All The Single Ladies

In church on Sunday we had a fabulous message delivered by guest pastor Phil Pringle of the Christian City Church International entitled "7 Elements of Faith". It was a wonderful message and he is indeed an entertaining man of faith. While his message was insightful and engaging, there was one crossroads in the morning where he inspired a few say what now's or at the very least some shady side eyes. I don't recall now why he asked, but at some point in the service he requested that all the single people stand (please know that I can't utter the phrase single ladies without wanting to wave my hands about). That seemed a simple enough request. But was it?

Apparently, not! Upon his initial request no one stood (including me). After some lighthearted teasing from him and another request, we all stood. Some of us (yep, including me) sheepishly looked around to see who else was standing. For me, it wasn't that I was scanning the room for candidates so much as I was truly nervous about standing and putting my single status on blast. Por que?

Continue ruminating...

I'm not ashamed or embarrassed about being single in the least. After years of distractions (lots of them from dating the wrong people) I'm finally at a point where my life is on track. I have a great group of friends and I've hung out and explored more of the city in the past two years than I'd done in the previous five. I'm actually sincerely embracing my singleness and enjoying it. I'd like to date, but I won't die if I don't. Sure, I want to stroll the park with a beau holding my hands in his, but I'm not ready to jump a cliff yet because it hasn't happened. So what if I sometimes throw shade to couples on the train who use it as their own private motel room? That's only because I find that level of PDA a tad disgusting. I'm confident I'm cool with my status so, what was my problem?

Clearly, I wasn't the only one hesitating to stand. And to make matters worse, when I boarded the church's coach bus service to head back into the city (my church is in the far far outer reaches of Brooklyn so coach service is welcomed) a couple of the other women expressed annoyance with the request after a fellow passenger asked why we all had trouble standing. Of course, the questioning passenger has already nabbed her Boaz:-) But the question remains, why was there such an uneasy feeling about this all?

I suppose some didn't want to seem desperate or felt like church wasn't the place for such a thing. But if not church, where? Churches are all about families and healthy unions. And as a Christian woman, I'd want a Christian mate. What are the chances that I'm going to bump into one at church? Ah, quite high I assume! Now, I'm not foolish enough to think that everyone who sits in church has church sitting on the inside of them and that they are committed to their walk. But I do know this, the likelihood of that happening at a club or "networking" event is even slimmer!!!

Also, I've got nothing to hide. How is a guy I'm interested in supposed to know I'm single if I don't let him know it? It also got me to thinking about my friends and women in general. Could this tiny episode at church be more revealing as to why we are all still single? Or at the very least, why we are mostly hanging with one another?

If we are always in a group of 6 or 7 women and we are always grossly engaged in our own thing, what sort of signals are we sending out? If we are too embarrassed to stand up in church, how are we responding out in public when approached? If we know a man isn't going to fall from the sky and at the alter with us (tuxedo ready and all) then, why aren't we getting out more in smaller groups and going places where we stand a chance of meeting someone? We do the same sort of things over and over with the same people!

And even though we openly talk amongst ourselves about why we are still single and admit to knowing we have to do something different, we are still talking amongst ourselves about doing something different. Lunacy = doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result!

I'm old fashion and I do want a man to approach me. I don't really have a desire to approach him. I feel like that would always make me wonder if he was truly interested or not.  What's the proper protocol as a Christian woman? What am I supposed to be doing in the meantime (other than working on myself and enjoying singleness)? I mean what if I'm not quite ready for a husband and all that jazz, but I'd just like a boyfriend? What's allowed and what's not? Who am I supposed to suss out these questions with (other than God)? Talking to my single friends is no different than talking to myself because at the end of the day, we are all still single! So many things to consider...

So what was wrong with doing a call and response for all the single ladies in church on Sunday? And is the mass hesitation to acknowledge our status in church a sign of a larger issue? Your thoughts please.