Tony Chachere's. Tony's isn't something you can get very easily outside of Louisiana. Each trip home I bring back at least 3 bottles of the stuff (along with assorted meat products). In order to have it on fries at lunch today would mean I keep some in my office. Should this be? Should I have seasoning salt tucked away in my desk? Is there a 12-step program for this? I put this stuff on eggs, in soups, on fries of course, on everything. The only thing I haven't tossed it on is a salad, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time!! Am I worse than the people who carry hot sauce everywhere they go?

I think I'll be alright as long as I don't put it in my purse. Which given the fact that the Indian curry I had in my purse last week spilled all over my wallet and other belongings, I won't be apt to put many food products in there for a while.

Can't Believe I Didn't Do That

For reasons I care not explain, I did not make my thankful entry last night. So before I allow myself to do another thing, I must tell you why I was thankful yesterday: 

1. I received pictures of The Pretty Girl attending prom this weekend. This is a reason to be thankful because last year we didn't know if she would be here today. She's a testament to the miracle of modern medicine and, well you know, God. 
2. I had the shrimp and grits at Society (2104 Frederick Douglass Blvd, NY, NY - check it out) and didn't feel the need to order anything else. Yep, I was satisfied. 
3. After turning in the cable box this weekend to focus more on writing, I thought I'd go through withdrawal symptoms since Sunday is my main HGTV day, but nope. Nothing of the sort happened. 
4. It rained and provided a good reason to just sleep. So much for increased productivity. 
5. I heard laughter from my favorite four females (The Pretty Girl, My Favorite Person In All The World, The Tator Tot, and of course Queen Mother). This isn't extraordinary, but I rarely get to see them and hearing them laugh ensures me that at least for that moment they are happy with life.