It was taught to me that God has a plan and a path for all of us. However, because of our ability to think and make decisions for ourselves (free will), we sometimes make choices that take us off that path. But through God's grace and mercy, He continues to try to guide us back to the intended path. Sometimes we make it, sometimes don't. How do you know you aren't on the right path? I think because you begin to face a steady stream of opposition. Not that there isn't opposition along the path God intended, but it just feels different. And, it's unnecessary.
After having an awesome evening last night, see thankful points below, I went to bed with a smile on my face. That smile turned into a scowl by morning. This morning I woke up with a splitting headache from sinus pressure and because my head hurt so badly, I had a nauseating stomachache. I'd decided to stay home and not go into the office because I just couldn't bring myself to get up and dressed. I wanted nothing more than to lay in bed all day. But I wouldn't be possible. There was work to be done and something inside of me kept telling me to get dressed and go into the office. I refused. The inner nagging wouldn't relent.
Around noon, I started receiving a flood of emails from my co-workers requesting things that could only be done from the office. Great, now I'm forced to go in. I didn't bother trying to look professional in any slight way nor did I do much with my hair. I threw some oil on it and bounced. Yep, just like that! I arrived at the train platform and shortly thereafter an express train pulled up. Maybe my good luck for the day was starting. Maybe this was a sign that the day would get better. I was hopeful, but I was also wrong!!!
The train pulled in but there was a full 5 minutes before the doors would open. Apparently, there was a police investigation to be had and they couldn't open the doors until it was completed. Once the doors were finally opened I get on and grab a seat quickly and think to myself that this may be the day's turning point. I was yet again hopeful and yet again wrong. Ever had that happen? Ever feel like something is your turning point to something good and then, nope nothing nada?!
Once the train pulls off there is a woman yelling at a man, a total stranger, and telling him that she was going to start a fire right there on the train. She threatened him and told him to step off the train so they could fight. Since the train was moving along the tracks I was wondering where said fight would be held. But that's a silly minor detail I suppose. She, a proud Puerto Rican, told the gentleman, a proud Dominican, that he was half a person. He was a mutt really and that she was pure. She paced up and down the train car continuing to threaten this man and create disruptions in the car. I envied for a brief moment the passengers in the other cars, but decided against because who knows, they may have had a bum stinking up their car. So which would be better? A belligerent pregnant woman, yep she was pregnant? Or a bum wearing the fragrance of 20 day old body juices and NYC funk?
She continued to harass this man until she found a new victim. I was tempted to pull out my Bible (I was headed to Bible Study after work) and hit her over the head with it. I was so annoyed by this woman until she said something that saddened me. When someone threatened to call the police on her, this was her response, "Call the police. They aren't going to do anything. Like I called the police when I was raped on the train and they did nothing. So call them. Yeah go ahead call them." I had moved from annoyance to acceptance. Not acceptance of her reckless behavior, but acceptance of her as a human. She was a hurt woman acting out. She had been raped on a train and possibly being beaten because she had papers for an order of protection in her hands. She was pregnant and possibly wasn't expecting support from the child's father. She'd mentioned that he was Dominican and that he wasn't any good and that the Dominican man on the train was probably the same. So I think my assumption about her not counting on support from him is correct. But nevertheless she needed help. I felt the need to pray for her. Actually, I felt the need to reach out to her, but I was afraid. I didn't want to look foolish so I did nothing.
I wasn't where I was supposed to be by staying home and not being at work therefore, all these things popped up relating to work that needed my attention and I had to go in to be where I needed to be. If I had been there I wouldn't have seen the lady on the train and have to sit through that madness from 145th Street all the way to 59th Street. That's a long way to listen to an ill person rant and make threats. But then, I wasn't in the right place when I stayed in my seat and didn't offer her any help.
So did I cross paths with this woman so I could have been the one person who showed her compassion? Which would mean that I was right not to go in when I was supposed to? Or did I have to sit through all of that simply because I wasn't at work at the time I was supposed to be? I don't know.
I got to work and more emails and calls of annoyance came through and I was convinced that the devil was trying his best to take me down today. But in all of this, there is reason to be thankful:
1. I learned that if I carefully listen to another person, I just might hear something to alter my perception and become more compassionate. I think we suffer from a lack of compassion as a society. I was reminded that most people aren't just trying to make life miserable, but rather they are reacting to what they see as the misery in their own lives.
2. That a friend thought enough of me to ask me along with her on a doctor's visit for comfort (or so I believe that's why I was asked).
3. Any of the fires that were simmering at work this morning were easily extinguished once I got into the office.
4. There is a place I know I can go every Thursday to be surrounded by people who are open, honest, and caring. When you've had a rocky day sometimes you just want someone to pat your back and tell you it's alright. And you don't all the time want to explain what made the day rocky. So I can go to this place and these people offer the pat on the back regardless.
5. I came home excited about God and talked about Him boldly on the entire commute without feeling like I had to lower my voice as to not offend anyone.
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