In a Gmail chat this morning with Bronx Bomber, I told her to come to the dark side of accepting that most people/companies/products/experiences will not live up to your expectations. The notion of excellence is absent from the collective consciousness. I don't know where it started or when, but I know that walking around with preconceived notions about what things should be, will usually lead to disappointment. The more one fights this viewpoint, the more annoyance it causes.
Throughout my life, I have been guilty of seldomly displaying commitment and excellence. In fact, I've subtitled this blog "An exercise in excellence" to push myself to higher levels of productivity and quality. But true to habit, I haven't always hit the mark. When a friend pointed out some areas of improvement, I neglected to see she was only trying to get me to where I've expressed I want to be. Instead, I got offended because of my own personal admittance of mediocrity that I didn't want anyone else to notice. However, mediocrity, just as excellence, cannot stay hidden. They are both easily apparent. They both lunge at you like that one old dude in the club who is trying to prove he's "still got it." And over time, they stick to you like the so-so looking guy you allow to buy you a drink then he bothers you the rest of the night.
Today I received a call from my mom telling me that one of her long-time friends had passed away. A woman I admired growing up for her ability to be funny, smart, popular, honest under all circumstances, no respecter of persons, and stylish while doing so. Our families worshipped, traveled and weathered storms together. Mrs. Kelly you will be missed.
At 15 when I had an idea for a teen-talk show on a local radio station, my mom told Mrs. Kelly and she arranged a meeting the station's GM so I could present it to him. I gave my first pitch and it felt great. The GM liked the idea and told me to flesh it out a little more and to follow-up with him. As was already a habit, I didn't complete the task and the station went ahead with the idea a few months later sans me. Every Sunday I listened to the radio as kids who had "stolen" my big break waxed on about whatever it is that teens wax on about. My mom and Mrs. Kelly later wanted me to be a debutante in my senior year. I went to one meeting then refused to go back. When a good friend began to share about her debutante festivities at school, I was quietly regretting my decision to forego the opportunity. In college, Mrs. Kelly and mom suggested I join a sorority, I again refused. I now see friends who did join and wonder if I missed out on anything.
I was a quick starter of things and an even faster stopper. My one consistent behavior in life is that I was utterly inconsistent. I couldn't tell you how many hobbies (clarinet, piano, cheerleading, cross-country running, ceramics, the list could go on) my parents shelled out cash for and I didn't stick to any of them (after several years of piano you'd think I could eek out Twinkle Twinkle Little Star or something). I was okay for far too long with being "just me." I declared my inability to commit to simply being a diverse creative personality who wanted to try it all. In and of itself, there's noting wrong with that.
However, life is not a dress rehearsal. We only get one shot at this and so we better make it count. Sure, try new things and if you don't like them, move to the next. But don't change up so much that you never give yourself the opportunity to excel at anything. We are all truly talented at something, maybe even a few things. Do those things the best you can every time you can. And for the other few things you're not gifted at, be smart about getting help or deferring to those who do excel at them.
Maybe Bronx Bomber doesn't have to adjust her expectations on everything. Maybe if we all held one another to higher standards, people will see it's ok to step up. Maybe the frustration we feel when things don't meet our expectations is because it's our spirit telling us that we need to challenge the status quo until the generally accepted behavior is one of excellence from everyone. Maybe, I don't know. As for me, Operation Step-Up is in full gear.
I wish I'd have stepped up and told Mrs. Kelly how much she had influenced me and how awesome I thought she was:-(
1 comment:
There are some that look away while getting a shot. I am on the other team and want to see it all...when the pain is coming and when it’s gonna to leave. Similarly, I wish someone would have told me that the growing pains experienced on the road to excellence are crazy intense (self reflection, conviction, humility)! I appreciate what I have to go through because I know the fruits of it, but a little forewarning would have been cool.
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