Can't Control Yourself (Another Long On)

By now, I'm sure most of you know that last weekend's #1 movie at the box office was "Obsessed," racking in over $28 million for Beyonce and crew. This is the same Beyonce who has barely mastered the King's English. No matter what we think of her, the woman is doing her thing. I don't co-sign on her acting (her or Tyler) or the recycling of a tired plot line, but I'm curious enough to make it a NetFlix pick where I estimate it'll only cost me $2.

Don't be fooled. I'm not a Beyonce hater. On the contrary, I'm a fan. I love that she is working her butt off and trying anything she thinks she may have a talent for (misguided or not). At 27, she has achieved more than most will have achieved in a lifetime. People knock her for the perceived Queen Bee persona and heavily guarded image, but whatever she is doing is working. If she were a stock, I'd buy a few shares.

But this isn't a post to wax at length about the "superstar" that is Beyonce. I'm making this post because of the never satisfied with mediocrity thus, always striving for excellence Beyonce. I saw a clip online from her appearance last week on Larry King Live wherein she said the following, "I feel like I haven't seen the best of myself and the world hasn't seen the best of me." That comment stuck with me. I understand money doesn't mean happiness. Although, having earned $80 million last year alone she could've bought a whole lot of distractions to try to convince herself that she was. Instead it's her quest for excellence that has intrigued me. This is a woman who is known around the world, performed for the President on personal invitation, sold 50 million records worldwide, has a clothing line (I don't co-sign on that either), and has managed to not have the fullness of her life sold for display in the tabloids (Sure her pictures are there and we speculate, but how much do we really know? For the record, I'm fine not knowing.). But with having achieved all of that, she recognizes that she hasn't seen the best of herself. She has her own definition of excellence and success that she's after.

Earlier in the interview, she said she felt as though she was born to sing, then corrected herself and stated she was born to entertain. It's awesome to wake up everyday and do what you were created to do and allow the blessings that flow from that to enable you to change the lives of others (quiet as it's kept, she actually does a bit of philanthropic work).

I was reading Black Enterprise this month and Jill Scott says, "That's how I've wanted to live my life. If it happens to become something financially beneficial, then great. I sing, write, and act because I can't help myself. I love being creative...I want a livelihood that gives me internal pleasure."

I went to college so that I could have a back-up plan in case my dream didn't manifest. I spent so much time planning for the failure of my dream, I never gave my dream an opportunity to succeed. I listened to people tell me what to do to be successful and what was logical. I neglected the things I knew made me happy. I pushed aside and told that part of me that was jumping up and down to express itself that it had to wait until I secured the back-up plan. Ultimately, that led to disappointment and nothing I really call success. And I doubt I'm the only one.

Today marks the end of a complete calendar month that I've maintained this blog. It's been great to get the feedback from others, be it positive or not. Having the people I care about tell me that they care enough to check regularly has meant a lot. I'm still trying to push myself to do more writing and to kick it up a notch. I've gotten started putting myself and my thoughts out for public consumption and opinion, now I can't stop myself. I want to see where else I can take it. The days I didn't make entries, I felt like I'd wasted a day. The days I made entries, no matter what else happened that day, I felt like there was a purpose for me waking up. Yep, that serious.

What can't you help yourself from doing? What's like fire in your bones that you have to let out? I know what it is for me. Now, I'm trying to erase all the reasons I've given myself over the years to not do it and own it. Have you displayed the best of yourself for the world? Can you say how you live is how you always wanted to live? Does your livelihood give you internal pleasure?




Scroll over to 5:41 to hear the referenced comment and spare yourself a lot of stuttering.