Time To Be Thankful

I confess to feeling like a sucker today! And why do I feel like a sucker do you ask? Well, because my last blog entry was 3 weeks ago and it was such a personal victory, that I thought "surely I should have followed it up with something really cool,"right? Right? Well, I didn't. And while I'm not proud of that, I shall carry on.

Truth of the matter is, I hadn't felt very inspired to write anything. Not that I was upset, I just wasn't inspired. Then, today I recalled that I hadn't done a gratitude post in quite sometime. When I first started this blog, gratitude was (in addition to developing the regular habit of writing) one of my main reasons for doing so. I wanted to challenge myself to find reasons to be thankful everyday or at the very least a couple of times each week give intentional thought to the vast reasons I had to be more appreciative of my life. So here goes:

• I finally kicked my apartment redesign into gear and have found some really cute things. I'm tackling the project one room at a time and will reveal photos of each room as they are completed. The bedroom is first. 
• After trying to sell my dining table on Craigslist, I was informed of a family who had lost everything in a fire and so, I donated the table to them. And since donating the table, I have all sorts of room to dance around my apartment (the table was too large for the space). Is it really necessary to have a dining table? I really don't want to lose the square footage again te he he!
• Life Revolution Coaching, LLC is a registered business in the state of New York with a federal EIN, and it's own business banking account! May seem small to some, but it's a tangible manifestation of a long personal process. 
• I aced my Foundational Coaching exam and am expecting the certificate any day now!!! Owa Owa!!! I still have several more courses to take, but I'm well on my way to certification!! 
• The Songbird was entered into the Classical Writer Hall of Fame (I think that's the proper title)!!! She has been laboring (in love) for quite sometime to pursue her passion so, I'm pleased to acknowledge this accomplishment with her. 
• I just started working with a new coaching client and I'm pretty excited about the direction I think she is headed!! 
• The Tator Tot and The Boys all enjoyed their Easter gifts from TT Tracey:-) Who is the world's best aunt? Who? Say it louder please!!! Yep, that's right...ME!!! 
• Provision is continually being provided even when I'm certain I didn't deserve it. And even when I think I did, I probably still didn't. But oh so thankful anyway!! 
• I FINALLY went out and bought some yarn for my first knitting project. That's right folks, knitting!! And, Cajun Spice didn't throw me a side eye mean enough to be felt over the phone!!!! 
• I'm thankful that I'm comfortable enough with myself and my Source to honestly share my process with folks. I'm not perfect. I do make mistakes, but I've learned a lot and I'm trying to use that wisdom to help others. 
• IT'S SPRING!!!!
• There are many more reasons I can think of, but I believe best of all is that while I started this entry feeling a little not so great, I'm ending on a high note. Just by simply typing reasons I've had to be thankful over the past couple of weeks, it's pepped me up from my sourpuss mood today!!! 

*Photos via a new design blog I'm stalking Design Fabulous

Beans and Biscuits

For the past 2 years, I've been on a rather intense journey to get myself in alignment with what I consider to be God's plan for me. Deeming this period of life one that requires immense concentration, I've sometimes left myself blind to the things going on with people I'm not intimately close with. Two such people would be Beans and Biscuits*.

Continue ruminating...

What's It Worth

Does anyone remember the Martin Lawrence and Danny Devito movie What's the Worst That Could Happen? In the movie Martin plays a thief who, while in the process of a burglary, is busted by the home owner played by Danny. As the police have Martin cuffed and ready to haul off, Danny lies and tells the cops that the ring Martin is wearing is his. Thus ensues a cat and mouse chase so that Martin can get back the ring. If by now you are judging my choice in movie selection just know I bought the DVD when Martin was hot and I wanted to watch something silly this weekend.

In a scene in which Martin is trying to explain the definition of value to his girlfriend, who had given him the ring, and why he was fighting so hard to get it back he describes worth as nothing more than a man made valuation of something. He held a Faberge egg up and told her that some people thought it's value to be pretty significant, but he on the other hand didn't think much of it. In fact, he threw the egg in the trash. The ring on the other hand was priceless to him. Last week in church, my pastor described value as simply the price you are willing to pay for a thing. Isn't that so true?

I'm now ruminating on the values I've placed on things in life. In a conversation this afternoon with the Bronx Bomber, I told her how I had some time ago come to the conclusion that my life didn't accurately reflect my interests. However, I failed to see that in that same way, it didn't reflect the things that I truly valued either. In his sermon, my pastor also stated that if you were hesitant to pay the price for something then, it was just a preference. Deep thought has revealed this to be pure unfiltered truth!

Here are a few such examples of where I've previously missed the mark in valuation in my life:

1. Dating: Back to the standards conversation from spring, I've always told myself I valued myself high enough to not let someone treat me less than what I know I am worth. Yet time and again, my standards weren't always solid and I accepted less than my asking price. Mentally, I told myself I was worth complete adoration, respect, and consideration. I didn't all the time get that and I didn't, for the most part, demand it. I left the suitor believing that his assessment of my worth was accurate when it couldn't have been further from the truth.
   
2. Family and Friendships: I believe these two sets of people are priceless. There is untold wealth in having a family that nurtures, loves, and supports you from the beginning as well as friends who love you enough to overlook your character quirks and still choose to be in community with you (unlike family, friends have every right to pack their camel and go if the relationship seems like too much work). And here I am going home so infrequently that I'm always nervous that the Tot is going to forget what I look like. It would probably help if my hair wasn't different each time she saw me. Although I try to stay in touch with people as much as possible, I hadn't consistently lived up to that. The Stormy One literally works a 5 minute walk from my office and yet she and I see each other only about once every other month. Ms. Scorsese lives 3 blocks from my apartment and I see her once a quarter, if that frequently. This is unacceptable. I understand people's schedules are tight these days and everyone has their own concerns, but I know I can step it up with my contact. I do a good job of staying in touch. I'm aiming for doing a great job!
3. Health: I've always enjoyed being physical. I believe that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. I want to grow older fabulously. Then why aren't I exercising daily or on a consistent weekly basis? I do try to hit the track but I go through spurts where I'm there for 2 months and off for 3 months. This is unacceptable. I have to keep my body active and well in order to take care of this temple I've been entrusted with. Long life and good health are just as priceless as the relationships with loved ones. How important is it to me to have a body that doesn't need Spanx? I tell myself it's very important, right up there with maintain all my teeth, but I'm not diligent about what I eat or how much I exercise. This is no longer acceptable either.

These are just a few examples of my life not reflecting where I place the highest value. Our mental perceptions of how we see ourselves unfortunately don't always line up with the reality of who we actually are. The list could've gone on to include certain hobbies that I'm extremely interested in like knitting (get all your giggles out now but you'll be sorry once I have fly sweaters and you don't), comedy, home improvement projects (I'm aware that I need to own a home first), etc. What are some of the things in your life where you thought you placed a high value and discovered it was only a preference. Don't leave me out on a limb because I know I'm not the only one!

Code Pink

I woke up this morning on a supernatural high!!! Here's what's happened so far...

1. I literally woke up singing a Lauryn Hill song.
2. I put Lauryn and India.Arie back on my iPod.
3. I smiled at the raspberries in my cereal and hummed as I ate them.
4. I said hi to or smiled at every person I locked eyes with on the way to the train.
5. I smiled on the train all the way downtown.
6. I chuckled at the thought of my reading Alice Walker's menopause poems. Don't judge me...
7. When I got off the train and felt the warmth of the sun and the cool breeze from the river, I literally began to walk with a bop in my step that if only slightly more pronounced, it would've been a skip.
8. I sang out loud walking down the street.
9. I ran into Frederick Douglass and actually said hi to him. Y'all normally he works my last nerve. I wonder if I can get him to pose for a picture so I can prove to you unbelievers he truly exists.
10. I ran into a friend of my old boss who I normally find sleazy and try to avoid whenever possible. I actually had a brief convo with him and wasn't repulsed.
11. I daydreamed about having a picnic with the Tot when I see her later this summer!!!!!!

I hope you guys are having an awesome day!!!!!

It's True I've Changed

At the corner of Convent Avenue and 148th Street in New York, there sits a church. I'm not sure how long this church has been there. I pass it everyday on my commute and so, I can attest that for the past 3 years it's been in that location. On my walk home from the nearby train station a few days ago, I passed by that church and a middle-aged man walked by and was astonished by the fact that the church was there. "It's still here. Everything has changed, but this church is still here." He then turned in circles to survey the area.

I'm sure Sugar Hill has done a lot of changing over the years. While most of the original buildings are still there, since Sugar Hill hasn't seen the type of gentrification Central Harlem has, I'm sure it looks a bit different than before. Nothing stays the same, it always changes. Change is a growing, moving process and anything that grows changes its appearance.

While the true nature of my character has remained consistent, there are lots of things about me that have changed. In fact, over the last year alone I've had 4 different hairstyles. When presented with a picture of my current incarnation with braids, the Tot didn't know who I was. When I speak to the Boys, they ask me about my hair. Even these children understand my need to change my hair. But my change has been much more substantial than just hairstyles.

In conversation last week, I told someone that I'm an honest person. This is true. In fact, Favorite Person thinks this is the area in life in which I excel (thanks). However, I've learned to administer a different type of honesty in recent months. Before, I would just speak the truth in it's plainest form and gave no consideration as to how the hearer might perceive it. This led at one point to a former mentor telling me that I "lacked tact and had no charisma," a comment we still get a laugh out of. Now, it's important to me that I deliver honesty with more than a grain of grace and mercy. I try whenever possible to put a soft edge around it to make the pill go down easier. In the past I thought this was somehow diluting the truth, but truth is truth plain and simple. When the person I was in conversation with told me I didn't have to place a soft edge around the truth when speaking to them, I instinctively said I couldn't forgo the soft edge anymore. I hadn't realized it, but I had become this person who is now incapable of trying to place a soft edge around the hardness that can sometimes envelope truth.

Yesterday, a friend told me that I didn't have to apologize for giving them what they asked for and for being honest. I explained that the apology was for any offense that may have occurred when I administered the feedback. She felt that people are responsible for their own feelings and that to apologize for a possible offense was maybe going the "extra mile". Even if I were to agree that it's going the extra mile, I'm completely comfortable going the extra mile. At this point, it's another thing I can't help. And while I agree we are all responsible for our own feelings and no one can "make" you feel a certain way, I believe we can provoke or incite certain feelings in people if we are neglectful. One of my favorite quotes is by Eleanor Roosevelt and she said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." True. But I've become a person who doesn't even want to offer the opportunity for that consent.

As we age, we hope to gain wisdom from experiences and allow that wisdom to change us for the better. Even with this hope of positive change gleaned from transformative wisdom, I'm still amazed by the little glances into the "new" me. Both of those moments helped me to see that I was further along on this wisdom journey than I thought I was.

Can't Control Yourself (Another Long On)

By now, I'm sure most of you know that last weekend's #1 movie at the box office was "Obsessed," racking in over $28 million for Beyonce and crew. This is the same Beyonce who has barely mastered the King's English. No matter what we think of her, the woman is doing her thing. I don't co-sign on her acting (her or Tyler) or the recycling of a tired plot line, but I'm curious enough to make it a NetFlix pick where I estimate it'll only cost me $2.

Don't be fooled. I'm not a Beyonce hater. On the contrary, I'm a fan. I love that she is working her butt off and trying anything she thinks she may have a talent for (misguided or not). At 27, she has achieved more than most will have achieved in a lifetime. People knock her for the perceived Queen Bee persona and heavily guarded image, but whatever she is doing is working. If she were a stock, I'd buy a few shares.

But this isn't a post to wax at length about the "superstar" that is Beyonce. I'm making this post because of the never satisfied with mediocrity thus, always striving for excellence Beyonce. I saw a clip online from her appearance last week on Larry King Live wherein she said the following, "I feel like I haven't seen the best of myself and the world hasn't seen the best of me." That comment stuck with me. I understand money doesn't mean happiness. Although, having earned $80 million last year alone she could've bought a whole lot of distractions to try to convince herself that she was. Instead it's her quest for excellence that has intrigued me. This is a woman who is known around the world, performed for the President on personal invitation, sold 50 million records worldwide, has a clothing line (I don't co-sign on that either), and has managed to not have the fullness of her life sold for display in the tabloids (Sure her pictures are there and we speculate, but how much do we really know? For the record, I'm fine not knowing.). But with having achieved all of that, she recognizes that she hasn't seen the best of herself. She has her own definition of excellence and success that she's after.

Earlier in the interview, she said she felt as though she was born to sing, then corrected herself and stated she was born to entertain. It's awesome to wake up everyday and do what you were created to do and allow the blessings that flow from that to enable you to change the lives of others (quiet as it's kept, she actually does a bit of philanthropic work).

I was reading Black Enterprise this month and Jill Scott says, "That's how I've wanted to live my life. If it happens to become something financially beneficial, then great. I sing, write, and act because I can't help myself. I love being creative...I want a livelihood that gives me internal pleasure."

I went to college so that I could have a back-up plan in case my dream didn't manifest. I spent so much time planning for the failure of my dream, I never gave my dream an opportunity to succeed. I listened to people tell me what to do to be successful and what was logical. I neglected the things I knew made me happy. I pushed aside and told that part of me that was jumping up and down to express itself that it had to wait until I secured the back-up plan. Ultimately, that led to disappointment and nothing I really call success. And I doubt I'm the only one.

Today marks the end of a complete calendar month that I've maintained this blog. It's been great to get the feedback from others, be it positive or not. Having the people I care about tell me that they care enough to check regularly has meant a lot. I'm still trying to push myself to do more writing and to kick it up a notch. I've gotten started putting myself and my thoughts out for public consumption and opinion, now I can't stop myself. I want to see where else I can take it. The days I didn't make entries, I felt like I'd wasted a day. The days I made entries, no matter what else happened that day, I felt like there was a purpose for me waking up. Yep, that serious.

What can't you help yourself from doing? What's like fire in your bones that you have to let out? I know what it is for me. Now, I'm trying to erase all the reasons I've given myself over the years to not do it and own it. Have you displayed the best of yourself for the world? Can you say how you live is how you always wanted to live? Does your livelihood give you internal pleasure?




Scroll over to 5:41 to hear the referenced comment and spare yourself a lot of stuttering.

Why Hold On

I often forget just how much of a pack rat I am. This is easy to do as I live in a small NYC apartment and keeping it free of the appearance of clutter is foremost on my mind. Therefore, everything is neatly tucked away in folders and boxes. Because I don't see it, I often forget I have it. 

While looking for a document from '04 (I found it!), I came across a picture of the last man I loved taken of him the day we met; a card said loved man gave me explaining in writing what he could never verbalize; writing samples and press clippings from college; greeting cards given to me over the years by loved ones, as well as cards I bought and never gave out; tax and banking records from eons ago; my high school diploma and college degree; the registration papers for Paul (those of you who've rocked with me since '96, you have fond memories of Paul too); manuals and warranties; and a host of other papers and photos. 

Why do I keep them? Is it healthy to hold onto memories of failed relationships or notebooks containing goals you neglected to attain? What's to be gained from going through these things? And if you never look back on them, what's the point of keeping them? 

I found pictures that the entire Kindergarten class of a Baltimore charter school drew for me, as well as the card the 5th grade girls bought and signed for me. I hold on to these because they remind me of a time when I was truly fulfilled by a job that I went to everyday with a smile. I keep the letters and cards from family and friends because they remind that people love me and my milestones are important enough to them to acknowledge.  The pictures help my mind recall the details that I sometimes forget like it seems that every member of my family has a smile that whenever I see it (in person or on film) always makes me smile. The invite and pictures to the nuptials of a friend that I missed remind me of my past irresponsibility. 

There was a time when I'd dig through this box and feel homesick, lonely, depressed, stagnant, and any other negative emotion one could muster. But tonight, I realized an even more powerful emotion to be associated with these things: growth! I was thankful for the memories, kind and unkind. I'd gotten older and wiser since last I rummaged through that box. When I saw the pictures of the lost love that I used to lament over, I thought of the advice Cajun Spice once gave me, "If this guy made you feel that great, just imagine how much happier you'll feel when you meet the man God has for you!" Pictures of Bowler Boy remind me of how silly he is (I own no picture where he isn't "in character"). I realized that I'm no longer looking at the past and wishing the good 'ole bad days were still here. I'm more confident that delightful and maybe even not so delightful memories will come, but I'll be able to take either in stride. 

There were things I came across in the box that I was rather ambivalent about. I couldn't register any level of growth from the last time I saw them. But hey, I didn't break out into tears. I'll take that. Many of the items could really be tossed. Yet with all the growth, I still found them hard to get rid of. Why is this? Am I the only one with this condition? 

Surely, I can't be. 

Told You I Had Progressed

So Bowler Boy told me today that my site needed to be jazzed up with graphics or something. I'm working on it but it takes time. He says he sees too many words, and for those of you who know Bowler Boy, you know he despises words and reading. Thank you BB for continuing to tune in anyway!

I'll try to keep this short. After years of reading self-help, business success, networking and people management books and articles, I finally decided to test out some of what I learned. In the past when faced with a networking opportunity, I would glide along the sidelines of the room waiting for someone to come over and talk to me. if I didn't have an introduction from someone else, I wouldn't have ever opened my mouth. This usually happens when I'm supposed to be advancing my personal agenda. If I had to network on the company time, it didn't seem as daunting and I did it much easier. Notice I didn't say with ease, just easier than if I had to do it to further my personal endeavors. In fact, I don't recall having gained a friend in my life wherein I spoke to them first. It has mostly been someone being brave enough to approach me. Tonight that ended.

In preparation for my first Toastmaster's meeting tomorrow and an event I was supposed to attend last night, I went to the TM website to gather info. I ran across an article on Mingling. I implemented some of the tips and whaddaya know? I actually had an enjoyable time at a networking event. I made what I believe are good contacts, I was engaging and witty. You know, a few of the things I am naturally, but rarely do I show it to strangers. I just wanted to share that. Good night folks.

Moving Too Fast

It's been a long time. I shouldn't have left you...without a dope beat to step to, step to, step to, step to, step to, step to, step to. What would you do to get to me...

My bad. I really miss Aaliyah:-( I wonder what her career would look like today? Would Damon Dash be married and now going through a divorce from a woman he never looked happy with? Would the female R&B/Pop industry be saturated with half-talented women? Would Ashanti's first cd ever had made it into stores? By the way, who actually owns an Ashanti cd? The child went platinum with nearly each release and I don't know a single soul who owns any of her music, not even a single song download from iTunes. Things that make you go hmm!

But my folks it has been a long time. I haven't made a real entry in nearly a week. My schedule got busy and all of a sudden a week has almost gone by. This rapid succession of events in my schedule and my inability to effectively manage the time has me thinking about life in general. Ever notice that the older we get, the faster time passes? At some point last year or maybe it was the year before, I'd told myself and maybe a few others that life only seems to pass to quickly if you aren't actively engaged in having the life you want. When you are in a job that's not your desired career, you don't yet have the social life you want, or when you in general feel like you are missing out on something, time passes way too fast. It seems to pass fast because you tell yourself you are running out of time to acquire the things in life you really want.

This line of thinking has turned out to be an exercise in error. I'm slowly but surely building the life I want. I have a great group of friends, a family who hasn't disowned me, a job that still pays the bills, I'm moving towards my purpose driven work, and I had a major breakthrough tonight (more on that later).

I'm beginning to get nervous that I'll be on a constant pace of doing and going, and won't have time to fully appreciate and enjoy it all. Thank goodness for my thankful lists. Tonight deserves more than 5 since I haven't shared my appreciation in several days.

1. I had a chance to catch up with several segments of friends. Don't try to act like all of your friends are from the same segment.
2. My Favorite Person In The Whole Wide World is starting to feel better. She had some sort of cold, so yay for her!!
3. Even though my hotel room on Monday night was next to a frisky couple, I was able to fall asleep just fine because I had bigger more pleasant things on my mind.
4. I didn't have to sit and listen to professional commuters yack on their cellphones or some overwhelmed mom fuss at her toddler on my train ride to Philly.
5. I'm now officially a member of CCC.
6. I discovered a tasty new (to me) restaurant in Brooklyn.
7. Songbird has agreed that we can watch the TP movie on dvd as to not have anyone see me walking into a movie theater to watch it. Thank the Lord for small favors.
8. Beans reminded HighStepper and I that we shouldn't let the city change us. Also, giving us a new phrase complete with suggested body language to complement it was icing on the cake.
9. Even though I had 2 cases of wine to ship to my boss and it proved to be a hassle, I didn't get frustrated and just start downing the things myself.
10. IT guy told me he's ordered my new office computer.
11. Instead of being frustrated with myself and giving up on the blog because I didn't make entries for a few days, I've come back to it.
12. I still feel good about doing the blog and it doesn't feel like a chore.
13. I had my first chemical peel tonight and thus far, my face hasn't melted away.
14. I didn't strike the aesthetician when she suggested I try Botox (note: I've typed this one with my lips pursed because this could have very easily note have been so.).
15. I'm well on the rode to conquering my fear of talking to strangers.