What I Got For Christmas

This Christmas I was set free. Free to pursue the things that really matter. Free to determine who will be in the inner and outer courts of my life. Free to imagine and manifest the type of life I was created to have. And most importantly, free to be the woman I was created to be. In truth, this process of liberation started quite some time ago.

Continue ruminating....

Wow Hadn't Realized

Just logged on to make another post and I realize that as of my last posting, I've made 100 blog entries. Given the fact that I don't post daily and I just started this to get me in the habit of writing more regularly, I'm super stoked about that!!!! Thanks folks for being so supportive and patient with my slow entry rate.

Thankful For The Bad Things

Last week a friend sent a group of us an email titled "Thank You Cards." She was planning to send thank you cards to all the guys she dated in the past who didn't treat her right because they have made her all the more appreciative of the man she now has. It got me thinking about what "bad" things am I thankful for? For everything has a season and yes, there is a season of turmoil just as there is a season of rest. Here's some of the turmoil I'm thankful for and why: 

1. I'm thankful that I spent years of my life depressed because now I can appreciate joy and peace. Also, because I know the battle firsthand I can speak from experience when I tell people it doesn't have to be that way forever. 
2. I'm thankful that I had a broken heart (several times) because if the happiness experienced with the wrong guy could've made me feel such loss, I'm confident that the joy and happiness brought on by the right guy will be mind blowing. 
3. I'm thankful that I experienced the death of a person close to me because I made memories with them while they were alive that will stay with me forever and their impression on my life is truly unforgettable. Those memories are what make me smile instead of cry when I think of them.  
4. I'm glad that my big ideas for my life didn't pan out exactly as I planned because now I've made room for God to show me His plans which are always better than any I could've come up with personally. 
5. I'm thankful that I spend a lot of time underground on the train because each time I come above ground I'm thankful for the simple pleasure of being able to see the sky and breath semi-fresh air. 
6. I'm thankful that the church I attend is so far out in West Nowhere Brooklyn because I get to spend time on the ride hanging with some pretty awesome friends. 
7. I'm thankful that I fell into a job I would've never picked on my own because it has made me all the more thankful of knowing my purpose and moving towards it. It's also taught me things I'm unsure how I would've learned any place else. 
8. I'm thankful that I've disagreed with family and friends because the fact that we still speak afterwards and still show love tells me that the strength of our bonds are super glue tight. 
9. I'm glad that I can witness friends and family be honest about their struggles in life because I can gain wisdom from their experiences. 
10. I'm thankful that I've experienced deception because knowing it was deception means I now know the truth. 

Everyday is a Day to be Thankful

Here are today's reasons: 

1. Songbird and I have agreed to start holding joint writing sessions to force me into completing this book. 
2. I'm assuming that the Tot's fever has broken because I heard her cheerful giggles in the background today. 
3. As I share my upcoming plans with people they are being super supportive. 
4. Thanks to the Bronx Bomber I realize I'm not the only one with a parent that just can't let some strange food habits go. 
5. There was evidence of a major victory in someone's life extremely close to me. Prayer and praise are your best weapons in life. Use them wisely. 
6. Tomorrow is Monday (talk about grace to enjoy things, I'm actually looking forward to work tomorrow). 
7. After hearing about a man who was randomly shot in the leg and had to get it amputated, I'm happy that I have all my limbs. I'm also elated that this man didn't wallow in his injury and turned the situation around to help others as he is now also a motivational speaker. 
8. People are actually reading this blog. Thank you guys! I do appreciate every click and read I get. And while I can see by the site tracking that you are coming, could you just please start commenting so I get some feedback? I promise it's not as hard as trying to figure out why BET is still allowed to be in existence. It is much simpler than that trust me. Thanks! 
9. The salmon pannini from the juice shop is amazing! Arturo has just solidified my status as a loyal customer.  
10. I think it's pretty cool that no matter what kind of day I'm having, I can always find more reasons to be thankful than to be remorseful and ungrateful. What's even more incredible is that you can too if you just try! 

Just a side bar, I could only come up with one reason to not be thankful and that's I didn't get a chance to rewash my hair from last night and twist it. But then again I can still be thankful that I have hair. There are some who've lost theirs due to worry and stress or worse yet, from chemo treatments. So yeah I guess I am always finding more reasons to be happy and thankful! 

One Last Thing

I hadn't written out a thankful list in a while so here goes...

1. Tonight I was sandwiched on the train between a rather portly gentleman who was listening to some rather aggressive rap music that caused him to grunt and wiggle in his seat and a pre-teen who was as musty as a billy goat (note: I've never smelled a billy goat or at least I don't think but I gather they smell badly as when I was younger and would come in from a day's play, The Queen would tell me I smelled like one). I was seated between these two and I didn't smack my lips, suck my teeth, purse my lips, or give a mean side eye, nor did I shake my head! Patience is my friend. 
2. My focus has been improving and I'm being more productive at work because of it. The long hours aren't making me grumpy at all. Yes!!!  (Mentally I'm jumping in the air with one fist raised to the sky!) 
3. As I type this I'm listening to "Don't Want To Do Anything" by Mary J. Blige and K-Ci and it's not making me mournful about past loves lost. Plus, I'm thankful that I came of age before music got totally ridiculous (see earlier Facebook status to see what I mean). 
4. The Silver Fox is cutting back on the smokes!!! He is even agreeing to try Nicorette!!!! 
5. I heard the giggles of Favorite Person and the Tator Tot tonight. 
6. I had dinner with an old friend and enjoyed myself. 
7. I think it's possible that The Sensation and I will become actual friends. Is this a bad move? Someone advise me quick!!!!!
8. My secret bad habit has been improving without unsolicited intervention. 
9. I keep seeing women walking around with fingerwaves. I want to know who told them this was ok in 2009, but the good news is, I didn't display any of the aforementioned signs of annoyance mentioned in thankful item #1. 
10. Cajun Spice has started a beauty blog!!! More details on that later...

As Always

I'm thankful...

1. That I have victory in all circumstances.
2. We are nearly half way through June and I'll see the folks in a month's time.
3. Even though it's rainy, I got nothing but sunshine.
4. Chi-Town Chica gave me the last installment of the series (so on point).
5. New friendships bring new revelations.

Why I'm Thankful

This week has been major for me and quite frankly, I'm on a Supreme high. Here's why...

1. I'm getting closer to the fulfillment of a promise. 
2. I did 4 miles on the track at Riverside Park this morning without passing out. 
3. Writing is going well. 
4. Queen Bee didn't shot down my idea when I gave it to her. She was extremely supportive. 
5. I'm going to see Toni Morrison tomorrow and I'm super excited! 
6. I didn't see Frederick Douglass at all this past week so, there was no need to hurry about from train to train for fear that he may try to talk to me. 
7. The sun is back out. Glory be! 
8. I feel really comfortable just being me. That isn't always as easy or common sensical as it may seem. 
9. I forgave the Hudson. Progress is good. 
10. I don't care what the calendar says, summer is here!!!!! 

Battle Formation

This weekend I watched the Greek battle movie 300 on dvd (more insight from this weekend to come). The premise of the movie is this: The great Spartan warriors with their valiant king take on the whole of the Persian army that numbers well into the tens of thousands with an "army" of 300 of the king's personal bodyguards because he's been told that he can't wage war using the Spartan army. This group of 300 are able to fight off the legions of Persian warriors for quite some time before being defeated.

They indeed fought a losing battle but, it was the manner in which they were able to be as successful as they were that intrigued me and sent me to Wikipedia to learn more about these people and their battles. They fought in a phalanx formation. In a phalanx, the emphasis is on the unit acting as one rather than one person fighting within a unit. Each man carries his shield on his left to protect the man on his left while using his weaponry with his right hand. This allows them to move in such a way as to be an impenetrable force. It's a formation still in use today.


The effectiveness of a phalanx is based on how well they are able to maintain their formation in battle. Members of a phalanx have to trust and be willing to protect their neighbors. In the Greek army, warriors were placed next to and required to protect their family and friends as an incentive to stick to the formation as well as a means to discourage a warrior from retreating for risk of shame. This created a more disciplined and courageous army that could win in battle.

Even though this wasn't the first time I'd heard of this formation, I guess it resonated with me during the movie because of recent ruminations about my own life and the times in which we live. Knowing that a cord of 3 strands is not easily broken, I wonder why is it that so many amongst us seem to think otherwise? How much more effective in life would we be if we implemented the phalanx mentality? Everyone's motto seems to be to "get mine."

The fact that these men could protect their fellow man with one arm and protect themselves with the other proves to me that it's possible to help the advancement of another while you also advance. On blogs, people are cutting down one another and wishing misfortune on those who are striving towards their dreams or trying to make an impact in society; teens are being cyber bullies; in professional environments, team members are actively engaged in sabotage so they can appear to be the lone shining star; the rich often see charity as welfare or a P.R. opportunity; and in relationships, many feel to compromise for the good of the whole is somehow short changing the individual. For these and countless other reasons, I wonder how long can a society survive like this?

If a family says to each other "No matter what, this is our focus" and lets no outside force interfere with their pursuit of the goal as a collective unit, how much faster will they get there? Is it impossible to think that two people on a job with different areas of expertise and strengths could team up and present an innovative idea that allows both of them an opportunity for promotion? Could the problem of poor education in our schools and the societal issues that result from it be solved if parents, teachers, and administrators banded together for the good of the common purpose which is to educate the minds of our brightest hopes: our kids?

I'm about to ingrain the phalanx in my life. My family, my friends, my co-workers, my spirit and soul, everything and everyone need to be lined up for a purpose of common good.

What Shall I Say

I shall say that I'm appreciative for all of my experiences (good, bad, or indifferent) and the people placed in my life. More specifically, what shall I say are the reasons I'm grateful today? 

1. I'm accepting the fact that my wisdom is finite which opens me up to gain more from an infinite source. 
2. Favorite Person is exceeding her own expectations, but I knew all along she would. 
3. I told HS that I needed help and He graciously answered my request. 
4. My frustrations with my lack of excellence through the years hasn't deterred me from continuing to strive for it. 
5. I have people in my life who are patient with me. Thanks RF! 
   
   

Told You I Had Progressed

So Bowler Boy told me today that my site needed to be jazzed up with graphics or something. I'm working on it but it takes time. He says he sees too many words, and for those of you who know Bowler Boy, you know he despises words and reading. Thank you BB for continuing to tune in anyway!

I'll try to keep this short. After years of reading self-help, business success, networking and people management books and articles, I finally decided to test out some of what I learned. In the past when faced with a networking opportunity, I would glide along the sidelines of the room waiting for someone to come over and talk to me. if I didn't have an introduction from someone else, I wouldn't have ever opened my mouth. This usually happens when I'm supposed to be advancing my personal agenda. If I had to network on the company time, it didn't seem as daunting and I did it much easier. Notice I didn't say with ease, just easier than if I had to do it to further my personal endeavors. In fact, I don't recall having gained a friend in my life wherein I spoke to them first. It has mostly been someone being brave enough to approach me. Tonight that ended.

In preparation for my first Toastmaster's meeting tomorrow and an event I was supposed to attend last night, I went to the TM website to gather info. I ran across an article on Mingling. I implemented some of the tips and whaddaya know? I actually had an enjoyable time at a networking event. I made what I believe are good contacts, I was engaging and witty. You know, a few of the things I am naturally, but rarely do I show it to strangers. I just wanted to share that. Good night folks.

Where I'm Supposed To Be

It was taught to me that God has a plan and a path for all of us. However, because of our ability to think and make decisions for ourselves (free will), we sometimes make choices that take us off that path. But through God's grace and mercy, He continues to try to guide us back to the intended path. Sometimes we make it, sometimes don't. How do you know you aren't on the right path? I think because you begin to face a steady stream of opposition. Not that there isn't opposition along the path God intended, but it just feels different. And, it's unnecessary.

After having an awesome evening last night, see thankful points below, I went to bed with a smile on my face. That smile turned into a scowl by morning. This morning I woke up with a splitting headache from sinus pressure and because my head hurt so badly, I had a nauseating stomachache. I'd decided to stay home and not go into the office because I just couldn't bring myself to get up and dressed. I wanted nothing more than to lay in bed all day. But I wouldn't be possible. There was work to be done and something inside of me kept telling me to get dressed and go into the office. I refused. The inner nagging wouldn't relent.

Around noon, I started receiving a flood of emails from my co-workers requesting things that could only be done from the office. Great, now I'm forced to go in. I didn't bother trying to look professional in any slight way nor did I do much with my hair. I threw some oil on it and bounced. Yep, just like that! I arrived at the train platform and shortly thereafter an express train pulled up. Maybe my good luck for the day was starting. Maybe this was a sign that the day would get better. I was hopeful, but I was also wrong!!!

The train pulled in but there was a full 5 minutes before the doors would open. Apparently, there was a police investigation to be had and they couldn't open the doors until it was completed. Once the doors were finally opened I get on and grab a seat quickly and think to myself that this may be the day's turning point. I was yet again hopeful and yet again wrong. Ever had that happen? Ever feel like something is your turning point to something good and then, nope nothing nada?!

Once the train pulls off there is a woman yelling at a man, a total stranger, and telling him that she was going to start a fire right there on the train. She threatened him and told him to step off the train so they could fight. Since the train was moving along the tracks I was wondering where said fight would be held. But that's a silly minor detail I suppose. She, a proud Puerto Rican, told the gentleman, a proud Dominican, that he was half a person. He was a mutt really and that she was pure. She paced up and down the train car continuing to threaten this man and create disruptions in the car. I envied for a brief moment the passengers in the other cars, but decided against because who knows, they may have had a bum stinking up their car. So which would be better? A belligerent pregnant woman, yep she was pregnant? Or a bum wearing the fragrance of 20 day old body juices and NYC funk?

She continued to harass this man until she found a new victim. I was tempted to pull out my Bible (I was headed to Bible Study after work) and hit her over the head with it. I was so annoyed by this woman until she said something that saddened me. When someone threatened to call the police on her, this was her response, "Call the police. They aren't going to do anything. Like I called the police when I was raped on the train and they did nothing. So call them. Yeah go ahead call them." I had moved from annoyance to acceptance. Not acceptance of her reckless behavior, but acceptance of her as a human. She was a hurt woman acting out. She had been raped on a train and possibly being beaten because she had papers for an order of protection in her hands. She was pregnant and possibly wasn't expecting support from the child's father. She'd mentioned that he was Dominican and that he wasn't any good and that the Dominican man on the train was probably the same. So I think my assumption about her not counting on support from him is correct. But nevertheless she needed help. I felt the need to pray for her. Actually, I felt the need to reach out to her, but I was afraid. I didn't want to look foolish so I did nothing.

I wasn't where I was supposed to be by staying home and not being at work therefore, all these things popped up relating to work that needed my attention and I had to go in to be where I needed to be. If I had been there I wouldn't have seen the lady on the train and have to sit through that madness from 145th Street all the way to 59th Street. That's a long way to listen to an ill person rant and make threats. But then, I wasn't in the right place when I stayed in my seat and didn't offer her any help.

So did I cross paths with this woman so I could have been the one person who showed her compassion? Which would mean that I was right not to go in when I was supposed to? Or did I have to sit through all of that simply because I wasn't at work at the time I was supposed to be? I don't know.

I got to work and more emails and calls of annoyance came through and I was convinced that the devil was trying his best to take me down today. But in all of this, there is reason to be thankful:

1. I learned that if I carefully listen to another person, I just might hear something to alter my perception and become more compassionate. I think we suffer from a lack of compassion as a society. I was reminded that most people aren't just trying to make life miserable, but rather they are reacting to what they see as the misery in their own lives.

2. That a friend thought enough of me to ask me along with her on a doctor's visit for comfort (or so I believe that's why I was asked).

3. Any of the fires that were simmering at work this morning were easily extinguished once I got into the office.

4. There is a place I know I can go every Thursday to be surrounded by people who are open, honest, and caring. When you've had a rocky day sometimes you just want someone to pat your back and tell you it's alright. And you don't all the time want to explain what made the day rocky. So I can go to this place and these people offer the pat on the back regardless.

5. I came home excited about God and talked about Him boldly on the entire commute without feeling like I had to lower my voice as to not offend anyone.

Unstoppable

It's true, I am pretty fantabulous!!! Here's why...

1. Somewhere around 6:00p.m. I started laughing and didn't stop until 12:15a.m.
2. Cajun Spice passed her comp exam. Now she only has to knock out her thesis then, graduation here she comes!!!! Note: I'm already well aware that the victory is hers. It just hasn't manifested in the physical yet. Which reminds me, I have to start looking for a graduation gift. Dang nabit.
3. When I got home this evening the above runner's bib was in my mailbox indicating that I will be running a 5K next month and it wasn't all in my imagination. Go Team Conquerors!!!!!
4. I saw the cutest kid on the train tonight. She was dressed like a child an actual child and behaved like one too. That's rare these days, especially in this city.
5. My new computer monitor arrived at work.