I am, as I have been for the past month or so, completely inspired. I can't blink my eyes without opening them to some new form of inspiration. As a person who fancies themselves a creative, this is the perfect place to be in. But of course I go against the tide and therefore massive inspiration has turned out to be a thorn in my side. Being inspired is a wretched place for me because I haven't been able to do anything with it. Sure, I could jot things down in one of my many journals bought for the expressed purpose of doing so or my lovely iPhone app bought for the same, but I can't. Or rather I won't. I'm not sure why.
People I've never met in situations I've never been in beg of me to write their life stories to gain confirmation from the world that they exist. They seek solutions from me that give them a process to a more peaceful existence. And yet each time I am introduced to them, I am forced to turn them away. Thus, another day goes by without them having closure, healing, peace, joy, or the overall abundance that they need and deserve. There is also beauty seeking to be created by me that I cannot be bothered with finding the time to do so. Or the organization for execution.
The inspiration at this point is stalking me and I don't like it. Having had a stalker for a very brief moment in college (long story, another post) I know what being stalked feels like. Literally everywhere I turn there is something there begging me to provide commentary or creation. If I watch the news, read a blog, read a magazine, walk down the street or in the grocery store (I took photos of colorful produce in Whole Foods last week), sit on the train, have a conversation, hell even reading gouge-your-eyes-out-it's-so-boring legal deposition transcripts provide sources of inspiration.
Or is it not stalking me at all, but rather I've become addicted to it? I can't sleep without having a hit of inspiration. I literally stay up much longer than is necessary or what can be tolerated to look at "one more movie/tv show/blog/magazine/book." That's what I literally tell myself at night. I wake up and, deeming the computer that is truly only 2 feet from the bed too far, I reach for my phone and let the powers of 3G welcome me to a new day. I sit at work wondering where the new shot of inspiration will come from.
I must beat this demon. Inspiration is supposed to be a good thing. Too many people are depressed over living an uninspired life. Despite the challenges I face in this current season, I have what many don't: inspiration which gives me reason to press on, a basis for creativity. Some would simply call it hope. Some may call it the blueprint for a vision. No matter what, I must translate it into productivity and not the vessel for idleness it has become.
"Can of Inspiration" by Department of Doing
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