Up In The Air

Last Friday, The Chi-Town Stepper and I caught a showing of George Clooney's Oscar nominated movie "Up In The Air." I hadn't expected any part of the movie to resonate with my own life. Clooney plays a professional downsizer. In other words, he flies across the country firing people for a living. He is also a motivational speaker. Although, his particular brand of motivation advises people not to get too close to things and other people. He is estranged from his family and hasn't had any meaningful romantic relationships. He lives a lonely and isolated life.

In a rare moment of being in his Omaha apartment, we see that he has never taken the time to put any personal touches to the place. The apartment is drab, cold, void of personality, and thereby, detached and void of life. It is clear that he doesn't like spending time there. It does not appear to be the home of anyone enjoying their life. This was the part that resonated with me. Sad but true:-(

Continue ruminating...
Since leaving Louisiana nearly 9 years ago (Goodness, I've been gone nearly a decade. This literally just hit me THIS moment.) I have lived in 2 cities and 5 apartments. None of the homes being where I thought I would settle and stay for any longer than a couple of years at max. My life was transient and I needed to be able to pick up and go. I was always waiting on the "next place" to go to so I never invested in where I was. I was also extremely unhappy and not fully enjoying life. I was dark and my living spaces were as well.

My apartments never showcased my personality, interests, tastes, etc. They were spaces that any random person could walk into and careless about who lived there. And for many years, that was fine for me. Because in order to invest in any of my living spaces, I would have had to acknowledge that I was there. But to acknowledge that I was there, meant also acknowledging that I wasn't where I wanted to be.

I came to some interesting revelations recently: 1) I now realize I am where I am. And as such, I need to be appreciative of where ever that is; 2) In working on some values exercises, I realized that beauty is something I want to be surrounded by. I need to see pretty things on a near constant basis. This life, this world, has a lot of ugly people (in soul not looks) and ugly acts committed by said ugly people (again, I mean their souls) so embracing beauty helps balance it all; and 3) I understand and accept who I authentically am and it is incredibly important to me to have a life that reflects my authentic self.

I received an "instruction" to make my apartment more of a home. A place that I wouldn't mind inviting folks over for a meal or game night. And more importantly, a place that showcased the unique personality and life God has given me. I had been hesitant to invite anyone over because my apartment had not been a home. It had not showcased any of that. In fact, an invite from me was a clear sign of my level of trust or care for the relationship. And even then, I still felt as though most didn't know me well enough to accurately gauge who the authentic me was from my living arrangements.

Since deciding to take the decorating thing more serious (on a bottom line recessionista budget of course), I've been stalking various design blogs and shelter magazine sites. I've always loved interior design, but never indulged in it. But in 2010, I will design a life that in all facets, precisely reflects if not all of me, large pieces.

I'm happy with where I am, relationally speaking, in my life. And I'm uber excited about where I'm headed. Here are some pics of a few things that are inspiring apartment redesign: