Stop Trying

Last year while watching a Joyce Meyer podcast, I realized I needed to stop trying to do things in my life. I'll explain.

Whenever there was a task to be done wherein I either didn't know whether or not I'd be successful or I simply didn't want to be bothered with it at that moment, I'd say, "I'll try." This left plenty of wiggle room and a shelter from accountability. Watching Joyce instruct her audience to "just stop trying and just do it" seemed extremely empowering.

However, learning something and thinking it makes sense, still doesn't make it a personal conviction. I literally told myself, "I'm going to try to stop trying and just do it!" I'm fully aware of the oxymoronic logic there. But, at the time that seemed reasonable enough.

Continue ruminating...

Welcome Back

Last week, Mr. Fix It emailed me this clip upon my return from vacation and I thought it apropos to the blog as my absence has been noted by several and I've also missed you guys! So, welcome back to us all:-)

Talking To Boys

This afternoon, I called my 3 nephews who are 11 and 13 (there's a set of twins in the mix) to remind them that I'd be in Atlanta next weekend to visit them. We always have interesting exchanges. Here is but a taste:

• Upon learning that I'm still wearing an afro, the 13 yr old says, "An afro? Hmm...You still doing that?" I tell him yes and tell him I'm sure he sees women in ATL with naturals. His response, "No, not really. Can't you straighten it anymore?....I like to see women with straight hair because it's pretty." I tell him this isn't the only form of pretty and that he shouldn't buy into the stereotype of beauty. "Aw man. I'm not stereotyping. I'm just saying straight hair looks better. I like women with straight hair is all I'm saying."
• One of the 11 yr old twins asks, "What was the last video game you played Auntie?" When I tell him it was a Sega Genesis, he says, "A Sega? A what? Isn't that like from the 80's?" Actually young man, it is very much so a game from the 90's. "Well, what sort of game did you play on it?" I tell him Sonic the Hedgehog. "Sonic, yeah I remember him back in the days. There are new games now." Thanks mister, I wasn't aware. Insert side eye here!
• Same 11 y.o. "Auntie, I've started a journal and I'm going to have it published one day!" I congratulate him and he begins to read some of his entries to me. He had an entry in which he mentions Rihanna and I ask if he likes her. "Not really. I think she's pretty, but she can't sing worth a lick. But I sure like looking at her. She has a nice body." Yeeeeppppp...
• Same 11 y.o. once again (the other twin doesn't offer as much good material as this one and his older brother) sheds light on things for me. "You don't have cable? Then what do you do?" This is after learning that I haven't seen the music video for the Black Eye Peas' song he is referencing because I don't have cable nor do I really listen to the radio much. "Read? What you reading like that? Have you ever even heard of the BEPs Auntie? (Yes I have) Well, I need you to get some cable!" 

Kids, gotta love 'em!! 

Baaaad Bush - A History Lesson In WholeFoods

 The gentleman pictured above we shall call "Mr. R." Mr. R is a cashier at Whole Foods that I met tonight. And the exchange went something like this:

Mr. R:  It that your real hair?

Me:   Yep!

Mr. R: Well that's a baaaad bush you got there!

Me:  Thanks. (Insert the TTLP because I don't know where this is going and he looks like he is gearing up for something.)

Mr. R: See I tell young people nowadays that they don't know what to do with their hair. And that's     really your hair?

Me:  Yes, it is.

Mr. R: You must work in the hair industry or something. You sell hair grease?

Me: Noooope. (The TTLP intensifies and adds to it a side eye.)

Mr. R: Well that's good. So that's your natural texture? You ain't got no texturizer or nothing in there?

Me: No sir. (Watching the monitor closely to ensure he's ringing me up correctly because he is clearly not paying attention.)

Mr. R: See back in the day, like back in the '60s, when a man talked about a woman or a pretty girl, we was talking about her hair. You walked away saying man she had a baaaaaad bush! We mentioned her body but we always mentioned her hair. See we didn't call it no afro. That wasn't what it was originally called. It was called a bush! And see then after the women started wearing them, the men did too. And see that's how the plaiting came about. Cause if you couldn't grow a big fro like what you got, we'd have to braid our hair up so in the morning we could let it out like that.

Me: Really? You don't say. (My mom told me this 3 months ago while giving my fro the side eye.)

Mr. R: Yes indeed! And shoot it was a competition. Cause you know men always want to compete. Now we wasn't competing with the women. We was competing with one another. Yep, sure was.

(I begin to look around because the lines are long and folks are going to start wondering why I'm standing here so long and I'm also trying to keep a steady eye on my receipt.)

Mr. R: And see like our girls oh they might get their hair pressed on Friday or Saturday night and wear it like that to church or out or something. (He's growing animated so I pull out my phone and try to discreetly take his photo without him knowing. Thank goodness the iPhone doesn't flash or make a snap sound like the Blackberry did.)

Mr. R: See the name afro came out cause there used to be the Teeny Weeny Afro. You know, a TWA. We would tease one another and say 'Man you got a TWA.' Cause that was for folks who couldn't grow theirs out. Then we shortened it to just 'fro!

(Thankful he hasn't noticed my oh so privacy invading shots. But I did it to provide my readers with proof!)

Me: Well this is all so interesting. ( I think I believe what I just said.)

Mr. R: Well some women in Philly came out with the name bush cause there was an actual bush in Africa in that shape. (I don't know if I believe that. But I'll see if Wikipedia has a page on it.)

Me: Ffro's were real popular up here huh? (OMG now I'm asking questions to encourage this? I'm tired and want to go home. I have unfinished business there. More on that part later.)

Mr. R: Well I don't know bout up here cause I'm from down south. (The southerner in me compels me to ask anyone who mentions southern roots, what part of the south they're from.)

Me: Where are you from originally?

Mr. R: I'm from Florida. Your total is....(Whew, this is over, but I'm kind of interested in more. What's wrong with me?)

Me: Well it was nice chatting with you. (Looks around to make sure no one is throwing me the evil side eye, pushing my buggy on, and walks out feeling like I had a genuine exchange for the evening. It feels good!!)

Voting Day

I come from a household wherein the parents took their right to vote very seriously. Their voices would not be ignored!!! I think they would vote for American Idol if it required time in a booth at the neighborhood middle school auditorium. They have passed this strong appreciation of the right to vote on to me.

Today was New York City's primary elections for a host of city titles, but the one I was most concerned with was mayor. I'm wanting and waiting for my chance to have someone dethrone Michael-I'm-So-Rich-I-Don't Relate-To-Middleclass-Bloomberg!!!!! I've never quite forgiven him for paying people to do things they were supposed to do anyway like take their kids to the doctor, get a job, etc. Then, he goes and overrides the voice of the people to bypass the term limits that were in place. To say I'm annoyed with this man is a great understatement!!!!! But Bloomy isn't the reason for this post. No, no. This post is about the foolishness that is election day in NYC.

First, I ran into my neighborhood suitor (one of many unqualified for the job) and here's how the convo went:

Overweight and overaged Suitor: Why didn't you go vote today?

Me: I'm on my way to the polls now!

OAOS: Well give me you number!

Me: (With lips pursed and eyes rolled, terrible of me I know) Quit playing with me.

OAOS: I'm saying dough. You just give me your number so we can be friends. What's wrong with that?

Me: (I just continue to walk towards my civic duty wondering what in the h-e-double hockey sticks that has to do with voting)

Secondly, I run into this gentleman pictured below mere feet away from the polling place. He is trying to hand me a flyer about himself, but he is referring to himself in the 3rd person and telling me why they guy on the flyer is a "good man" and should be elected D.A. Does he not know that these glasses indicate I have 2x the vision of the normal person and can see that it is clearly HIM on the freaking flyer? Does he not think I know it's illegal for him to be standing that close to a polling center? The picture was taken as I was leaving the polls and he had some poor man buying into his story. I wanted to snatch that brother and say "Man quit playing. The face on the flyer is the same face speaking to you!"

Then, I get inside the school to vote and the place is empty. In November it was packed with a line wrapped around the corner. You would've sworn they were doing ladies get in free before 11 in there. But today, nope folks could not be bothered.

Lastly, I'm just too through that the democratic process allows for candidates to be on the ballot and receive public finance campaign funds i.e. mine and yours tax dollars who have no real chance of getting elected. This fine fellow right here is Jimmy McMillan. When asked about his occupation in the Voter Guide, he responded with "Founder of the Rent Is Too Damn High Movement." And when asked what he thought was the most important issue in the city he would address, he responded with "Rent is too damn high rent-freeze-rent-reduction-rent-rollback. People must have money to spent." Apparently, his plan for the city would result in a $3 to 6 billion surplus for the city. And he wants some of the Stimulus money. I don't like Bloomy very much these days, but if there was a surplus in the city to be had into the billions, I'm certain he would've found it. Regardless as to your personal feelings about me, do yourself a favor and click the link and check out Jimmy's website PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE click here

Personally, I blame Bloomberg!!!!!

Only At The Laundromat

Picture It: A Harlem laundromat this morning around 8:30. I'm folding my clothes when the owner walks over to me. Under any other circumstances physical and ethnic attributes would not be important, but today they are so..

Me: African-American, 30 year old woman rocking a natural hairdo which happens to be an afro that's about 3 inches long.

Owner of Laundromat: Middle-aged Dominican male with a low fade.

He approached and the exchange went like this:

OOL: So what are you going to do with your hair?

Me: Huh?

OOL: What you gonna do with your hair?

Me: Oh, um I don't know. Been thinking of dreads, but for now just the fro.

OOL: You know what you should try?

Me: Naw what's that?

OOL: A relaxer! (Note: he says this like he just dropped some science on me)

Me: Um, yeah naw. I'm gonna stick with the natural.

OOL: No just listen. You can get one of them Rihanna hair styles.

Me: I don't think my style is similar to Rihanna. She's a bit Rock-n-Roll.

OOL: No not one of the Rock-n-Roll styles. Just you know like cut short, but with a relaxer. That would look good on you.

Me: Well if you recall when I first started coming in here I used to have a relaxer and it was cut short like that.

OOL: Yeah, you should do that again. (Nods his head to emphasize his point)

Me: No, I'm gonna stick with what I got.

OOL: So what you trying to be like Rah Digga.

Me: Rah Digga?

OOL: Yeah you know 'I rock rough and tough with my afro puffs.'

Me. No you mean Rage.

OOL: Oooohh yeah! Lady Rage. You trying to do that?

Me: Not exactly. Listen, it's fine. I'll stick with what I got. Maybe I should have combed my hair before I strolled in. Maybe once you see the fro in all it's glory your opinion will be different.

OOL: No. You know you can do one of those relaxers at home with a comb. You just put it on a comb and comb it through your hair. You can do it yourself.

Me: Well the whole point of growing a natural is so I don't use harsh chemicals in my hair. So, yeah no I'm gonna stick with what I got.

OOL: Well ok. You're a nice looking lady but you'd look better with a relaxer. I'm not trying to insult you or nothing though.

Yeeeeppppppp!

Love Is Hard

For anyone who says love is easy, I'm going to assume you are either not offering REAL love or you are young and don't know any better. I have fallen into both categories in my 30 years. However, with age hopefully comes wisdom and new perspectives. But what is love exactly? Lauryn Hill (pre- Jamaican baby daddy) told us, but how many really took the time to listen to the lyrics or refer back to the original text of the song? "Let me patient. Let me be kind. Make me unselfish without being blind. Though I may suffer, I'll envy it not. And endure what comes cause He's all that I got." She was laying out the definition of love. Otherwise found in 1 Corinthians 13 and is the following: patient, kind, does not envy or boast, is not proud, is not rude, is not self-seeking (apparently no reality tv show exhibits love), is not easily angered, keeps no records of wrongs (yep it forgives!), does not delight in evil (most blogs would fail the test right here), rejoices at the truth (maybe Maury's mission is love - You are NOT the father), always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, and lastly, it NEVER FAILS!

Over the past few months, I've tried to use the above criteria as a sort of litmus test to see if I'm acting in true love at all times. Most of us get about 25% of that list correct on a daily basis and on some Sundays and Christmas we might even get 50% of it right. The greatest of the commandments are boiled down to one word: L-O-V-E. It's really that simple. Don't believe me? Let's see...

If you operate in true love you can easily overlook the offense of another because you understand that their actions may be motivated by something internal that has nothing to do with you. When a person is dealt a blow in life you aren't joyful because of it, rather you try to help them back up. When you see injustice and deception being promoted and lived out around you, you do your best to inject the truth. When you have a really rough period of life and you can't see a better day coming, you keep hope and faith that even though you can't SEE it, you KNOW it's coming (I don't see oxygen but I KNOW I breath it.). When someone you are supposed to love is being an obnoxious crawdad making it hard to even like them, you be patient with them cause you know all they need is a little understanding. When disagreements happen, you aren't too prideful to admit you are wrong or work towards a resolution because you know that a prideful heart will get you the very thing you don't want. I could go on and on. Trust me I could.

Yes, I've learned that we are to love everyone, not just the cute fun people in our lives who always agree with us. So the next time you toss about the word love, make sure you are willing to uphold those qualities because without them, you are just in strong liking. Now, I admit it's a lot of work to do this love thing and we are generally a society of lazy narcissist, but just as with any other muscle, the more you work it the stronger it'll get! Love you dolls!!!

Go Get Your Boy

Will someone please tell Marion Barry that he just needs to stay in the house at all times because I'm tired of him getting arrested? If he isn't tired of being in central lockup I'm sure as heck tired of him being there. This time the former mayor, current councilman has been arrested for stalking. While I admit the details are few and from what I've read, I can't say one way or the other if he indeed was stalking this woman or if she was overreacting. But I will say this, people look at our lives and use past actions to predict future ones. Over a course of time people make conclusions about the habitual choices we make and how those choices reflect our true character. My perception of the arrest is that it is highly likely he was indeed stalking because his past choices include smoking crack cocaine, skipping out on his taxes for years, and driving a car with traces of marijuana and cocaine in it. I'm not saying he was indeed stalking, but I could see how a police officer would easily believe that he was...

Oh Marion

Am I The Only One

So I'm reading an article on CNN's site about James von Brunn, the accused shooter in the Holocaust Museum murder and I'm utterly amazed at what some people are willing to say on record. When a gallery owner was questioned about his knowledge of von Brunn's mental condition he had the following to say:

After three days, he said, von Brunn accused him of not doing enough to sell the paintings, telling him he "really needed money." Demolli said he gave the man $20, which he immediately used to buy beer and cigarettes and returned to the gallery, where he quickly began to disparage residents of the surrounding neighborhood, which was largely African-American.
"Then he started talking about the gas chambers, and I said, 'Jim, that's it. That's it. Time out.' I told him to get out of my gallery, and I started taking his paintings down," Demolli said. As he removed the last painting, he said, von Brunn opened his jacket to show him a pistol.

Is it just me or does it appear that the gallery owner was cool with von Brunn making disparaging remarks about African-Americans, but he had crossed the line to talk about Jews? Isn't it all wrong? Shouldn't we have respect for all races? Am I reading too much into the comment?

It's All True

I just saw a man, who hasn't seen a day under 60 probably years ago, wearing a shirt that said, "I Am Hip-Hop"! I tell you no lie. Someone please go get your grandfather, please!! I wanted to take a picture with my phone but he was walking too fast.

This sort of reminds me of when the Silver Fox started wearing a hat that said "Hustler" or the time he told me that he was a fan of Ludacris' song "I Got H*&s". You know that song. The one where he has young ladies in different area codes. Why? Highstepper? Favorite Person? Cajun Spice? Bronx Bomber? Somebody tell me what's going on with the seniors these days?

Several Questions

I have questions minor and not so minor.

1. Why are we two days shy of June and I'm still in a sweater?
2. Why won't my allergies relent?

Ok now for more serious stuff...

1. Was it really necessary for Secret Service or security, whomever, to carry Brenda Lee away at the airport for just trying to give President Obama a letter? Yes, she could have left when asked, but was it really necessary to embarrass this woman like that?
2. I'll save my anger until all details have been given, but why are police still killing innocent people? This time, they've shot one of their own. A young African-American off-duty plain clothes officer who was described as a "team player" by colleagues was shot last night by a white on-duty plain clothes officer who mistook him for a criminal. The mayor says that additional training is needed and there can never be enough training. Is procedural training really the problem here?
3. Can someone, anyone provide answers?

Questions From The Laundromat

Whilst most of you are by now familiar with the fact that I bemoan going to the laundromat, most probably don't know that I find it a terribly emotion inducing place. Each time I'm in there I'm presented with an opportunity to choose between laughing and crying. For instance: should I feel sad for or entertained by the woman in the wheelchair who often comes in singing hits from the '80s and early '90s? Guy and Keith Sweat are her favorites. Tis true my peeps, tis true. 

Glance if you will at the photo below. To the right of the pic are 2 women (you can barely see them to protect their privacy). Apparently, they live in some sort of rehab or shelter center. Here are some of the comments I overheard this morning (Yes, I was ear hustling.): 

  

"Girl come here. Na listen I want to tell you something. Na this is between me and you 'cause I don't want nobody knowing 'bout this." My question: There are maybe only 4 of us in there, but still is the laundromat the place to tell your secrets? 

"All they serve us at that place is turkey wings and chopped meat. Na if you tell 'em you want something dey'll go buy it. But then dey don't all the time buy exactly what you asked fo." My questions: What is chopped meat? Is it a specific sort of meat or could any meat be considered "chopped"? If someone is buying food for you, do you have a right to be picky about it? 

"Let me tell you, between us, she got $2K and some change in September and na she claiming she ain't got no money. What she done wit all dat money? I did nice things for her when she needed help, but she didn't pay me back for it." My questions: When you truly, sincerely do nice things for people are you supposed to expect to be paid back? Also, how long did she expect the $2k and change really last? 

They were joined by a gentleman from the same home/shelter where they live (right of the photo below). His exchange was this: 

Woman: You going out this weekend? 

Man: Yes ma'am I am. Sh#t I went out last night. 

Woman: Oh you off of restriction? 

Man: Yes, I gots things to do. 

Woman: So what you left after the meeting last night? 

Man: Yeah child. I can't be staying in that home all the time. The streets be calling. I only use that place to sleep and eat. 

My question: Isn't the call of the street possibly what landed you in the home/shelter anyway?

 

Russell Simmons Fails Actually So Do We

I swore to myself that by the end of this day, I'd have written 2 chapters of my novel. To do so, I haven't had any communication with the outside world, other than the delivery guy from Wimpy's, since around 9 a.m. Needless to say, I've run into writer's block and my favorite distracting pastime, blog surfing. Tonight, for the first time, I checked out Russell's new web venture, GlobalGrind.com. I was horrified from page 1!

On the home page there is a link that takes you to "TOO HOTT! FOR TV: SCHOOLYARD PUNCH! FEST!" Needless to say I clicked on the link certain that I would find sheer tomfoolery and I was not disappointed. It is over 2 minutes of a schoolyard brawl that starts off between two young girls then spills into an all out "fest" amongst the other young ladies. The scene is being videotaped by some enterprising your men who are all too delighted to be witnessing such a thing. There has to be at least 30 kids out there either witnessing or taking part in this fight. I'm certain there are adults around because people are passing by in cars and they are still on school grounds, yet no one intervenes.

I was expecting there to be some sort of editorial about many of the obvious wrongs present in the clip. There was nothing. It's merely a link to the fight wherein one can find above the video a comment that in part states, "...Crazy! LOL!" Maybe I'm too old to get the humor. Maybe I'm too much a prude to see the entertainment value. Maybe I'm riding a righteous path on a high horse or giving speeches from a soapbox, but I expected someone as socially conscious (supposedly) as grandfather Simmons to promote a higher level of character on his site. But then again, this is a man who doesn't believe there is anything wrong with the current state of hip hop.

I saw that Rev Run has a blog on the site and rushed to his link thinking that he would provide the voice of reasoning. Nope, wrong again. I'm going to learn to stop looking for what I know isn't there. All he offers are trite sayings to motivate people on the most superficial level. Something is wrong when people are able to be successful doing this. I'm not trying to be the dreaded naysayer or hater, but for real?! Really? With generations of unhealthy life cycles and debilitating mindsets we have to overcome, this is what we offer them?

We've all made this too acceptable. We all, yep all of us, get a big fat F-A-I-L!

P.S. I'm not even going into the politics page that talks about First Lady Michelle Obama's "sneaker game." I'm done.

AA Members Need Not Come Apply

Apparently, part of my job lately has included mailing boxes of wine to my boss. After having sent off several bottles and boxes last week, I was surprised by the arrival of 39 more bottles this week!!!!! I opened one box to find correspondence thanking him for joining a wine club. It seems his trip to the Sonoma Valley two weeks ago fueled his passion for vino. Damn New Jersey and their laws regarding liquor shipments!!!!! Here are but a few of the forbidden juices...

I Need A Reason

I'm hoping she had a nervous breakdown or something because otherwise this mess right here is for the birds. I can't be so bothered with this today! 

Thankful is as Thankful Does

Not sure what I meant by the title line but oh well...

1. I went to my first TM meeting and truly enjoyed it. 
2. I'm learning to exhibit restraint in communication at work
3. I was reminded today that we all have a ton of reasons to be thankful and never have to repeat any of them. I think the person who said this had seen my blog beforehand. I'd never met him before today, but surely he's heard of my ruminations!  
4. After 3 days of battling UPS and 2 cases of vino, I finally got them mailed off again and keeping my fingers crossed they make it to NJ this time. 
5. I've decided to yield completely to change. 

HighStepper This Is For You

I don't want to be dead, but I don't want to be alive right now after seeing this. I knew if there was one person in this life who could explain this hot fish grease mess to me, it would be you HighStepper! So start explaining...





If anyone else has an explanation I'd like to hear it. Ruminate please. Somebody? Anybody?

Diddy Wishes He Could Roll Like Obama

What, you ain't know?! Obama rolls deep: 

• Air Force 1 has a gym on board (Boy quit playing because nobody's that serious about working out); 
• His limo is called The Beast and it is equipped with a tear gas cannon, a night-vision camera and oxygen tank (Yeah but his rims don't spin!); 
• The Beast is made from steel plating that can protect against bullets, chemical attack, and missile strikes (So he's not expecting to be carjacked by Pookie and 'nem?); and
• He travels with AB-type blood at all times in case of an emergency transfusion (Yep, cause you just can't get that at the local bodega or 7 Eleven). 

In case you hadn't already heard, President Obama and First Lady Michelle took their first presidential trip abroad yesterday. 

  

Space Age Pimp'n

If we have enough financial resources and politicians have enough time on their hands to be arguing with the Russians over toilet privileges, gym equipment, and who's name is on the food in the fridge on the International Space Station then, don't we have the resources and the time to fund better education, healthcare, and cures for diseases? I won't even get into the fact that humans are actually living on a station in outer space and why if that's possible than anything is possible. Nope not gonna touch that. 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/7973747.stm

Lady Diamond, I got questions!

1. Is Lisa Raye really an actress? I mean really, is she? Doesn't she make the exact same facial expressions and play the exact same role all the time? Is it really acting at that point? 
2. Why does watching Ginuwine dressed for his dance scene make me think about the 70-something year old man in my building who wears his grandson clothes: baggy jeans hung low, baseball cap, over-sized white tee, tons of gold chains and rings on each finger? God please let them be his grandson's clothes! 
3. Why are Ginuwine and Tyrese dressed so differently if they are partners? I watched New York Undercover and Malik Yoba and the Latin dude with the thyroid eyes (Don't act like his eyes weren't bulging. Either he had thyroid issues or he was on that stuff) always dressed in similar style attire and that was always casual. You can't be chasing NYC criminals in a 3-piece suit. Although today's biggest crooks are wearing 3-piece suits and live in penthouses. 
4. Is Ginuwine's officer character a dirty cop? I'm wondering how Lisa Raye can afford Louis Vuitton luggage on a cop's salary because clearly she doesn't work. 
5. What's the explanation for the random guy waiting to shoot Ginuwine? I'm just supposed to believe he was waiting there the whole time in a set-up type situation? I'm going to need them to develop a better story line even if they are on a budget. 

I like Ginuwine really I do. I don't have beef with the lyrics. They beat the standard radio fare these days about booty, tits, sex and booze (thank you T-Pain and R. Kelly for creating that standard). I more than likely will not buy the cd, but I guess its good he's back out there. I believe the face he makes in the opening sums up my opinion on this matter.