At the corner of Convent Avenue and 148th Street in New York, there sits a church. I'm not sure how long this church has been there. I pass it everyday on my commute and so, I can attest that for the past 3 years it's been in that location. On my walk home from the nearby train station a few days ago, I passed by that church and a middle-aged man walked by and was astonished by the fact that the church was there. "It's still here. Everything has changed, but this church is still here." He then turned in circles to survey the area.
I'm sure Sugar Hill has done a lot of changing over the years. While most of the original buildings are still there, since Sugar Hill hasn't seen the type of gentrification Central Harlem has, I'm sure it looks a bit different than before. Nothing stays the same, it always changes. Change is a growing, moving process and anything that grows changes its appearance.
While the true nature of my character has remained consistent, there are lots of things about me that have changed. In fact, over the last year alone I've had 4 different hairstyles. When presented with a picture of my current incarnation with braids, the Tot didn't know who I was. When I speak to the Boys, they ask me about my hair. Even these children understand my need to change my hair. But my change has been much more substantial than just hairstyles.
In conversation last week, I told someone that I'm an honest person. This is true. In fact, Favorite Person thinks this is the area in life in which I excel (thanks). However, I've learned to administer a different type of honesty in recent months. Before, I would just speak the truth in it's plainest form and gave no consideration as to how the hearer might perceive it. This led at one point to a former mentor telling me that I "lacked tact and had no charisma," a comment we still get a laugh out of. Now, it's important to me that I deliver honesty with more than a grain of grace and mercy. I try whenever possible to put a soft edge around it to make the pill go down easier. In the past I thought this was somehow diluting the truth, but truth is truth plain and simple. When the person I was in conversation with told me I didn't have to place a soft edge around the truth when speaking to them, I instinctively said I couldn't forgo the soft edge anymore. I hadn't realized it, but I had become this person who is now incapable of trying to place a soft edge around the hardness that can sometimes envelope truth.
Yesterday, a friend told me that I didn't have to apologize for giving them what they asked for and for being honest. I explained that the apology was for any offense that may have occurred when I administered the feedback. She felt that people are responsible for their own feelings and that to apologize for a possible offense was maybe going the "extra mile". Even if I were to agree that it's going the extra mile, I'm completely comfortable going the extra mile. At this point, it's another thing I can't help. And while I agree we are all responsible for our own feelings and no one can "make" you feel a certain way, I believe we can provoke or incite certain feelings in people if we are neglectful. One of my favorite quotes is by Eleanor Roosevelt and she said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." True. But I've become a person who doesn't even want to offer the opportunity for that consent.
As we age, we hope to gain wisdom from experiences and allow that wisdom to change us for the better. Even with this hope of positive change gleaned from transformative wisdom, I'm still amazed by the little glances into the "new" me. Both of those moments helped me to see that I was further along on this wisdom journey than I thought I was.
No comments:
Post a Comment