Yes I Ruminate

A Brief Pause

2010-05-21T16:08:00.000-04:00

My goodness, it sure has been a long time since I last spoke with you :-) Due to a variety of reasons (I won't bore you the details), blogging at YIR will be on hold for a while. Maybe I'll be gone a month, maybe longer. But fret not dear readers, I won't be gone forever. And when I do return, I intend to have made well worth the wait!!! As always, thanks for your continued support and patience.

Wednesday's Woman: Jayme L. Alilaw

2010-05-05T14:07:00.002-04:00

I'm super excited to bring you today's Wednesday's Woman because I know that you will be as equally impressed by this young dynamo as I am!!! She is a talented vocalist, Masters degree candidate, veteran, volunteer, and if all of that wasn't enough, she's a mother as well. And I'd say all of this even if we didn't share (phonetically speaking - I spell mine differently) the same middle name LOL! I can get tired just thinking of what her schedule must look like.

Today's leading lady sat down to answer a few questions for the YIR audience about her influences, vision, role as a mother and legacy maker, and a servicewoman to her country. I'm pleased to introduce to you the uber talented mezzo-soprano and California State University graduate student Jayme L. Alilaw!!

Continue ruminating...

What was your first exposure to the opera?

My earliest memory of opera is seeing the proverbial "fat lady" in cartoons. You know, the stereotypical larger white woman with horns on her head. I didn't have any real exposure to opera until I started studying vocal performance at California State University, Northridge.

What convinced you to pursue performance as a career?

If you know me, you know that you cannot get me to shut up! I have to sing, and despite the fact that I made many attempts to pursue a more practical career, it's in my blood. I have to perform, that's when I really feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to.

Where do you draw your musical inspirations and influences from?

I've been exposed to music all of my life. Both of my parents are music enthusiasts (my father was a dj for most of my younger years). I've grown up loving r&b, hip hop, gospel, urban contemporary (I wanted to sound like Anita Baker). When I started studying opera in school, one of the first things I did was look for a black presence in the genre. I thought "do black people sing opera?" I needed to know what I was getting myself into. Not only did I find a black presence, but I found some of the greatest divas in the opera world! Leontyne Price, Jessye Norman, Kathleen Battle, Grace Bumbry, Shirley Verrett, these women are inspirations for all opera singers. It was empowering to find them because then I knew that I had someone else's shoulders to stand on and didn't have to forge a path anew.

What challenges, if any, have you faced being a minority trying to pursue a non-conventional career in a predominantly European art form?

I have not personally experienced any stumbling blocks (that I know of) due to my ethnicity. In fact, I have found that it has been a large asset in terms of my desire to educate and expand opera audiences. I use my hue to shock and shift (the) paradigms of those who have not seen brown people singing opera. I do find that I exert extra effort to make sure I'm on point so that I will give no room to be denied. I also have friends who have experienced type-casting because some directors lack the imagination to see them in broader roles.

It's widely assumed that most African-Americans don't attend opera performances. If you had to guess, about what percentage of your audience is African-American? And, how do you think we can get larger audiences?

Oh, I'd hate to start throwing out numbers because I am new to the game and have relatively little exposure. I must say that in my personal circle, most of my friends and family had no prior exposure to opera, no prior interest. They felt like it had nothing to do with them until they were coming out to support me. I have found that when there are African American performers in the cast, there will be more African Americans in the audiences, that makes it more relevent, more relatable to them, to us. I've personally sought ways to make this music more interesting to my sphere of influence by tying it in with spirituals and other forms they are familiar with and educating them about how it relates to them.

You did a performance that highlighted your passion for Negro spirituals. What makes this music compelling for you? And, do you see any overlap between that genre and operatic performances?

Spirituals are the first uniquely "American" music. Every other music before it was brought here from a previous experience, but Spirituals were born here of the American experience. They documented the African's becoming American and all that it entailed. Spirituals have so much depth, demonstrating the humanity, spirituality, intelligence of a people who did not only survive the most inhumane of circumstances, but thrived, adapted, and created in the midst of it all. People around the world have adapted these pieces because their themes are so universally human and they remain relevant today. Both opera and spirituals serve as powerful, communicative art forms and I can definately draw upon one to inform the other.

Please explain your work with EbonSong. Why did you feel it was important to be a part of this group?

EbonSong is a new ensemble made up of African American singers. The group was formed by Dereau Farrar for the purpose of showcasing both African American composers and African American musicians. This group is right up my alley! I believe in the mission of the group, which is in line with what I hope to do, spread the word about the original works of African American composers. There are lots of beautiful pieces out there that have been neglected and it would do us good to shine light on them.

You are about to complete your studies for a Masters of Music. Why did you feel it was important to have this academic addition to your already impressive list of accomplishments?

I still had more to learn! It has never been a question as to whether I would pursue a college degree. When I settled on Vocal Performance, I realized that I was behind the curve. It is also fairly standard for opera singers to get a Master's degree nowadays.

Speaking of furthering your interests, what is it that you ultimately envision for your career?

I want to do so much. I ultimately aspire to an international career as an opera singer and recitalist. I want to continue to advocate for the neglected works of African American composers and expand the opera audience. I want to change the world through opera!

Service (to country and community) is an important and consistent theme in your life as you were a Sergeant in the U.S. Army Reserves and you've done voluteer work to better the lives of Hurricane Katrina victims. What drives you to serve?

Wow, I never really thought of it that way. If there is something that needs to be done and I can do it, then I do. I guess I get that from my mom.

Most importantly, you are a mother to a 7 year old little girl. How do you find time to balance your role as a mother with that of a performer, student, and servicewoman?

So, mother is definately the central role, but because I have the greatest support system in the world through my mother and sisters, I am able to pursue the other things. When I was deployed to Iraq, I had to leave my (then) 20 month old daughter with my mom and younger sister. Though it was heart-wrenching, I had peace because I knew that my family was the next best thing to me being there. Since then, my mother has pledged that wherever we are, there she will be. My family believes in me so much that they have all invested in me. As a result, this little girl is surrounded by more love and care than she even wants sometimes!

Will you encourage your daughter to enter the arts? Is she showing any signs of artistic ability or do you think she'll go into a totally different direction?

This girl is so dynamic already that I don't know which way she will go. She's definately musical, as she sings along with me while I vocalize, she's been to every opera I've ever performed in, and she's been composing her own songs since she was 2. She's also very theatrical and takes an interest in acting. Then again, she loves fine arts as well. And on top of all that, she is extremely intelligent, so really, she could do just about anything and everything and none of it would surprise me.

What legacy is it that you are leaving not only for your daughter, but other little girls like her?

My daughter has been with me at every step of the way. She has heard me practice for hours on end, she was there with me doing the daily hourly commute to and from campus, and she has seen me in uniform going to training. For her, all of this is normal and I want her to continue to believe that. Everything that is for her is accessible to her. I want her and everyone else to know that if there is something burning in them to do, then there is a means for them to do it, even if it seems highly unlikely or out of reach.

What advice do you have for anyone wanting to either pursue a career in the arts or simply learn more about the opera?

The internet is a wonderful thing! I'm a self-proclaimed researcher, so I would say whatever you want to know, look it up. For those intimidated or intrigued by opera, read some of the story lines and have an open mind. To those who are interested in a career in the arts I would say the same thing. Have an open mind and follow where your passion leads you, it may not be to where you thought.

Thank you Jayme!!

If you would like more information on Jayme and her performances, please check out her website http://www.jayme-alilaw.com/. For more information on the ensemble that Jayme is apart of check out EbonSong's website as well. And if you would like more information on living your passions, check out today's Examiner post.

Stop Trying

2010-05-03T13:13:00.002-04:00

Last year while watching a Joyce Meyer podcast, I realized I needed to stop trying to do things in my life. I'll explain.

Whenever there was a task to be done wherein I either didn't know whether or not I'd be successful or I simply didn't want to be bothered with it at that moment, I'd say, "I'll try." This left plenty of wiggle room and a shelter from accountability. Watching Joyce instruct her audience to "just stop trying and just do it" seemed extremely empowering.

However, learning something and thinking it makes sense, still doesn't make it a personal conviction. I literally told myself, "I'm going to try to stop trying and just do it!" I'm fully aware of the oxymoronic logic there. But, at the time that seemed reasonable enough.

Continue ruminating...
Fast forward to the present day and I'm a woman who is launching a business, completing certification training, maintaining a blog, working with coaching clients, working an un-related full-time job with a little freelancing on the side, pursuing my hobbies and passions, and making time for my friends and family. It all at times seems like a lot to handle. It can get stressful. And, to be quite honest with you, sometimes I question whether or not I can handle it all.

But! Yes, yes, there is always a but! It seems like a lot and at times I question my own ability to successfully manage it all, BUT I most certainly can!!!

I know this because I'm not doing anything I don't feel God has instructed me to do. In fact, all of the things on my plate, for the most part, are what I've been created to do. Therefore, what He's called me to do; He's equipped me to do.

If this is the case, why wasn't I doing more? Why do I seem to be behind the 8 ball all the time?

Simple: Because I'm a procrastinator. I totally get the fact that I'm transitioning into a career that is all about helping others pursue their passions and goals, and doing it with urgency, but I remove myself from the equation. I've always been a better cheerleader and accountability partner for others than I was to myself. I believe part of what makes me so ideal for coaching is the fact that I have a deep and sincere interest in just wanting to be of service to others and seeing them succeed.

There are plenty of doctors who are smokers or overweight, just as there are dysfunctional therapists. So, just because you know better and help others to do better, doesn't mean you always implement it in your life. But enough of that. Joyce's words have finally become conviction.

On Sunday, my pastor spoke of temptation and the fact that there is no temptation that isn't common to man nor are there any that we aren't designed to resist. But, he put a new spin on that familiar scripture for me, and new revelation and conviction came along with it.

Christians sometimes get spooky pookey and throw all responsibility for everything in our lives to God. This removes any notion of accountability to ourselves out of the equation. But we shouldn't do that. He created us to be able to handle certain things on our own with what He has already placed inside of us. And, just in case you forget to use what you already have, He throws in a little grace along with the power of the Holy Spirit.

Therefore, I can resist the temptation to simply try to get things accomplished. I don't need angels to descend from the heavens and pinch me every time I need to get something done. I need to stop trying to do it and move to a place of JUST DOing IT. How? By better management of my time and the discipline to see it through.

By saying I'd try to do things, it exonerated me from having to take the higher road and do my best. I fall prey to the temptation of only doing my absolute best when I've deemed something important to me. It doesn't have to directly benefit me, just be what I consider important. But that shouldn't be the case. As someone who desires to operate in excellence, I should be disciplined enough to do my best on any task I've agreed to undertake. So, to diminish my urge to procrastinate, I'll say, "I'll do my best to..." and actually mean it and see it through.

To see some of the ways I intend to implement this new mindset in my life and tips on how you too can stop procrastinating, check out my post today over at Examiner.com.

Image: Nike logo

Tribeca Film Festival 2010

2010-04-28T14:41:00.000-04:00

The Tribeca Film Festival is well underway at various venues throughout the city. I was fortunate enough to attend premiere screenings for two interesting character driven movies.

On Sunday, I checked out "Cairo Time" starring Patricia Clarkson. Although we've all seen Ms. Clarkson in countless movies, this one marks the first time she has played the romantic lead (I was stunned when I first learned this as well). Patricia plays the part of Juliette, a woman who goes to Egypt to visit her United Nations employed husband for a long-awaited vacation. When he is unable to join her, he sends his former security advisor Tareq, a charming and handsome Egyptian who provides protection, guidance, and assistance in this isolating foreign land. There is crazy chemistry brewing between the two and a too-close-for-comfort friendship develops.

Glamazon and TT strolling the red carpet before the movie

The scene inside the BMCC Tribeca PAC theater before the start of the movie

The director, Ruba Nadda, introducing the film's stars and producers

Next up, was last night's premiere of "Legacy" starring Idris Elba, Eamonn Walker, and Monique Gabriela Curnen.

"Legacy" is about a former Black Ops soldier, played by Idris, who is sent on a mission to capture an arms dealer, but finds himself beaten and tortured. When he learns that the operation was a mission in fultility, he returns to the U.S. to with plans to rectify the situation.

The singular setting of a dingy Brooklyn hotel room sets the backdrop for one of the most riveting performances I've seen from Idris. As a man deeply wounded, (emotionally, mentally, and physically) he fully embodies the character and transforms into something other than the cocky and swaggerific Brit we've come to love.

Idris Elba and Thomas Ikimi

After the movie, the cast and director answered some audience questions. The Nigerian born director, Thomas Ikimi, is smart, funny, and passionate about filmmaking. His desire to bring back the fundamentals of good cinema is to be applauded because, unfortunately, it's not all that common these days.

If I had to describe this movie in one phrase, I would say, "I Am Legend meets the direction of Alfred Hitchcock."

The Tribeca Film Festival runs through May 2. If you are in the NYC area, do yourself a favor and check out a screening or two. For all others, the festival is an annual affair so, be prepared to be here next year:-)

The Quads and Yale

2010-04-28T13:03:00.000-04:00

This brilliant set of African-American quads from Danbury, CT have made history by being the first set of quadruplets to be admitted to Yale. The siblings (Martina, Ray, Carol, and Kenny Crouch) had their pick of Ivy League and top tier schools including Harvard, Johns Hopkins, Duke, Tufts, Wesleyan, and NYU, but ultimately settled on Yale because of its "down to earth" atmosphere and a generous financial aid packet.

These kids should be celebrated for their hard work and the example they'll be setting for thousands of other minority students. Instead of desiring to be rappers, video vixens, or pro atheletes, these four have set their sights higher.

With the cost of tuition steadily rising, they weren't dismayed and neither did they tell themselves to dream smaller. In general, there is nothing wrong with applying to local state schools or going to a community college. However, too many of our Ivy League ready students do so because they become overwhelmed by the prospects of the college application process and the exhorbant costs.

We have a responsiblity as parents, aunts, uncles, mentors, friends, and even neighbors to help out those coming after us. And if that includes helping them navigate the college admissions process so they can soar among the elite minds of this nation, then so be it!!!

A friend of mine, The Chi-Town Stepper, has come up with ways to teach kids to "dream out loud, often, and together". I'd also add to dream BIG, WAY BIG!!!! Let's make the Crouch story the rule and not the exception!!!

Read more about them at The New York Times.

Cupcake Heaven

2010-04-28T12:40:00.000-04:00

I really believe my life might be complete if I purchase this t-shirt. It's being sold on Etsy in the Dressing On the Side shop.

These cupcakes are topped with edible butterflies. Need I say more?!?!

**All cupcake items were originally found on one of my regular blog reads, The Kitchn.

Toni Childs Is Back

2010-04-27T13:51:00.000-04:00

Well not really Toni Childs. Jill Marie Jones was one of my favorite actresses to watch weekly on the UPN hit show Girlfriends. I'm sure most of you are familiar with the show therefore, no explanations are needed. Starting tomorrow night, Miss. Jones will play the lead of the series within a series entitled Gillian In Georgia.

The mini mini-series will air during the commercial breaks of TBS' Tyler Perry's Meet The Browns. Jill plays a Big City fashionista who visits her sister down south and gets sort of stuck there helping her through an injury. It begins tomorrow night, April 28, at 8:00pm. You can find out more about the show's premise and cast here.

You know, I was literally just having this conversation last night with the Chi-Town Stepper and Momma Stepper about Black actresses and the lack of opportunities for them. We'd discussed the fact that there are people who are out there creating roles for themselves no matter how large or small of a stage they get to play on. Tyler P. has truly opened a door and is continuing to create opportunities for others. Regardless of the thoughts on the quality of the content, he isn't beholden to anyone else's whims about whether or not he and the people he employ deserve a seat at the Hollywood table. I suppose that's something to cheer about!!!

Owa Owa Jill Marie is back!!!

White Void

2010-04-23T16:35:00.002-04:00

In a previous posting, I mentioned how I had not previously invested in any way into making my apartment a home. However, after realizing that my home should be a reflection of me and it's where I spend the most important time, I'd decided to commit to this project.

I have now officially gotten into the swing of things with the apartment redesign. I've decided to take it one room at a time, only buying what I really love and want to live with for the next couple of years, and piece by piece as that's what my budget allows for. In case you're wondering, the bedroom is the first room to see a change. I hope to be able to show you pictures in a couple of weeks.

Being a renter put some limitations on what I can do. Most notably, painting is an issue. While I want a colorful and vibrant home, I don't want the hassle of painting the walls now and then repainting them when it is time to leave. So, I shall be leaving the walls white!!!!

While appealing to my laziness (don't want to repaint), my thriftiness (don't want to pay for painting), and my impatience (no time investment needed if they are left as is), the idea of leaving the walls white didn't really appeal to my creative passionate side.

Also, I believe wall color greatly affects the mood of the place. I was thinking white walls, no matter what else was done in the rooms, would leave the place feeling too spare and therefore, boring. But I couldn't be further from the truth.

Leaving the walls white can look crisp, glamorous, organized, modern or retro, and serve as the perfect backdrop for accessories and furnishings! Here are a few inspirational rooms with white walls.

Continue ruminating...

Lonny Magazine

Made By Girl

Apartment Therapy

All The Single Ladies

2010-04-22T13:00:00.001-04:00

In church on Sunday we had a fabulous message delivered by guest pastor Phil Pringle of the Christian City Church International entitled "7 Elements of Faith". It was a wonderful message and he is indeed an entertaining man of faith. While his message was insightful and engaging, there was one crossroads in the morning where he inspired a few say what now's or at the very least some shady side eyes. I don't recall now why he asked, but at some point in the service he requested that all the single people stand (please know that I can't utter the phrase single ladies without wanting to wave my hands about). That seemed a simple enough request. But was it?

Apparently, not! Upon his initial request no one stood (including me). After some lighthearted teasing from him and another request, we all stood. Some of us (yep, including me) sheepishly looked around to see who else was standing. For me, it wasn't that I was scanning the room for candidates so much as I was truly nervous about standing and putting my single status on blast. Por que?

Continue ruminating...

I'm not ashamed or embarrassed about being single in the least. After years of distractions (lots of them from dating the wrong people) I'm finally at a point where my life is on track. I have a great group of friends and I've hung out and explored more of the city in the past two years than I'd done in the previous five. I'm actually sincerely embracing my singleness and enjoying it. I'd like to date, but I won't die if I don't. Sure, I want to stroll the park with a beau holding my hands in his, but I'm not ready to jump a cliff yet because it hasn't happened. So what if I sometimes throw shade to couples on the train who use it as their own private motel room? That's only because I find that level of PDA a tad disgusting. I'm confident I'm cool with my status so, what was my problem?

Clearly, I wasn't the only one hesitating to stand. And to make matters worse, when I boarded the church's coach bus service to head back into the city (my church is in the far far outer reaches of Brooklyn so coach service is welcomed) a couple of the other women expressed annoyance with the request after a fellow passenger asked why we all had trouble standing. Of course, the questioning passenger has already nabbed her Boaz:-) But the question remains, why was there such an uneasy feeling about this all?

I suppose some didn't want to seem desperate or felt like church wasn't the place for such a thing. But if not church, where? Churches are all about families and healthy unions. And as a Christian woman, I'd want a Christian mate. What are the chances that I'm going to bump into one at church? Ah, quite high I assume! Now, I'm not foolish enough to think that everyone who sits in church has church sitting on the inside of them and that they are committed to their walk. But I do know this, the likelihood of that happening at a club or "networking" event is even slimmer!!!

Also, I've got nothing to hide. How is a guy I'm interested in supposed to know I'm single if I don't let him know it? It also got me to thinking about my friends and women in general. Could this tiny episode at church be more revealing as to why we are all still single? Or at the very least, why we are mostly hanging with one another?

If we are always in a group of 6 or 7 women and we are always grossly engaged in our own thing, what sort of signals are we sending out? If we are too embarrassed to stand up in church, how are we responding out in public when approached? If we know a man isn't going to fall from the sky and at the alter with us (tuxedo ready and all) then, why aren't we getting out more in smaller groups and going places where we stand a chance of meeting someone? We do the same sort of things over and over with the same people!

And even though we openly talk amongst ourselves about why we are still single and admit to knowing we have to do something different, we are still talking amongst ourselves about doing something different. Lunacy = doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result!

I'm old fashion and I do want a man to approach me. I don't really have a desire to approach him. I feel like that would always make me wonder if he was truly interested or not. What's the proper protocol as a Christian woman? What am I supposed to be doing in the meantime (other than working on myself and enjoying singleness)? I mean what if I'm not quite ready for a husband and all that jazz, but I'd just like a boyfriend? What's allowed and what's not? Who am I supposed to suss out these questions with (other than God)? Talking to my single friends is no different than talking to myself because at the end of the day, we are all still single! So many things to consider...

So what was wrong with doing a call and response for all the single ladies in church on Sunday? And is the mass hesitation to acknowledge our status in church a sign of a larger issue? Your thoughts please.

The Silver Fox Makes History

2010-04-20T14:37:00.001-04:00

Today is the 65th birthday for The Silver Fox. This is awesome. I'm so excited!!!! He's excited!!! We're all excited!!!! It's great when God gives you another year, but this is especially memorable and noteworthy because my grandfather and my dad's older brothers all passed away before reaching the age of 65. He was nervous he wouldn't see it. With heart disease being something that had done a large portion of the male members of his family in, The Silver Fox is an anomaly around this family tree. Even his younger brothers have had strokes or heart attacks. He hasn't had either!!

I love my dad and I tell him every time I talk to him. But today I told him I was proud of him. He has flaws like everyone else, but he's always there when I need him. Here's to 65 more years (I like to shoot for the stars) Daddy!!!!!!!! And yes, he's been silver since I was born:-)

Shopping in Service Merchandise

Backyard with my Favorite Person

Dancing in the man room with my Childhood Loan Officer

Note: They both think they shine on the dance floor ;-0

Dropping me off in Houston, TX for a summer internship at Six Flags

Family vacation at Universal Stuidos

Wedding of a family friend. I forgot what role the Favorite Person played as that would explain the dress Oh! Crochet braids and Shirley Temple spirals. God bless the '90s.

Time To Be Thankful

2010-04-15T14:34:00.001-04:00

I confess to feeling like a sucker today! And why do I feel like a sucker do you ask? Well, because my last blog entry was 3 weeks ago and it was such a personal victory, that I thought "surely I should have followed it up with something really cool,"right? Right? Well, I didn't. And while I'm not proud of that, I shall carry on.

Truth of the matter is, I hadn't felt very inspired to write anything. Not that I was upset, I just wasn't inspired. Then, today I recalled that I hadn't done a gratitude post in quite sometime. When I first started this blog, gratitude was (in addition to developing the regular habit of writing) one of my main reasons for doing so. I wanted to challenge myself to find reasons to be thankful everyday or at the very least a couple of times each week give intentional thought to the vast reasons I had to be more appreciative of my life. So here goes:

I finally kicked my apartment redesign into gear and have found some really cute things. I'm tackling the project one room at a time and will reveal photos of each room as they are completed. The bedroom is first.
After trying to sell my dining table on Craigslist, I was informed of a family who had lost everything in a fire and so, I donated the table to them. And since donating the table, I have all sorts of room to dance around my apartment (the table was too large for the space). Is it really necessary to have a dining table? I really don't want to lose the square footage again te he he!
Life Revolution Coaching, LLC is a registered business in the state of New York with a federal EIN, and it's own business banking account! May seem small to some, but it's a tangible manifestation of a long personal process.
I aced my Foundational Coaching exam and am expecting the certificate any day now!!! Owa Owa!!! I still have several more courses to take, but I'm well on my way to certification!!
The Songbird was entered into the Classical Writer Hall of Fame (I think that's the proper title)!!! She has been laboring (in love) for quite sometime to pursue her passion so, I'm pleased to acknowledge this accomplishment with her.
I just started working with a new coaching client and I'm pretty excited about the direction I think she is headed!!
The Tator Tot and The Boys all enjoyed their Easter gifts from TT Tracey:-) Who is the world's best aunt? Who? Say it louder please!!! Yep, that's right...ME!!!
Provision is continually being provided even when I'm certain I didn't deserve it. And even when I think I did, I probably still didn't. But oh so thankful anyway!!
I FINALLY went out and bought some yarn for my first knitting project. That's right folks, knitting!! And, Cajun Spice didn't throw me a side eye mean enough to be felt over the phone!!!!
I'm thankful that I'm comfortable enough with myself and my Source to honestly share my process with folks. I'm not perfect. I do make mistakes, but I've learned a lot and I'm trying to use that wisdom to help others.
IT'S SPRING!!!!
There are many more reasons I can think of, but I believe best of all is that while I started this entry feeling a little not so great, I'm ending on a high note. Just by simply typing reasons I've had to be thankful over the past couple of weeks, it's pepped me up from my sourpuss mood today!!!

*Photos via a new design blog I'm stalking Design Fabulous

Blogiversary

2010-03-27T23:12:00.000-04:00

Do you know what today is? It's my blogiversary...(sung in the tune of Tony!Toni!Tone!'s "Anniversary"). I'm pretty excited about this!!! I actually counted down the days this week until I could make this post!

Exactly a year ago today and around this exact time, I began the journey of blogging. It started out simply as a way to get me more focused on the continual act of writing. For someone who had dreamed for years of being a writer, I wasn't getting much writing done. It's been an interesting experience to say the least.

While I value simply being able to have an outlet for my thoughts, I also write to share those thoughts with others. I've long felt I could communicate better through my writing than with verbalizing my interests, concerns, annoyances, etc.

I'm thankful for the people who have continued to follow me throughout the year, the comments left by readers, and even the admonishments when I wasn't updating often enough (F. Beans, Favorite Person, Chi-Town Stepper, and Bronx Bomber are counted as my most vocal admonishers).

Although it started out as simply a creative outlet, it has grown into something more. Since the inception of this blog, I have fully realized my purpose in life and how to better use my gifts, talents, abilities, and resources in bringing that purpose to reality. As those who know me personally can attest, I am now a life coach!! And this blog now serves as a means for me to allow visitors and potential clients to see my personal spiritual process, struggles, and achievements, as well as the things and people I care about most.

It's not easy to put yourself out there and be completely transparent (even a seemingly simple entry is revealing something personal about me) because you never know how people will receive you. I don't know from one entry to the next if someone thought it was complete crap or if they sincerely enjoyed it. I believe this blog to be the most vulnerable form of expression I've exhibited in my life thus far. I'm extremely transparent and vulnerable with the people closest to me but this is different.

Different because as long as I can remember, I've felt misunderstood by most, accepted by a small few, and my biggest desire was to validate that I had been endowed with some form of talent. This blog forces me to come to terms with all of that. In fact, I get emotional writing about it now.

On a lighter note, I enjoy and feel fortunate to have someplace to release steam, share laughs, shake my head at the world, and wait expectantly for what's ahead. Over the next year, there will be more changes to the layout and content. I hope you'll continue to join me on this journey.

This has been stuck in my head all afternoon. There's actually a rather humorous story about this song and why I'm only now able as an adult to listen to it since I was semi-scarred by it in high school SMH! LOL!

Spring Fling

2010-03-24T13:17:00.001-04:00

This past weekend NYC got its first taste of spring and I couldn't have been more excited!!!! In addition to being happy that there was a break in cold weather (it was short-lived as I'm freezing today), it was a totally indulgent weekend for me. Indulgent because instead of doing something productive before playtime, I opted to play all weekend!

Friday night:
In search of sheets at Century 21, I came up empty handed. That was in the home department...In ladies' shoes on the other hand, I scored these babies which I gladly broke out on Saturday...

Me waiting to get my brows done at Bloomies Sat. afternoon

Saturday:
I had every intention of going to the laundromat and possibly prepping the bedroom for painting, but never happened. I ended up meeting with The Stormy One and heading down to the Meatpacking District where we had a blast.

First, we went over to the Hotel Gansevoort for afternoon cocktails and snacks where we were met by a couple of The Stormy One's friends.

We even ran into a beautiful bride and groom and a random bouquet of airborne balloons.

Then it was off to check out some contemporary/pop art at French artist Mr. Brainwash's "Icons" exhibit. The work is Warhol-inspired and completely crazy!!!! I sooo enjoyed walking through the gallery space.

Healthcare Hero!

After my eyes had been visually stimulated, it was time to tempt my tummy with some grub from The Standard Grill, a restaurant of the Standard Hotel. I ordered the Organic Berkshire Pork Chop with Crispy Brussels Sprouts, Shallots, and Bacon (yummy tummy oh yeah). The Stormy One had the Creekstone Farm New York Strip with Crispy Potatoes with Smoked Paprika Aioli (she seemed to be pleased te he he).

With our hungry satiated, we headed uptown to meet up with Miss Scorsese at Cafe Lalo for dessert. We laughed while The Stormy caused trouble for the clearly flustered waitress.

Per usual, Cafe Lalo had a packed house

Sunday:
After church, Chi-Town Stepper and I made the now traditional Sunday stop at Tonnie's in Harlem for cupcakes. But this time, not for myself (Ok I bought and ate 2 before making it down the block). The main purpose of my stop was to pick up a couple of cupcakes for a friend's bday.

The 3 of us headed to the Upper Westside to check out "Our Family Wedding" (trust me, you can wait until the dvd comes out) and then grabbed burgers (turkey w/ mushrooms for me, beef for them) at a spot on Columbus Ave.

And that my friends, was my weekend void of anything remotely responsible in terms of productivity. But I welcomed in spring with open arms!!!!!

Family Design

2010-03-18T17:39:00.000-04:00

I'm so excited, almost excited enough to call up Time Warner and get cable again!! HGTV has a new show, Home Rules, that combines two of my all-time favorite things: life coaching and interior design!!!!!

Back when I had cable (it's been a year now since I last had a cable box), I sat motionless after church on Sundays for countless unproductive hours just drooling over homes on HGTV (shameful I know), meticulously taking mental notes for my own redesign projects. I would love to meet Candice Olson of Divine Design and possibly have a room decorated by her:-) Home Rules is hosted by former WNBA star Fran Harris.

Fran works to put the function back in the show's dysfunctional families' lives. Simultaneously while redesigning their entire house, she also works with the families about hidden, or not so hidden, reasons for the clutter and imbalance in their homes. I love it!!!

Fran was an elite athlete for over 20 years and has been coaching for over 15 years. She has dubbed herself America's No Excuses Coach because she doesn't tolerate excuses in her life or her clients' lives. She says complacency is the biggest issue she sees. People are just following the status quo. The spaces aren't the most imaginative I've seen, but I just love the concept of someone really trying to tackle the issues within the families on a deeper level as they get a fresh outlook on their homes as well. Yes, if Hulu doesn't air episodes of this series, I'll have to seriously consider making that call to Time Warner.

Below are some before and after pics from a family home she redesigned. Designing hearts and homes, what could be better? Homes Rules premieres March 15 at 9/8c on HGTV. Check your local listings for the channel.

Family Room Before

Family Room After

Little Girls' Room Before

Little Girls' Room After

Wednesday's Woman: Dana S. Santiago

2010-03-17T10:11:00.002-04:00

Today's Wednesday's Woman is Dana S. Santiago. Dana is an event planning professional who has coordinated and helped execute events for Haper's Bazaar magazine, The Artist's Empowerment Coalition, and The Source Magazine to name a few. She has assisted athletes, music artists, publishing execs, fashion houses, brides, and others bring their event visions to life. She ensures that her events move beyond simply being parties, rather they are unforgettable experiences. Dana is also a budding entrepreneur as she and a business partner have started their own event services firm.

I chatted with her about what it's like to manage it all. Let's ruminate...

You are currently the Director of Events at The Source Magazine. As a part of your duties, you have your hands in a number of high profile urban entertainment events. Can you tell us what goes into planning such events?
Well first you have to conceptualize the event theme, purpose, budget, and wow factor. Once you have solidified those main variables you then build out your budget, participants (celebs, what will lure in target demo), marketing and branding initiatives for all parties involved, lock in all item lines in your budget (ex: venue, production, entertainment, etc.) and execution of the actual event.

You, along with your business partner Charlene D. Armstrong, co-own Pencil Me In, an event management and design firm. How do the events for PMI differ from the work you do at The Source?
PMI is multi-faceted with respect to the type of events or clientele we plan. It ranges from entertainment, private individuals, corporate, non-for-profit, and consumer/products driven events. The Source is general and celebrity market with entertainment as the base. With PMI and their private clients, it's all about the wow factor (event design speaking). For the entertainment industry, the largest wow factor is the celebrity attendance/performance.

Attending as guests, we only usually see a well executed event free from hiccups. What's really going on behind the scenes?
Behind the scenes you have hiccups always, even the best of the best events. There are issues with tickets/vip allotments, performers or hosts arriving late, an issue with catering perhaps, or other flukes that magically appear at "showtime." The great thing about these hiccups is there is always a quick remedy so that the guests never knew they existed.

What's the stress level of the job and how do you handle it?
Personally, the stress is also my pleasure. It is an adrenaline rush for me to be stressed down to the wire when event planning. Even though I enjoy it, there is still a way to best handle these stressful scenarios. First and foremost, don't panic. Second, assess the scenario and all variables with a clear head so you can professionally and calmly find a way to fix the snafu. Thirdly, have a smile on your face and exude nothing but pleasant body language and tone to your staff, guests and client. Always let it be your own little secret.

What can you tell someone who is interested in entering the field of event management?
I would first say try event management in your own personal life: a friend's engagement party or baby shower. Get a feel for it. Determine why you like it and what segments specifically. This can then better guide them once they enter the field as to which direction to seek mentors and experience. If their situation allows for them to intern, they should get their feet wet in the various sectors of event management whether it's with an event design firm, pr company, working with a venue, or a catering company.

What fulfills you about this job?
I'm a project seeker. I love to work on anything that has a tangible beginning and end. From conception until execution when all is said and done and it is no longer an idea, but in plain sight taking place is what excites me. That and a happy client is very fulfilling.

Lastly, what would you advise readers do to incorporate high style and a little Hollywood glitz into their personal events?
Stay in the know. Do your research, magazine reading and net surfing. (You can read) Biz Bash's various city web sites. Fashion, TV, movies they all are forms of inspiration. Also, stay in the know of the latest and hottest new venues, entertainment concepts. This is always a plus. Be the first to bring your guest to a new experience. Something new is always glitz to an event. Be creative!

For more tips and treats from Dana, check out her lifestyle blog: Dana's Bubble

Photos: Wedding Design, Harper's Bazaar Anniversary Party, Cabaret-themed Party, All-Star Weekend Event

Oops She Did It Again...Or Did She?

2010-03-16T14:56:00.003-04:00

At the beginning of the Obama era I was as pleased as punch when I learned of all the whip smart, beautiful, and stylish women joining his team. For a person who isn't easily star struck, I am a bit googley over Ms. Susan Rice. She totally rocks! But oh how I wish this were a chance for me to wax on about Ms. Rice. Nope. Naw dog. It ain't so. I shake my head, purse my lips and throw a mean side eye toward the mess that is the Desiree Rogers scandal. She has indeed become history's most famous Social Secretary and that turns out, isn't a good thing!

Continue ruminating...

While I do believe Ms. Rogers to be a woman of great excellence and totally capable of handling the job (in her sleep even), she is guilty of losing proper perspective for the past year. I think I tired of her last May when she did the WSJ article in which she referred to our president as a "brand". At first it was interesting to learn more about of all these Ivy League educated, well accomplished women. And seeing Ms. Rogers front and center, along with her good friend Valerie Jarrett, was icing on the cake. I especially liked the fact that she was a native Louisianan. Owa Owa!

But, my infatuation wasn't meant to last long. It seemed she garnered as much press for herself as the oh so fly First Lady. It was time for someone to tell her to sit down! Did she not take the hint when Ms. Jarrett stopped doing interviews about her personal life and focused her comments and interviews on the administration and its platform?

Anyway, I've debated this issue several times over the past few weeks since Ms. Rogers announced (or it was leaked, not sure which) her resignation and the subsequent appointment of Julianna Smoot in her place. While I don't believe the debacle with the Salahi couple was ever entirely her fault or even half her fault, perception is reality. And there were the Vogue features, Fashion Week attendance, and designer clad images that did her in ultimately. Again, the WSJ article did nothing to help her. Did anyone not tell her that the media would build you up, love you and in some cases lick your left ear, but in the end, make one slip and they burn you faster than a Jheri Curl during a 4th of July celebration?

So, I truly had little sympathy for her plight. Besides, she is an uber connected woman who has already proven in previous positions that she is capable of success. However, today I have to come to her defense. This latest notion that she is somehow responsible for the DNC's lagging fundraising status because she didn't send out Christmas cards to some highrollers is absurd!

I doubt if I were a person who could make a 6 figure donation to the party, I'd withhold it because I didn't get a Christmas card. If these donations are being held mostly because of Ms. Rogers' oversight of holiday greeting, do we really want people that petty with close ties to our president and possibly providing input on policies? I think it's time to say enough is enough. Let's let this woman gracefully exit her position and return to a life of privacy and dignity. I'm done!

Welcome Back

2010-03-16T13:59:00.000-04:00

Last week, Mr. Fix It emailed me this clip upon my return from vacation and I thought it apropos to the blog as my absence has been noted by several and I've also missed you guys! So, welcome back to us all:-)

Technical Difficulties

2010-02-24T21:21:00.000-05:00

Hi Folks!!!

While I'm pleased to report that I'm traveling the southern region of our fine country visiting an assortment of family members, it saddens me to say that due technology difficulties and time constraints, posting will be halted until next Wednesday. I hope you all have found ways large and small to live abundantly and authentically!!!

Talking To Boys

2010-02-20T14:54:00.000-05:00

This afternoon, I called my 3 nephews who are 11 and 13 (there's a set of twins in the mix) to remind them that I'd be in Atlanta next weekend to visit them. We always have interesting exchanges. Here is but a taste:

Upon learning that I'm still wearing an afro, the 13 yr old says, "An afro? Hmm...You still doing that?" I tell him yes and tell him I'm sure he sees women in ATL with naturals. His response, "No, not really. Can't you straighten it anymore?....I like to see women with straight hair because it's pretty." I tell him this isn't the only form of pretty and that he shouldn't buy into the stereotype of beauty. "Aw man. I'm not stereotyping. I'm just saying straight hair looks better. I like women with straight hair is all I'm saying."
One of the 11 yr old twins asks, "What was the last video game you played Auntie?" When I tell him it was a Sega Genesis, he says, "A Sega? A what? Isn't that like from the 80's?" Actually young man, it is very much so a game from the 90's. "Well, what sort of game did you play on it?" I tell him Sonic the Hedgehog. "Sonic, yeah I remember him back in the days. There are new games now." Thanks mister, I wasn't aware. Insert side eye here!
Same 11 y.o. "Auntie, I've started a journal and I'm going to have it published one day!" I congratulate him and he begins to read some of his entries to me. He had an entry in which he mentions Rihanna and I ask if he likes her. "Not really. I think she's pretty, but she can't sing worth a lick. But I sure like looking at her. She has a nice body." Yeeeeppppp...
Same 11 y.o. once again (the other twin doesn't offer as much good material as this one and his older brother) sheds light on things for me. "You don't have cable? Then what do you do?" This is after learning that I haven't seen the music video for the Black Eye Peas' song he is referencing because I don't have cable nor do I really listen to the radio much. "Read? What you reading like that? Have you ever even heard of the BEPs Auntie? (Yes I have) Well, I need you to get some cable!"

Kids, gotta love 'em!!

Beans and Biscuits

2010-02-19T13:15:00.003-05:00

For the past 2 years, I've been on a rather intense journey to get myself in alignment with what I consider to be God's plan for me. Deeming this period of life one that requires immense concentration, I've sometimes left myself blind to the things going on with people I'm not intimately close with. Two such people would be Beans and Biscuits*.

Continue ruminating...

Beans is a person who as soon as you meet her, she's giving you reason to laugh and smile. She is someone who inspires immediate familiarity because she either reminds you of yourself and your best friend at that age, your little sister, or a cool little cousin. She can get away with saying some of the most outlandish things because you sense they come from a place of authenticity. She and I don't get to spend a lot of time together, but when we do I'm always glad we did.

In January after a couple of months of spotty church attendance, Beans told me she had been thinking of and praying for me. She has absolutely no clue the various balls I'm juggling in my life, but she didn't need the details. She just knew whatever the reason for my absence, most certainly a prayer would be helpful and God would know the exact measure of whatever was needed. It gave me great comfort to know people were praying for me outside of my knowledge. Sometimes, just knowing that you are being thought of can go a long way in helping you stay encouraged. It also made me more sensitive to praying for others who aren't in my immediate circle. I regularly pray for those close to me, but I sometimes forget to pray for those I know on the periphery until they express a certain need. I've been incredibly grateful and touched by her concern. Thanks Beans!!!

Then we have Biscuits. It's hard for me to say what I think or feel about Biscuits. I've fluctuated between thinking that trying to build a close friendship with her is a lost cause (she's a bit stubborn and headstrong) and truly delighting in her company (she's funny, sincere, smart and pretty easy going). Within myself I cannot make sense of it. Ever had an associate you thought could make a cool friend if only thus or so about their personality would change? Yep, that's exactly where I was/am (still don't know) about this situation.

But this morning, even in the midst of my uncertainty about our friendship, I realized my approach had been all wrong. There are times when I think that due to the personality conflicts between the two of us, I just don't need to bother because I have more important things on my plate to deal with. Anything that could possibly aid in my loss of focus cannot be tolerated. And that's basically how I was approaching the situation. But how selfish of me?!

Selfishly, I was concerned about my own needs and never really thought to examine that maybe she didn't have time for the silly "Are we buddies this week" tug of war we are/were in. Selfishly, I thought "why can't she just change this or that?" I knew the back and forth nor my method for handling it wasn't productive. I tried to make amends and come to a resolution, but one never seemed to work. So, I was completely ready to walk away. But I was struck with an extreme burden and concern for what was going on in her life. I'd prayed for her and her family before, but this was now different. And while we weren't in regular transparent communication, my heart was still interceding on hers and her family's behalf. My own frustration with trying to understand and make sense of what was happening in her life was growing by the day and I had no outlet for it but prayer.

However, I felt my prayers weren't enough. I wanted to be there in some tangible way for her and at the same time have distance because of our clashes. The two can't co-exist. But here's what I now know: Prayer is powerful weapon of our warfare and my prayers are indeed enough; if it's meant for me to be there in a more tangible way, God will orchestrate it; I trust that her character is good and that just as I'm a work in progress, so is she; walking in love is what I'm instructed to do and I therefore have no choice in the matter if I want to remain obedient; and the gifts of the Holy Spirit work best when unity and love are present. So I stand lovingly unified with her in the belief and hope that there will be a victorious resolution to her situation.

I still don't know where I stand (or she stands for that matter) with our friendship growing closer. Each time I think I have it figured out, the Holy Spirit shows me that I don't. I've honestly never had such a perplexing friendship. But another thing I'm certain of is I can no longer consider myself the only person who doesn't "have time for folks' foolishness" because maybe, just maybe, they don't have time for mine either.

Yeeeppppp!!!

So I thank these two young women for increasing my knowledge about walking in love. Nobody said it was going to be easy, and I don't profess to have it perfectly figured out. As the Highstepper says, "It comes down to these moment by moment decisions we make to walk in love daily." Or I think that's how she words it. This is yet another moment for me to rise to the challenge of walking this thing out.

Wednesday's Woman: Russatta Buford

2010-02-17T09:59:00.001-05:00

In the previous post, I thanked Mr. Tyler Perry for his commitment to advance worthy causes. I'm proud to say that for the inaugural posting of Wednesday's Woman I can feature my friend Russatta Buford. I met this petite powerhouse 2 years ago and I've been impressed and influenced by her dedication to serve ever since. She is resolute in her desire to make her community better by her presence and her sincerity of service is commendable. Russatta's philanthropic work was highlighted last month in O, The Oprah Magazine in a Covergirl feature.

I asked Russatta to ruminate on what that experience and service meant to her. Here's what she had to say...

You were featured in Oprah Magazine as a part of Covergirl's Giving Beautiful Back feature. What compelled you to do it?

I wish I could say I wanted to bring attention to the nonprofit with which I volunteer. Honestly, I was awake in the wee hours of the morning and entered into several sweepstakes and contests. It's really that simple. There wasn't anything else to do. However, when I came across this entry form, I was pleased to have a forum in which I might be able to bring attention to the great work that the Brooklyn Bureau of Community Service does.

Could you tell us more about your volunteer work?

Sure! Since I'm involved with nonprofits beyond BBCS, I should first mention that I'm a volunteerism junkie. I am a pro bono volunteer with the Taproot Foundation. With Taproot, I've set the marketing strategy for Mount Hope Housing Company's first annual report and led a team in doing the same for The Dance Theatre of Harlem. My history with BBCS is varied and spans over four years, but I currently sit on its Board of Directors which is a huge responsibility. I'm on the Strategic Task Force which is helping to determine how BBCS will manage in this economic downturn where funding has decreased and much-needed programs are threatened by many forces. I also co-chair the Community Relations Committee that manages marketing and communications (e.g., website, rebranding), legislative outreach (from "lobbying" to securing grants from elected officials) and community outreach (e.g., public forums, special events).

Why should more people get involved with community service?

We all have a responsibility to share our gifts and talents with others. In my opinion, volunteering is an unselfish way of expressing love. Muhammad Ali once said, " Service to others is the rent you pay for room here on Earth." Besides, it feels great to know that you have positively impacted someone else's life.

What would you say to people who think they don't have enough to offer or feel their schedules are already too packed to volunteer?

Well, my response above assumes that we all have gifts and talents. If you feel you don't have anything to offer, just think about the areas in your life where you receive compliments. Your style? Become a personal shopper for Dress for Success. Knitting? (not yet, Tracey!)** Make a scarf for an elderly person who needs to stay warm in the winter. Talking? Visit an nursing home and chat away.
If you don't have the time, think again. For many opportunities, you don't have to leave the couch. If you are good at administrative tasks, volunteer with Adopt A Cat, Inc. and set schedules for transportation, events and such. However, you certainly have something to offer with whatever free time you find. Try it out at VolunteerMatch.

While we get a glimpse of your idea of beauty in terms of public service, what else makes a woman beautiful to you?
I love women who are passionate about something worthwhile. Subjective, I know! My concept of beauty is strongly linked to someone's willingness to get out of her own head and operate from a place of love, sincerity, and kindness.

Who has mainly influenced your ideas on beauty and giving back?
My Mom totally. I won't say that she was the most beautiful person in the world because that would be cliche. Right? I will just say that her heart gave out on her because she gave it all to others. From adopting a family-in-need at Christmas to delivering food to the elderly, my Mom embodied generosity and set such a great example for me as I make my way in this world. When it comes to beauty, I'd have to say my Mom again. She always appreciated healthy-looking, well-balanced, bright-spirited people. She always made me feel comfortable in my own skin and encouraged me to love myself which I aim to do everyday.

Thanks Russatta for sharing your beauty through service!!!! Check out the cool video of Russatta and the other women recognized by Oprah and Covergirl here.

Wednesday's Woman is a new feature in which I intend to highlight women who are living out areas of their lives abundantly. We are all multi-dimensional beings with lots to offer and achieve. This is the space wherein I recognize those efforts and hope to encourage others to find ways to live abundantly!!!

**Editor's Note: I do intend to knit a good portion of my Christmas gifts this year. I know the protests of my friends and family are just their ways of saying, "We truly appreciate and encourage your creativity!"

Dear Mr. Tyler Perry,

2010-02-17T09:23:00.001-05:00

It is widely known that I have not been a fan of your creative endeavors. While I respect and applaud your business savvy, as well as your dogged determination, I had very little, extremely low regard for your talent. I believe that as a Black person with influence in the media, you cannot waste it on projects that aren't of substance and quality. I felt in examining the craft from a technical standpoint, you needed to step it up a bit. But who am I?

Taste and quality are highly subjective. These things are learned. Taught to us over time by gatekeepers who want us to buy into what they believe a good story to be. But you, you Mr. Perry, you eschew the machine and do things your way. And I'm finally thankful you did.

Continue ruminating...

Monday night I watched Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and saw the stories of the Tripp Family and Mr. Tom Lewis. I began to cry within the first 10 minutes. Looking at these people walk out love and what "Christ In Culture" should look like was awe inspiring.

Then to see that you have chosen (love is a deliberate choice) to support these people and their efforts from your own pockets, helped me appreciate you more. This wasn't the first time I'd learned of your charitable giving. Your donation of a million dollars to Haiti, the Disney vacation to the Philadelphia children last summer who were rejected from the swimming pool, your donations to Hurricane Katrina victims, and others cases. This show was somehow different.

It was different because looking at the excitement on the faces of people young and old when they met you and how truly joyful they were to do so, and not because they were thinking of what you were going to do for them but for simply who you are, I realized that you have been blessed to do what you do. God is continuing to pour into you because He knows you will most certainly continue to pour into others. Those movies, tv shows, and plays are what give you the means to help worthwhile causes and people. And besides, clearly you have an audience who is entertained and enlightened by what you do.

When you asked, "How much more can a person do?" I felt personally convicted. I can and will do more. I've wanted to be a philanthropist since high school. However, I always thought I had to go out into the world and earn a bucket of money before I could be of any value. Of course I know better (have for years now), but I hadn't translated it into any meaningful service. Looking at how these people in the DC/MD area were transforming their communities with meager means left me awestruck. And your leading to help them further their work was inspiring. Thank you Mr. Perry. My sincerest apologies for judging you, your talent, or your intentions. "Judge not, that ye be not judged" is truly advice to remember.

Each day I will strive to ask and answer yes to...

Image courtesy of Persimmon and Pink

Weekend Excursion: 7 Train Pt. 1

2010-02-13T11:22:00.001-05:00

Yeah yeah, I know it's Valentine's weekend and most folks are posting about romantic plans and cute gifts, but that's not what I'm blogging about this weekend. As I am one of millions of single women without a beau to celebrate the weekend with, it doesn't mean that my weekends have to be sad and bland. While it would be nice to have a fella of interest in my life right now, I refuse to allow myself to sit and collect dust until he comes. Instead, I'll enjoy the company of good girlfriends and spend time doing things that I enjoy. It all makes me a more interesting catch anyway.

One of my goals for 2010 is to explore more of the local area. Many Manhattanites tend to resist the thought that there is life outside of this tiny island. And as such, rarely venture out of it to explore the other boroughs, unless accidentally or coerced. The New York metropolitan area actually has lots to offer with many diverse and culturally rich neighborhoods and towns. Last month, the Tiny Tyrant and I decided to explore Queens by way of the 7 train.

Check out the slideshow to learn more about our travels.

If you can't see the captions, click on the quotations symbol on the bottom of the slideshow. Or, you can doubleclick the slide show to just go straight to the album and view it that way.

Up In The Air

2010-02-11T17:22:00.002-05:00

Last Friday, The Chi-Town Stepper and I caught a showing of George Clooney's Oscar nominated movie "Up In The Air." I hadn't expected any part of the movie to resonate with my own life. Clooney plays a professional downsizer. In other words, he flies across the country firing people for a living. He is also a motivational speaker. Although, his particular brand of motivation advises people not to get too close to things and other people. He is estranged from his family and hasn't had any meaningful romantic relationships. He lives a lonely and isolated life.

In a rare moment of being in his Omaha apartment, we see that he has never taken the time to put any personal touches to the place. The apartment is drab, cold, void of personality, and thereby, detached and void of life. It is clear that he doesn't like spending time there. It does not appear to be the home of anyone enjoying their life. This was the part that resonated with me. Sad but true:-(

Continue ruminating...
Since leaving Louisiana nearly 9 years ago (Goodness, I've been gone nearly a decade. This literally just hit me THIS moment.) I have lived in 2 cities and 5 apartments. None of the homes being where I thought I would settle and stay for any longer than a couple of years at max. My life was transient and I needed to be able to pick up and go. I was always waiting on the "next place" to go to so I never invested in where I was. I was also extremely unhappy and not fully enjoying life. I was dark and my living spaces were as well.

My apartments never showcased my personality, interests, tastes, etc. They were spaces that any random person could walk into and careless about who lived there. And for many years, that was fine for me. Because in order to invest in any of my living spaces, I would have had to acknowledge that I was there. But to acknowledge that I was there, meant also acknowledging that I wasn't where I wanted to be.

I came to some interesting revelations recently: 1) I now realize I am where I am. And as such, I need to be appreciative of where ever that is; 2) In working on some values exercises, I realized that beauty is something I want to be surrounded by. I need to see pretty things on a near constant basis. This life, this world, has a lot of ugly people (in soul not looks) and ugly acts committed by said ugly people (again, I mean their souls) so embracing beauty helps balance it all; and 3) I understand and accept who I authentically am and it is incredibly important to me to have a life that reflects my authentic self.

I received an "instruction" to make my apartment more of a home. A place that I wouldn't mind inviting folks over for a meal or game night. And more importantly, a place that showcased the unique personality and life God has given me. I had been hesitant to invite anyone over because my apartment had not been a home. It had not showcased any of that. In fact, an invite from me was a clear sign of my level of trust or care for the relationship. And even then, I still felt as though most didn't know me well enough to accurately gauge who the authentic me was from my living arrangements.

Since deciding to take the decorating thing more serious (on a bottom line recessionista budget of course), I've been stalking various design blogs and shelter magazine sites. I've always loved interior design, but never indulged in it. But in 2010, I will design a life that in all facets, precisely reflects if not all of me, large pieces.

I'm happy with where I am, relationally speaking, in my life. And I'm uber excited about where I'm headed. Here are some pics of a few things that are inspiring apartment redesign:

I'd Like To Call It Beauty

2010-02-10T12:35:00.000-05:00

Despite Bowler Boy's reluctance to bring me back an official British copy of Corinne Bailey Rae's cd, I got it anyway from iTunes this past weekend and I'm eternally grateful that I did. I completely confess to having a perfectly healthy girl crush on Ms. Rae.

You see, in my head she lives the life in reality that I, in my head, live. I imagine that she has a great collection of eccentric and fabulous vintage clothing with some modern designs from a plethora of indie and major labels thrown into the mix. She wastes away afternoons in patisseries, museums, and galleries with a great group of culturally diverse friends and she attends private screenings of smart artistically crafted films. But most importantly, she lives authentically and loves completely. It's a wholly romantic life don't you think? And that brings us to her latest offering, "The Sea." Her first album since the untimely death of her husband, Jason Rae in 2008.

"The Sea" is Ms. Rae's second release and there are no signs of the sophomore slump. For me, it's an album of contrasts. It's moody and consistent. It's mournful and celebratory. It's sad and hopeful. It's all the emotions and thoughts one would suspect would rush through your heart and mind if you had lost the person you felt was your soul mate to the silliness of an accidental overdose. It's soul, blues, rock, folk, and R&B. Even in it's grief, I find a mature sensuality definitely not present in her first album.

Rolling Stone magazine commented that on the track "The Blackest Lily" that she is "confronting death with the greatest weapon: life, fully lived." The New York Times says, "The album is a major creative leap from her debut. Ms. Rae's voice is deeper, capable of carrying the weight of this sad album. The music is richer."

I wanted to be able to list my favorite tracks, but like a proud mother, I can't pick out any. It's as though I've created them myself because I cannot succeed in breaking them apart and rewarding one over the other. It's a complete body of work that I'm pleased with. Sure, there are some that I like more than others, but I hesitate to point them out for fear that listeners wouldn't give the whole work it's due credit.

The album has pre and post-death songs on it. "I'd Do It All Again" was written pre-death after an argument with her late husband. Just as the title suggests, she'd do it all again. Enjoy....

Her record label prevents the embedding of the actual music video, but I find this live version just as enjoyable.

Tough Rumination

2010-02-03T23:32:00.001-05:00

See, I can't stop finding things to be inspired by. But I'm sure if Mr. Foutain Hughes had the opportunities I have before me, he'd make everyday as productive and meaningful as possible. I shall sleep now wondering what Mr. Hughes would do today with the privileges we are now afforded and what would I really do with all this inspiration if those same privileges were no longer available to me.

Inspiration: Stalker or Addiction

2010-02-03T22:10:00.002-05:00

I have a problem. My problem at the moment is rather unique and confusing...

I am, as I have been for the past month or so, completely inspired. I can't blink my eyes without opening them to some new form of inspiration. As a person who fancies themselves a creative, this is the perfect place to be in. But of course I go against the tide and therefore massive inspiration has turned out to be a thorn in my side. Being inspired is a wretched place for me because I haven't been able to do anything with it. Sure, I could jot things down in one of my many journals bought for the expressed purpose of doing so or my lovely iPhone app bought for the same, but I can't. Or rather I won't. I'm not sure why.

People I've never met in situations I've never been in beg of me to write their life stories to gain confirmation from the world that they exist. They seek solutions from me that give them a process to a more peaceful existence. And yet each time I am introduced to them, I am forced to turn them away. Thus, another day goes by without them having closure, healing, peace, joy, or the overall abundance that they need and deserve. There is also beauty seeking to be created by me that I cannot be bothered with finding the time to do so. Or the organization for execution.

The inspiration at this point is stalking me and I don't like it. Having had a stalker for a very brief moment in college (long story, another post) I know what being stalked feels like. Literally everywhere I turn there is something there begging me to provide commentary or creation. If I watch the news, read a blog, read a magazine, walk down the street or in the grocery store (I took photos of colorful produce in Whole Foods last week), sit on the train, have a conversation, hell even reading gouge-your-eyes-out-it's-so-boring legal deposition transcripts provide sources of inspiration.

Or is it not stalking me at all, but rather I've become addicted to it? I can't sleep without having a hit of inspiration. I literally stay up much longer than is necessary or what can be tolerated to look at "one more movie/tv show/blog/magazine/book." That's what I literally tell myself at night. I wake up and, deeming the computer that is truly only 2 feet from the bed too far, I reach for my phone and let the powers of 3G welcome me to a new day. I sit at work wondering where the new shot of inspiration will come from.

I must beat this demon. Inspiration is supposed to be a good thing. Too many people are depressed over living an uninspired life. Despite the challenges I face in this current season, I have what many don't: inspiration which gives me reason to press on, a basis for creativity. Some would simply call it hope. Some may call it the blueprint for a vision. No matter what, I must translate it into productivity and not the vessel for idleness it has become.

"Can of Inspiration" by Department of Doing

The Gratitude Exchange

2010-01-19T09:51:00.001-05:00

This past Saturday, The Ladies got together for a gratitude exchange. This was our postdated Christmas gift exchange. Why so late? Because most of us aren't from NYC so, we weren't all in town on Christmas Day. What's a gratitude exchange and why do it? Glad you asked. A gratitude exchange is when instead of store bought gifts, you give something homemade from the heart that symbolizes your appreciation of that person.

The gifts were thoughtful and very creative. The exchange included free make-up sessions, coupons for an excuse-free workout, a progress report on personal evolution, poetry, a music video, proclamations of promises, complimentary chef services, and a cookbook of favorite foods.

Before the exchange, the Bronx Bomber requested that we take communion first. Now for some of you, this concept of communion at home maybe unfamiliar, but in Biblical times, folks didn't have churches as they do today (and the very 1st communion held certainly wasn't in a church) to partake in this act of gratitude and acceptance of grace. Besides, where ever two or three are gathered...

Going the extra mile, or simply walking in excellence depending on your POV, BB lovingly made unleavened bread at home as representation of Christ's body and brought the good Welch's grape juice for the blood.

To sum up the evening in one thought I'd say: Gratitude is love manifested.

Baaaad Bush - A History Lesson In WholeFoods

2010-01-12T22:50:00.002-05:00

The gentleman pictured above we shall call "Mr. R." Mr. R is a cashier at Whole Foods that I met tonight. And the exchange went something like this:

Mr. R: It that your real hair?

Me: Yep!

Mr. R: Well that's a baaaad bush you got there!

Me: Thanks. (Insert the TTLP because I don't know where this is going and he looks like he is gearing up for something.)

Mr. R: See I tell young people nowadays that they don't know what to do with their hair. And that's really your hair?

Me: Yes, it is.

Mr. R: You must work in the hair industry or something. You sell hair grease?

Me: Noooope. (The TTLP intensifies and adds to it a side eye.)

Mr. R: Well that's good. So that's your natural texture? You ain't got no texturizer or nothing in there?

Me: No sir. (Watching the monitor closely to ensure he's ringing me up correctly because he is clearly not paying attention.)

Mr. R: See back in the day, like back in the '60s, when a man talked about a woman or a pretty girl, we was talking about her hair. You walked away saying man she had a baaaaaad bush! We mentioned her body but we always mentioned her hair. See we didn't call it no afro. That wasn't what it was originally called. It was called a bush! And see then after the women started wearing them, the men did too. And see that's how the plaiting came about. Cause if you couldn't grow a big fro like what you got, we'd have to braid our hair up so in the morning we could let it out like that.

Me: Really? You don't say. (My mom told me this 3 months ago while giving my fro the side eye.)

Mr. R: Yes indeed! And shoot it was a competition. Cause you know men always want to compete. Now we wasn't competing with the women. We was competing with one another. Yep, sure was.

(I begin to look around because the lines are long and folks are going to start wondering why I'm standing here so long and I'm also trying to keep a steady eye on my receipt.)

Mr. R: And see like our girls oh they might get their hair pressed on Friday or Saturday night and wear it like that to church or out or something. (He's growing animated so I pull out my phone and try to discreetly take his photo without him knowing. Thank goodness the iPhone doesn't flash or make a snap sound like the Blackberry did.)

Mr. R: See the name afro came out cause there used to be the Teeny Weeny Afro. You know, a TWA. We would tease one another and say 'Man you got a TWA.' Cause that was for folks who couldn't grow theirs out. Then we shortened it to just 'fro!

(Thankful he hasn't noticed my oh so privacy invading shots. But I did it to provide my readers with proof!)

Me: Well this is all so interesting. ( I think I believe what I just said.)

Mr. R: Well some women in Philly came out with the name bush cause there was an actual bush in Africa in that shape. (I don't know if I believe that. But I'll see if Wikipedia has a page on it.)

Me: Ffro's were real popular up here huh? (OMG now I'm asking questions to encourage this? I'm tired and want to go home. I have unfinished business there. More on that part later.)

Mr. R: Well I don't know bout up here cause I'm from down south. (The southerner in me compels me to ask anyone who mentions southern roots, what part of the south they're from.)

Me: Where are you from originally?

Mr. R: I'm from Florida. Your total is....(Whew, this is over, but I'm kind of interested in more. What's wrong with me?)

Me: Well it was nice chatting with you. (Looks around to make sure no one is throwing me the evil side eye, pushing my buggy on, and walks out feeling like I had a genuine exchange for the evening. It feels good!!)

Let There Be Light

2010-01-04T14:08:00.001-05:00

Happy first Monday of 2010!! It's a new year, a new month, a new week, a new day, and a new chance at being excellent. In other words, a whole lot of newness!! I'm pleased to report that 2010 has gotten off to a great start thus far. The past 24 hours have proven to be especially kind. Life is lighter and brighter. Here's why:

Continue ruminating...

On New Year's Eve, I bought the book Getting Things Done (GTD) by David Allen in hopes that it would motivate me to greater levels of productivity. The Songbird had been encouraging me to purchase it for at least a month or more and I kept refusing. Well, on NYE I had a gift card for Borders and decided to give it a shot due to the low investment required on my part. I'm glad I did! One of the first things the book suggests you do is to get all of your "to-do" items out of your head and into some sort of system. I'm a person who keeps a lot of things in my head and written in random notebooks and Post It notes. I didn't have everything written in one place. I'm also a person with a ton of tasks on my to-do list and had been feeling a bit overwhelmed about all of them. And I won't even begin to go into my need for better time management. Well, David's suggestion to simply list all of your "to-do's" and what the next tangible step toward completion would be has taken a sub-conscious load off my mind. He also shifted my perspective: instead of managing time, I manage my actions!!! Time management had me feeling a bit less than stellar, but thinking of myself as an action manager almost gives me a new shot at greatness. I may have been a poor time manager, but I will be an excellent action manager! Needless to say, the timing of all of this has been divine. At church on NYE, my pastor delivered a message about being more productive in the new year to reach your goals. On Sunday, he gave GTD a shout out and suggested it to the congregation. I no longer feel stressed and overwhelmed by my list of 37 projects in the works. I'm way more optimistic about being able to get them all done.
Living in NYC most folks have very high ceilings, and I'm no exception. My ceilings are quite high. So, when the light went out in my bedroom ages ago, I never replaced it (only used a lamp). I was waiting for an opportunity to have the super come up and do it since he has a ladder. I tried once to change it by removing the light fixture and nearly broke it so; I thought it best to leave it alone. Due to my formerly procrastinating spirit and inability to get the fixture off myself, I had been without major light in the bedroom for more than a year. Sad I know. But, my living room light bulb went out this weekend and I had no choice but to contact the super. After a morning shuffle to locate him and convince him that my lighting need was a matter of urgency, he came up and replaced the lights. My living room and bedroom seemed like new places once I could actually see them again. Shout out to the new GE radiant bulbs!!!! My world literally got brighter this morning!
Lastly, a friend has started a blog to enlighten folks on her journey of seeking God's Will for her life. As most of us who started the "process" of being committed Christians know, it's a path with many ups, downs, twists, and turns. But it's also one that provides for moments of great revelation. She wants to share her insights and encourage as many as possible with her tales of living la vida salvado ("saved" - per Google translator)!!! Check her out at: The eNLYTEnedquest.blogspot.com. While each and every one of us have interesting stories to tell, as our lives are so unique and experiences so vast, we can all stand to learn a little bit from others. Why should I put in the work of personally going through an experience if I don't have to? There are many things that must be experienced firsthand, but if I can gain wisdom and enlightenment from yours, why not?

I hope this new year has found you well and given you a renewed focus on attaining and maintaining a fulfilling life. Over the next month or so I will be making some changes to the blog to more accurately reflect what's going on in my life and in my mind. I appreciate your readership and your feedback. Please leave a comment to let me know what you think (good or bad). I know y'all are out there because I'm tracking traffic (yep, I've turned all big brother on you), but please comment here on the blog instead of via email, IM messages, or Facebook (unless you have something super private to tell me). Unfortunately, blog commenting is still a follow the leader deal - more folks comment when they see that others have already started.

Thanks in advance. Happy New Year and Happy Dream Fulfillment to all of you!!!

What I Got For Christmas

2009-12-28T12:29:00.006-05:00

This Christmas I was set free. Free to pursue the things that really matter. Free to determine who will be in the inner and outer courts of my life. Free to imagine and manifest the type of life I was created to have. And most importantly, free to be the woman I was created to be. In truth, this process of liberation started quite some time ago.

Continue ruminating....

It began in small earnest strides in '07 when I determined in my heart that I would no longer think depression and anxiety had to be regular acquaintances. It was pushed a little further when, after two previous attempts to rock my hair in its beautiful natural glory collasped under the weight of self- consciousness, I said "screw that" to any little nagging inner voice of doubt or outer concerned voices of friends or family who had an opinion one way or the other. Liberty began to cartwell into my life when I began to not refer to myself as a paralegal/communications associate (that title was only what paid the bills, it wasn't who I was created to be) and acknowledged that I was a writer/life coach/advocate/server/all around creative.

Subconscious enslavement took a nosedive off a cliff when I discovered my life's purpose. But that still didn't mark the final blow. Victory wasn't victory just because I lived to see another day. Nope, victory was when I stood up, looked down upon what tried to destroy me, dusted off the residue, and eagerly faced the next challenge knowing that whatever it was, I'd survive it as well.

How do I know I'll survive? Easiest questioned I've been asked all year: I'll survive because I truly know me. I see myself as I've always been, but with fresh eyes and a new boldness to not stiffle myself nor twist and contort myself into the mold that someone else thinks is more fitting (usually because it makes them feel more comfortable and less threatened).

As this year draws to a close, I eagerly anticipate 2010 to be a year of continued growth. More self-discovery and awareness of the world around me. I'm entering this coming year stronger than I've ever been. As I invest in myself, I make myself more valuable to others. I can be me and being me is a great service to all of those I come in contact with because I'm not pretending to be something I'm not. I'm not hiding the best of me feeling like folks won't understand or accept me. I'm understood, accepted, and loved by THE ALMIGHTY and that's enough. Plus, because He loves me and has shown me how to properly love me, He brings people into my life who will do the same. Of course, they will be added to the already great group of people who have loved and supported me throughout the process. Christmas wasn't one day on a calendar for me. I've been given the gift of process and revelation which have made "more Christ" evident in my life and that happens daily!

Did It Skip Me

2009-12-21T12:17:00.000-05:00

On the phone with the Silver Fox last night I realized something that I so often realize when talking to him, he tries to operate in excellence. He doesn't call it that, but plain and simple: he does the best job he can possibly do with whatever task he is given. When I thought about it, my entire immediate family is that way. When I think of my mom planning family vacations, parties, events, cooking, raising us, etc. she does the very best she can with the resources available. My brother and sister also face the things they are charged with with an "I'm-Doing-My-Best" attitude. Even if the end result isn't always what they wanted, I believe they've done their best. I hadn't noticed this until my adult years. But now that I have, I'm a bit bothered that I hadn't always had that attitude. Did it skip me? I mean, I am the middle child. Could it be true that the middle child always ends up with some sort of shortcoming or personal hang-up not seen in the others? My mom, sister, and brother take to water like fish and I'm still trying to improve my stroke to graduate to the deeper ends of the pool (In years of pool diving I've never seen the Silver Fox get his feet wet. Never!). Could excellence have skipped me as apparently the natural ability to swim did?

This weekend I went back and read through the posts that I'd made last week. I was shocked and embarrassed to see so many mistakes I'd made grammatically, especially when I know that I know better. Not only do I know better, but I'm trying to live a life of excellence. I'm an excellent proofreader most of the time and yet I failed to catch very simple mistakes in those posts. I contemplated if I was being too hard on myself, but I concluded that I wasn't. There is no such thing as being reasonably too hard on myself if I'm trying to be an operator of excellence. Even if no one caught the mistakes, I know they are there. I wanted to go back and correct them, but I've decided to leave them as a reminder that I have to be more attentive, more meticulous. Besides, I'm a person with outsized goals for my life. That will require buy-in from others in order to manifest. How can I ask people to trust me when my product is less than best? It's something I'll continually work to improve.

Feed Your Passions

2009-12-18T14:01:00.016-05:00

This week I had the pleasure of visiting the Ana Tzarev Gallery on West 57th Street (between 5th and 6th Ave) to check out her Grace of Africa exhibit. The gallery itself was a two level beauty. Visitors to the gallery are greeted by two golden Buddha statues. A little less than halfway into the room, you encounter the grand gold, marble, and glass sprial staircase that takes you to the second floor which gives you a magnificent view onto 57th Street. The painting featured on the main wall seen in the above photo of a young girl in Africa is one of my favorites. But truthfully, there were so many things to focus my eyes on I could hardly keep still.

Above is a broad view of many of the paintings featured. The bold use of color and texture don't come across in these pictures, but take my word for it when I say you missed a great treat if you didn't get a chance to check it out. The exhibit leave tomorrow.

I was astonished to learn that Ms. Tzarev is a 72 year old Croatian woman living in Europe. Looking at the passion and compassion for her subjects left me with the assumption that Ms. Tzarev was a person of African descent and much younger. That'll learn me for making assumptions. The artist leads a disciplined life where she paints daily. I can't find the time to make daily blog posts, but this woman more than double my age finds the time to feed her passions.

Ms. Tzarev is an inspiring woman indeed. I have long been a novice art lover. One of my goals for the new year is to become more advanced in my knowledge of art (theater, dance, visual, musical, literary, etc.). I'll feed my passion for the things that add beauty and understanding to our lives. I implore you to do the same. To learn more about the Ana Tzarev Gallery, please visit her site http://www.anatzarev.com/Default.asp

The bookstore (so stylishly designed in its simplicity, I almost thought it was another exhibit) contains many affordable books and reprints. I will be back. It just might be one of the most beautiful places in New York City (I can't believe I've passed it for years and never knew it was there)! Oh, and how much cooler did she become when I learned she uses the gallery space to host events for various artistic and civic organizations to raise cultural and social awareness??!!!

Always Reminded

2009-12-16T13:37:00.003-05:00

So, Sunday morning I awoke convinced that I would put an end to this blog since I found it so hard to keep up with (I get tired of apologizing for my slothful posting habits). Then, I ran into someone who inspired me to make a post & provided a reminder about a basic life lesson. I thought, "I can't surely take down the blog now. I have too much left to say." But then, the day went on and nary a post did I make. Then, on Tuesday I thought, "Yep, Tracey get over it. Quit the blog already." But as fate would have it, I ran into a young man who made me reconsider. Then fate intervened yet again that afternoon and I ran into someone else who made me consider a new post. I'd like to introduce you to the 3 people I encountered this week that made me even more appreciative and why.

Random Old Lady: Walking down 147th Street, I noticed an older lady (old enough to be my Momo) and she had stopped dead in her tracks. I had no idea if she was hurt, sad, confused, happy to see me or what. The closer I got to her, she began smiling. When I got near her she said, "I was just looking at you and remembering when I used to walk like that. Those were the days." I smiled back confused and thanked her. I was in great discomfort, walking slower than normal and being annoyed by it all. So I wasn't really seeing initially what she was seeing. But her comments made me thankful for the fact that I could walk at all without the assistance of a walking aide, she had a cane. No matter how much discomfort I was in, I still had my ability to walk, something that isn't really promised to be the case forever. It was a reminder to appreciate the small things and take nothing for granted. Also, youth is fading. Seize the day while you can.
Zealot Christian: As I was coming down the stairs at the 145th St. train station on Tuesday, there was a young man randomly telling each person who made eye contact with, "Jesus love you." He would say it in English or Spanish given your perceived native tongue. When he told me, I knew it to be true and sincere so I said, "thank you." But this is New York & the city is filled with nuts so, I was careful not to send any signal that I wanted further conversation. Then, he asked "What's wrong with your leg?" I asked him how he knew there was something wrong (I was en route to an appointment to find out what was ailing me, but he didn't know that. Or did he?). He just said he could tell. The train came and we boarded together and I did something I don't normally do or encourage, I continued to talk to this total stranger on the A line. It felt good. We talked all the way down to 42nd St. He was so passionate about the love of God, but he was also so very balanced in his view of what it means to be a Christian. He said this at the end of the conversation, "God knows your heart. And if you have a heart for pleasing Him, He will always reward you. Each day get up and do your very best for God. Even if you fail, God still loves you. So focus only on doing the best for today. When tomorrow comes, worry about doing your best then. But today, focus on today." That was worth the entire conversation. I know God loves me. I know He extends continual grace to me. I know that in my mere human state of being, I will continually fall short in some way. But I will never fall short of receiving His love. This young man (can't recall his name - something that starts with an "M"), reminded to focus on today. Tomorrow carries with it it's own struggles and triumphs. Today is what matters. It can all be gone tomorrow and therefore, I only have power to affect tomorrow, today. I also admired his boldness to proclaim God's love in a respectful and thoughtful way to strangers. He wasn't one of the loud talking Bible pushing folks on the train telling people they were going to hell if they didn't heed the calling. Nope, he was soft and plain spoken enticing people to Christ by telling them of His true and endearing love for us.
The Grumpy Unemployed Woman: Because this is New York and I no longer have a car, there are times when I need a train and a bus to get where I'm going. I got off of the train with Christian Zealot (who was a cutie BTW) and headed for Madison Ave where I needed a bus to take me a few stops. At the bus stop, a lady pushing a walker walked over to me and asked, "Do you get unemployment?" I knew I wasn't feeling well, but I'd tried my best to look decent and semi-cute to head to the doc's office. But did she think I was in need of a check (but then again, who isn't?). I answered her with a negative on that one. "Well, have you ever tried getting it?" Again, negativo on that one. "Well, I have to pee. And I'd rather pee than wait 27 hours on the phone to get a check. They make it so hard to get some damn money. Maybe I should try welfare." Of course at this point, I'm speechless. But can I just say nothing? I didn't need to because she still had more. "This country ain't worth s*%t! There's nothing good about this country. I can't stay on a phone that long. I have to pee." Luckily, the bus was pulling up as she finished. She made me thankful that I still collect a check and don't have to call unemployment because I like being able to go to the bathroom when I want. I don't want a phone call dictating my bathroom habits. But then, I know other folks who have taken a hit in this downturn and been laid off. To my knowledge, they too are able to go to the bathroom when they please. But I was thankful that I did have a job; that if I needed to unleashing, I don't have to do it with perfect strangers, I have friends willing to listen; again, I didn't need a walking aide; and that with all of it's problem, I'm pretty cool with living in America. I was also proud that I didn't just cut her off. I listened and she seemed to like that. Sometimes people just want to be heard. We so often actually listen to what others are saying to see that saying something to you maybe the only time someone offers them a chance to truly vent.

So I thank these 3 random people I met. I'll remember these encounters for many years. They may seem simple and unimportant to most, but I'm thankful that God is always telling me to live with gratitude and shows me ways in which I maybe operating in the Land of Ungratefulness. I appreciate the reminder!

Why Do We Need So Many Reminders To Be Grateful

2009-11-24T18:29:00.004-05:00

The past two weeks of my life have been really interesting. I'll spare you the details (too long a story for now), but just know that there were a few times I wanted to intentionally forget what a Christian walk was supposed to look like and just yell in the street. I'm not saying this is completely normal for everyone else, but I firmly believe anyone trying to live a life of conviction, no matter their belief system, experiences moments of frustration and are tempted to scream out "Why??!!" But of course, God could always yell back "Why not?!"

About 30 mins ago I had a rant/venting session with a friend over something that another friend had done. I totally let my emotions take control and I was perfectly ok with being upset the rest of the night about it. Silly, but true. I was going to actively choose to be angry because I felt I had been done wrong. Then, I get to my apartment and in my rush to pack (I'm supposed to be in Maryland to visit with Cajun Spice in 5 hours and I haven't anything clean to pack. Again, another story for another day SMH) and I checked my messages. I had a message from a dear friend that was short and sweet. However, in the short and sweet message I was reminded that my friend had lost far more than what I had been complaining (most ranting/venting is complaining) I'd lost just a few moments ago. And on top of the loses of this friend, I've NEVER heard them complain/vent/express any frustration.

I literally had to pause, take a breath, close my eyes, tell God I was sorry, tell Him thank You for the things and people in my life, and rushed to make a blog entry (I should probably be packing). I don't ever desire to be a Christian who wants people to believe I have it all figured out and that I don't have moments when the flesh wins over the spirit. No one's Christian walk is perfect. We all still sin on a daily basis. There are things I'm beyond at this point and consider them to be utter foolishness now, but I understand it's a lifetime process of growth for us all. I'm loved, I'm blessed, I'm thankful. I just wish I didn't need to keep reminding myself of that sometimes.

Witnessing an ARK

2009-11-18T11:04:00.003-05:00

While I sometimes believe that general customer service is dead, I like to think that simple kindness and service to our fellow human beings is still alive and kicking. Unfortunately, I rarely get to witness many Acts of Random Kindness (ARK). I haven't lost hope and faith that as a society we want to be nice to one another, I just wonder at times if we know how to be of service. But this morning, I witnessed joyful service and 2 hours later, I'm still smiling about it.

A very pregnant woman got on the train and just as I was about to offer up my seat to her, an older lady jumped up before I could. But as she was getting up, a young man was trying to signal to the pregnant woman that she could have his seat. She ended up taking the seat from the older woman, but then the young man gave his seat to the older lady and he then sat next to me. All of this fuss was made for one woman who got off at the next stop. I had never seen such acts of kindness during a rush hour train ride in New York City (if you live in NYC, you know how coveted those rush hour seats are). It was a kind and comical scene of musical chairs.

While I can't be certain that the gestures made any huge difference in the woman's outlook for the day, I do know at least for that moment, she was provided an opportunity to smile and be thankful. We never know what any stranger is thinking (heck a lot of times we don't know what those close to us are thinking), but we can always give people a reason to smile and feel more valued if we practice building ARKs. What's a small, but meaningful gesture you can make today to make someone smile and feel valued?

Maybe I'm not truly appreciative

2009-11-17T13:54:00.002-05:00

So it's been nearly 2 months since my last blog entry (yes, too long I know) and I honestly can't think of a reason that would suffice as to why it's been that long. I could tell you that I've been really busy with work, class, starting a new business, my family and friends, and personal growth, but none of that matters. Or at least it shouldn't. I committed to creating and maintaining a blog for which many of my friends supported (and frequently checked even while I was slothful). Also, as an adult I should know how to manage my time better. So really, I can't provide any excuse for my lack of entries. I'm not being hard on myself, I'm being honest with myself. Therefore, until I officially announce that this blog is no more, I have a duty to maintain it.

What has prompted this burning desire to live up to my word? Well, my word is one of my most important assets. Without it being credible, I will be rendered ineffective in most endeavors. But also, in a conversation yesterday someone asked me about gratitude. Way way long ago, I used to make thankful entries. I sincerely believe we are far more blessed than what we'll ever be cursed so, I made daily (then weekly) lists of reasons I was thankful that day. It took my mind off the negative and forced me to see the positive in each day.

In this conversation yesterday, I was lamenting the fact that there is an area of my life that is very important to me and I say that I'm thankful for it, but I don't behave like I am. How could I appreciate something if I don't take care of it? And how can I say I am caring for something when I don't give it my very best? This thing in my life has been getting 1/3 of my weakest energy, if that much. If that's the case, maybe I don't appreciate it as much as I should.

This led to me thinking of the thankful entries I was making and the blog as a whole. So without further delay, here are a just a few things I've been grateful for over the past 2 months:

I went home to Louisiana and spent tons of time with the Tot. It was good to see my entire family, but I admit a special pleasure of seeing the growth in the little one. She is truly a spectacular child.
While I was there, I stayed at my Favorite Person's home and I'm so proud of the woman she has become. I get to watch her figure out how to navigate life and she's not perfect, but she's damn close!!!!
I actually enjoyed being in Miami last week:-)
The Queen Bee has decided to make a trip to NYC. I anxiously await her arrival. Just know that I plan to let her cook and I'll eat myself silly the entire time she's here.
Bowler Boy was in The States in October and we got to hang briefly. Although he owes me a remote, I won't ban all future visits.
Cajun Spice has stepped out on faith and her path is being blessed step-by-step.
The Cousin has decided to implement change!!
A bond with an associate has graduated to friend. I'm pretty excited about that.
I've registered my business name and have the papers to prove it!!!
Overall, I've had a sense of excitement about the things to come in my life and those around me. I'm loved and I love. I'm growing and I'm witnessing growth. What is there to not be thankful about when held in comparison to the many things to be thankful for?

Turns Out Life Has Consequences

2009-09-28T10:55:00.003-04:00

Oh New York!! It's a city with no secrets. No secrets because New Yorkers openly discuss their most intimate thoughts and experiences out loud for any and everyone to hear. There is no such thing as using an "inside voice." Growing up if I spoke at the volume of most New Yorkers some adult in my life would ask if I was raised in a barn or if I had a problem. I would then be met with a glance of annoyance. Ah, the teaching of home training. It's a lost art these days.

In my office building on one of the floors above mine, there is a call center of some sort. The employees are interesting and leave much to be desired in the area of basic decorum. Since I exit the elevators before them, I'm always privy to conversations I never want to be witness to or believe even exist. This morning I overheard one of those conversations.

As I approached the elevator I saw approximately 4 people from the call center (they are easily identifiable). Here is what was said by one of the women:

"They keep saying they only want people without a record on this new project. I'm like damn! What they want me to do? So I slapped the lady in the rent office and I got arrested for that and I got evicted. I went to court and everything. I got probation. So I slapped her and got evicted. Isn't the eviction payment enough? They tripping about this record stuff. I don't see what this even has to do with the project. They ain't got nothing to do with one another."

Her friends/co-workers nodded in agreement. Let me see how best I can say this: LIFE HAS CONSEQUENCES PEOPLE!!!! If I spend my paycheck and never pay bills, the consequence of that is I end up homeless and hungry. If I eat really recklessly and never exercise, I can expect to gain weight and have poor health. And turns out if I get violent with someone and get arrested, I will have a record. And because I have a record, I have to realize there will be some opportunities I can't take advantage of.

I do believe some people end up with records unnecessarily. I also believe that if you've done the time and repaid your debt to society then, you should be allowed a second chance to prove that you can be a productive law abiding citizen. I don't believe that a person should be condemned the rest of their life for a poor past decision (we've all made bad choices at some point). BUT, I do believe that those persons should realize that their poor choices (she didn't accidentally slap the woman) could result in some consequences that won't be pleasant. There will be things in life that you'll have to realize you blew your chance on. It sucks (not really) but it's life.

I think my biggest problem was that it didn't sound as though she thought anything was wrong with a grown woman slapping someone nor did she seem to be remorseful or take ownership of HER lapse in judgment. That she was annoyed that her employer wouldn't put her on a project that required a clean criminal record indicated to me that they have policies in place and she can't refute their policies. Plus, maybe her behavior on past projects didn't prove that she could be trusted with the level of responsibility that the new project would require.

Plain and simple, every action has a reaction. If you are tired of the reactions you are getting, change your actions. There are consequences (both positive and negative) to every thing we do.

Voting Day

2009-09-15T19:43:00.007-04:00

I come from a household wherein the parents took their right to vote very seriously. Their voices would not be ignored!!! I think they would vote for American Idol if it required time in a booth at the neighborhood middle school auditorium. They have passed this strong appreciation of the right to vote on to me.

Today was New York City's primary elections for a host of city titles, but the one I was most concerned with was mayor. I'm wanting and waiting for my chance to have someone dethrone Michael-I'm-So-Rich-I-Don't Relate-To-Middleclass-Bloomberg!!!!! I've never quite forgiven him for paying people to do things they were supposed to do anyway like take their kids to the doctor, get a job, etc. Then, he goes and overrides the voice of the people to bypass the term limits that were in place. To say I'm annoyed with this man is a great understatement!!!!! But Bloomy isn't the reason for this post. No, no. This post is about the foolishness that is election day in NYC.

First, I ran into my neighborhood suitor (one of many unqualified for the job) and here's how the convo went:

Overweight and overaged Suitor: Why didn't you go vote today?

Me: I'm on my way to the polls now!

OAOS: Well give me you number!

Me: (With lips pursed and eyes rolled, terrible of me I know) Quit playing with me.

OAOS: I'm saying dough. You just give me your number so we can be friends. What's wrong with that?

Me: (I just continue to walk towards my civic duty wondering what in the h-e-double hockey sticks that has to do with voting)

Secondly, I run into this gentleman pictured below mere feet away from the polling place. He is trying to hand me a flyer about himself, but he is referring to himself in the 3rd person and telling me why they guy on the flyer is a "good man" and should be elected D.A. Does he not know that these glasses indicate I have 2x the vision of the normal person and can see that it is clearly HIM on the freaking flyer? Does he not think I know it's illegal for him to be standing that close to a polling center? The picture was taken as I was leaving the polls and he had some poor man buying into his story. I wanted to snatch that brother and say "Man quit playing. The face on the flyer is the same face speaking to you!"

Then, I get inside the school to vote and the place is empty. In November it was packed with a line wrapped around the corner. You would've sworn they were doing ladies get in free before 11 in there. But today, nope folks could not be bothered.

Lastly, I'm just too through that the democratic process allows for candidates to be on the ballot and receive public finance campaign funds i.e. mine and yours tax dollars who have no real chance of getting elected. This fine fellow right here is Jimmy McMillan. When asked about his occupation in the Voter Guide, he responded with "Founder of the Rent Is Too Damn High Movement." And when asked what he thought was the most important issue in the city he would address, he responded with "Rent is too damn high rent-freeze-rent-reduction-rent-rollback. People must have money to spent." Apparently, his plan for the city would result in a $3 to 6 billion surplus for the city. And he wants some of the Stimulus money. I don't like Bloomy very much these days, but if there was a surplus in the city to be had into the billions, I'm certain he would've found it. Regardless as to your personal feelings about me, do yourself a favor and click the link and check out Jimmy's website PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE cl ick here

Personally, I blame Bloomberg!!!!!

I Am Thankful

2009-09-10T07:50:00.003-04:00

It's important to learn to be thankful no matter what's going on, but I must admit I'm pretty excited about what's going on. Here are just a few reasons over the past week I've had to be thankful.

While trying to give me "words of wisdom" on personal appearance of all things, the Silver Fox told me he looks so good when goes out that "Men fret and women pet." Yaaasss! LOL. I'm thankful that his sense of humor is still as I remember it. And unintentionally so. That's the best part.
I've re-connected with people I do truly care about via FB. I always thought that if you cared about people then you wouldn't lose touch, but life happens and you sometimes do. I'm glad we've linked up.
As a life long fan of Disney (I was a bit obsessed), this holiday season I'll finally get to see a princess that looks like me. I think this is great for all the little brown girl Disney fans.
I know some pretty awesome people. They are waking up every morning boldly pursuing their dreams and it's encouraging me to do the same.
Apparently, I'm on the verge of something big. We all are. That's something to collectively get excited about.
The Queen sent a large container of pralines. I've supplemented my breakfast, lunch, and dinner with it each day since. Someone please stage an intervention!!! She's planning to send more goodies!!!
The Tator Tot began gymnastics this week. I'm anticipating hilarious stories as a result. And super thankful that her mom recognized a desire in her to enroll her. She is committed to spotting the Tot's gifts, talents, and abilities early on so that she can nurture them.
My childhood Loan Officer has a new lady friend and she seems really nice and he seems happy. Smiles on the faces of my loved ones make me giddy!!
I have a new outlet for my writing. I'm the New York Life Coach expert on Examiner.com. Please show support and check me out. NY Life Coach Examiner
Cajun Spice was here this past weekend and we had a good time. Sadly, she didn't leave anything I could keep for myself. You slipping girl. I'm hoping there's a pair of earrings I haven't found yet laying around.
Lastly, I know folks have read about my gushing with joy over things that are happening in my life. But I really want folks to know that nothing about my external situation has changed. I still live in the same small apartment with the same annoying neighbors surrounding me. I still report to my job at the law firm until I can make a smooth transition. I'm still struggling to get my time management under control. I'm still trying to tone my body. My salary is the same as before I started gushing. I'm still trying to make changes in my relationships with friends and family for the better and to be closer to them. And yes, I'm still single! But even with it all, I'm in the happiest place of my life. I know my purpose and I see the shifting taking place in my life to be effective in this world. That in and of itself is worth more than any tangible change in any of the above areas. And it's not something that's exclusive to me. We all can have joy bubbling inside of us and be graced to enjoy everyday life no matter the circumstance.

Really, Wall Street

2009-09-08T13:05:00.005-04:00

So the greedy Wall Street leeches (too harsh? I think not) have decided to go full throttle with a plan to place bets on the lives of other human beings. They are in the process of coming up with a scheme very similar to the sub-prime mortgage products wherein they buy life insurance policies from the sick and elderly, repackage them, and sell them as investments. They make more money when the policy holder dies than if they live so they have to hope for no cures for Cancer or HIV/AIDS.

The idea of securitizing a product that is meant to care for one's family and final arrangements, and the knowledge that you make the most money when a human life is lost just seems I don't know...WRONG ON ALL LEVELS!!!!! But maybe I over react.

Could someone please explain the upside of this to me because I've read the entire article and nope, I don't don't see the silver lining. Am I missing something?

Check it out for yourself: Wall Street Pursues Profit in Bundles of Life Insurance

Wow Hadn't Realized

2009-09-08T13:03:00.003-04:00

Just logged on to make another post and I realize that as of my last posting, I've made 100 blog entries. Given the fact that I don't post daily and I just started this to get me in the habit of writing more regularly, I'm super stoked about that!!!! Thanks folks for being so supportive and patient with my slow entry rate.

Only At The Laundromat

2009-08-29T10:43:00.002-04:00

Picture It: A Harlem laundromat this morning around 8:30. I'm folding my clothes when the owner walks over to me. Under any other circumstances physical and ethnic attributes would not be important, but today they are so..

Me: African-American, 30 year old woman rocking a natural hairdo which happens to be an afro that's about 3 inches long.

Owner of Laundromat: Middle-aged Dominican male with a low fade.

He approached and the exchange went like this:

OOL: So what are you going to do with your hair?

Me: Huh?

OOL: What you gonna do with your hair?

Me: Oh, um I don't know. Been thinking of dreads, but for now just the fro.

OOL: You know what you should try?

Me: Naw what's that?

OOL: A relaxer! (Note: he says this like he just dropped some science on me)

Me: Um, yeah naw. I'm gonna stick with the natural.

OOL: No just listen. You can get one of them Rihanna hair styles.

Me: I don't think my style is similar to Rihanna. She's a bit Rock-n-Roll.

OOL: No not one of the Rock-n-Roll styles. Just you know like cut short, but with a relaxer. That would look good on you.

Me: Well if you recall when I first started coming in here I used to have a relaxer and it was cut short like that.

OOL: Yeah, you should do that again. (Nods his head to emphasize his point)

Me: No, I'm gonna stick with what I got.

OOL: So what you trying to be like Rah Digga.

Me: Rah Digga?

OOL: Yeah you know 'I rock rough and tough with my afro puffs.'

Me. No you mean Rage.

OOL: Oooohh yeah! Lady Rage. You trying to do that?

Me: Not exactly. Listen, it's fine. I'll stick with what I got. Maybe I should have combed my hair before I strolled in. Maybe once you see the fro in all it's glory your opinion will be different.

OOL: No. You know you can do one of those relaxers at home with a comb. You just put it on a comb and comb it through your hair. You can do it yourself.

Me: Well the whole point of growing a natural is so I don't use harsh chemicals in my hair. So, yeah no I'm gonna stick with what I got.

OOL: Well ok. You're a nice looking lady but you'd look better with a relaxer. I'm not trying to insult you or nothing though.

Yeeeeppppppp!

Love Is Hard

2009-08-25T21:25:00.002-04:00

For anyone who says love is easy, I'm going to assume you are either not offering REAL love or you are young and don't know any better. I have fallen into both categories in my 30 years. However, with age hopefully comes wisdom and new perspectives. But what is love exactly? Lauryn Hill (pre- Jamaican baby daddy) told us, but how many really took the time to listen to the lyrics or refer back to the original text of the song? "Let me patient. Let me be kind. Make me unselfish without being blind. Though I may suffer, I'll envy it not. And endure what comes cause He's all that I got." She was laying out the definition of love. Otherwise found in 1 Corinthians 13 and is the following: patient, kind, does not envy or boast, is not proud, is not rude, is not self-seeking (apparently no reality tv show exhibits love), is not easily angered, keeps no records of wrongs (yep it forgives!), does not delight in evil (most blogs would fail the test right here), rejoices at the truth (maybe Maury's mission is love - You are NOT the father), always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, and lastly, it NEVER FAILS!

Over the past few months, I've tried to use the above criteria as a sort of litmus test to see if I'm acting in true love at all times. Most of us get about 25% of that list correct on a daily basis and on some Sundays and Christmas we might even get 50% of it right. The greatest of the commandments are boiled down to one word: L-O-V-E. It's really that simple. Don't believe me? Let's see...

If you operate in true love you can easily overlook the offense of another because you understand that their actions may be motivated by something internal that has nothing to do with you. When a person is dealt a blow in life you aren't joyful because of it, rather you try to help them back up. When you see injustice and deception being promoted and lived out around you, you do your best to inject the truth. When you have a really rough period of life and you can't see a better day coming, you keep hope and faith that even though you can't SEE it, you KNOW it's coming (I don't see oxygen but I KNOW I breath it.). When someone you are supposed to love is being an obnoxious crawdad making it hard to even like them, you be patient with them cause you know all they need is a little understanding. When disagreements happen, you aren't too prideful to admit you are wrong or work towards a resolution because you know that a prideful heart will get you the very thing you don't want. I could go on and on. Trust me I could.

Yes, I've learned that we are to love everyone, not just the cute fun people in our lives who always agree with us. So the next time you toss about the word love, make sure you are willing to uphold those qualities because without them, you are just in strong liking. Now, I admit it's a lot of work to do this love thing and we are generally a society of lazy narcissist, but just as with any other muscle, the more you work it the stronger it'll get! Love you dolls!!!

Especially Thankful

2009-08-22T16:34:00.002-04:00

I'm coming to realize that on the days when everything seems to be going wrong, those are the days to be the most thankful. Why? Well first of all, it could be a lot worse so be thankful that it isn't. Secondly, it's only with a spirit of gratitude that you'll be able to positively weather all the negative things that are happening. Yesterday was sort of tough. And actually, I can't say tough. I'm trying to be more mindful of my adjectives:-) It was more so annoying and unexpected. But here's why I found reasons to be thankful in the midst of frustrating encounters.

All week I had been feeling a bit tired and slightly under the weather. So yesterday I wake up and everything is achy and my jaw/inner cheeks are hurting and appear irritated. I called the doctor to schedule an appointment and they gave me a time, but then called me back and rescheduled it later in the day. Reason to be thankful: I have insurance that allows for pop in visits to the doctor with minimal out of pocket expense to me ($15 co-pay owa owa!!) and I got an appointment yesterday even if it was at a later time than I'd have liked.
I got into a cab and told the driver where I was going and gave him a reference point. He argued with me that there existed no such reference point. He took me to the intersection but indeed the spot I was looking for wasn't there so I had to walk around a bit to get where I wanted to go. Reason to be thankful: My walk wasn't very far and I learned a bit about a neighborhood that I don't usually frequent.
Once I linked up with a friend for lunch things seemed to be going ok, but my sandal strap broke. Reasons to be thankful: There was a shoe store nearby and I was able to pick up a pair of inexpensive sandals.
En route to the doctor's office I was so tired I fell asleep on the train and missed my stop to transfer to another train. Reason to be thankful: I was able to get off on the next stop that had across the platform transfers so I didn't have to walk above ground and swipe again (although I use a monthly Metrocard I still didn't feel like doing all of that).
At the doctor's office I had to wait about 20-30 minutes before I could be seen. Reasons to be thankful: My doctor's office has a super comfortable waiting area and I had my journal with me so I got some uninterrupted writing in during the wait.
I went to Whole Foods on the way home to pick up some produce. Somehow, I unexpectedly spent $62 on one bag of groceries that was 98% produce!!!! Reason to be thankful: I could afford to do so and I know I bought quality food.
Got home and was very sleepy. Went to bed around 6:30 and woke up again at 8:00 when I was hoping to sleep till this morning. Reason to be thankful: I used the extra hours awake to get some reading done and came to some pretty impactful revelations!!!

Life isn't about what happens to us. It's about how we handle what gets thrown our way. As always, my challenge to you is to come up with your own reasons to be thankful. I'd like to hear why you are able to be thankful during difficult times. Even when you really don't feel like it, just do it. You'll be much happier you did!

Well Thank You

2009-08-12T00:09:00.003-04:00

Before my head touches the pillow, I must give thanks for just a few things:

While The Stormy One still hasn't regained her hearing, she hasn't lost anything else (still has use of her limbs, eyes, and voice). I'm quite confident they will figure out what the problem is. In the meantime can someone tell me what the sing language would be for "Stop yelling. Just because you can't hear doesn't mean we all can't!"
Pretty Girl got her first Bible in the mail today. She thought it was..."pretty" (of course) and she seems excited to have it. Did anyone know that kids have homework on the first day of school now? That's another reason to be thankful..I'm no longer in high school!
Tried a new Indian restaurant tonight and I made it home without incident. No Canal Street tragedies:-0 (probably TMI but I can be honest with y'all te he he ta ha ha)
Still excited to have discovered the music of Sam Sparro. He's like a cross between Prince, Gnarls Barkley, and P-Funk!!! Yay!
The Scratcher made a post to her Facebook page. "Finally it has happened to me right in front of my face and I just cannot hide it!" Anybody know where CeCe Peniston is these days?
My friend has married a very nice man. It was a pleasure to meet him.
I'm still receiving nothing but support and good will towards my upcoming endeavors. I know there will come a time when I'll face opposition, but when it happens I'll just fall back on knowing I'm doing what I was created to do and that the people who matter most to me are supportive.
A kid ALMOST hit me with his scooter tonight. Note: ALMOST vs. DID
The movement (not quite a revolution) is starting in 3 more days. Unfortunately, it will not be televised.
Still excited about my writing session from Sunday with Songbird!!!!!

Directions to the A

2009-08-11T23:41:00.002-04:00

New Yorkers cannot and do not give good directions! I've lived in this city for nearly 6 years and whenever I find myself in unfamiliar territory and ask for directions to the nearest train, no one is able to give accurate concise directions. This is mind blowing to me as I'm always either able to give accurate concise directions or simply tell you I'm not sure and maybe help you figure it out. But nope, I never get that in return.

I was downtown tonight in the East Village having dinner with a rather lovely couple and afterwards it was my intent to walk over to the A train. I forgot about all the crisscrossing streets downtown that prevent me from simply walking straight across westward. By the time I got over by NYU I stopped to ask a man in sunglasses (yep he had dark shades on outside at 9:30PM) and he told me in a rather low weird voice to follow him. My look told him that wasn't an option. He then said, "Walk past the park and turn right." I did as instructed but there was no train. I walked further and asked a gentleman closing up his shop and he told me, "Cross the street and walk up to the corner and turn left." But if I turned left when I got to the corner, I'd be back on the original side of the street I was on when he told me to cross it. Why wouldn't I just stay on that side to begin with?

I did as instructed and still...no train. I saw 2 women walking towards me and I asked them and they looked as though I'd asked for the precise location of Jimmy Hoffa's body. They pointed and I followed their fingers. I next came across an old man who was of no help either. He had given me a litany of instructions and then at the end said, "I believe you better ask someone else cause really I'm not sure." WHAT? I had Pretty Girl on the phone at the time and the tyke heard it all so I promise I tell you no word of lie. Disgusted and dazed I set out determined to not ask another soul and find it on my own.

I'm pleased to report I found the train and it was in the direction of my first inclination. Had I trusted my "gut" I'd have gotten to the train much sooner and without the headache.

But isn't this so true of life? We are often times seeking advice from people who either don't know the way or who just give poor directions. We find ourselves in situations in which decisions need to be made and ask people for their advice and they are ill prepared to give it. A lot of times, their advice has us going in circles, especially advice from random people. And by random I mean we may ask people who don't have things in a particular area we struggle with anymore figured out than we do and we run to them looking for direction. If I want to learn wealth building strategies, why would I consult my broke friends? If I want to know how a man thinks, why would I ask my female friends? If I want to know how an outfit looks, why would I consult my tacky friend? I believe you get the picture.

There is wisdom to be gained from wise counsel, but we must choose carefully who we deem fit for wise counsel. Not every friend is suitable to seek counsel with on all subjects. Pick and choose wisely. But foremost, before seeking the counsel of a friend, maybe just pray about it and see what the architect of all the paths and roads says. He knows better than anyone! He wouldn't have had me walking in circles tonight!!

Thankful For The Bad Things

2009-08-08T10:28:00.004-04:00

Last week a friend sent a group of us an email titled "Thank You Cards." She was planning to send thank you cards to all the guys she dated in the past who didn't treat her right because they have made her all the more appreciative of the man she now has. It got me thinking about what "bad" things am I thankful for? For everything has a season and yes, there is a season of turmoil just as there is a season of rest. Here's some of the turmoil I'm thankful for and why:

I'm thankful that I spent years of my life depressed because now I can appreciate joy and peace. Also, because I know the battle firsthand I can speak from experience when I tell people it doesn't have to be that way forever.
I'm thankful that I had a broken heart (several times) because if the happiness experienced with the wrong guy could've made me feel such loss, I'm confident that the joy and happiness brought on by the right guy will be mind blowing.
I'm thankful that I experienced the death of a person close to me because I made memories with them while they were alive that will stay with me forever and their impression on my life is truly unforgettable. Those memories are what make me smile instead of cry when I think of them.
I'm glad that my big ideas for my life didn't pan out exactly as I planned because now I've made room for God to show me His plans which are always better than any I could've come up with personally.
I'm thankful that I spend a lot of time underground on the train because each time I come above ground I'm thankful for the simple pleasure of being able to see the sky and breath semi-fresh air.
I'm thankful that the church I attend is so far out in West Nowhere Brooklyn because I get to spend time on the ride hanging with some pretty awesome friends.
I'm thankful that I fell into a job I would've never picked on my own because it has made me all the more thankful of knowing my purpose and moving towards it. It's also taught me things I'm unsure how I would've learned any place else.
I'm thankful that I've disagreed with family and friends because the fact that we still speak afterwards and still show love tells me that the strength of our bonds are super glue tight.
I'm glad that I can witness friends and family be honest about their struggles in life because I can gain wisdom from their experiences.
I'm thankful that I've experienced deception because knowing it was deception means I now know the truth.

Can I Entice You

2009-08-04T14:39:00.003-04:00

I'm excited because my stats now show that I've had 1,022 page views and 686 visits to my blog!!! Thank you all ever so kindly for caring about what I have to say. However, you folks still aren't leaving comments. Do you hate the blog and just come to tease and taunt me with your stat numbers? Do you love it and want more baby?

You've left me no choice but to bribe you. I never thought it would come to this. Bowler Boy bribing the chief jailer in a Taiwanese prison in the far stretches of Asia, that I could've predicted. But me bribing my very own friends? Nope, never would've thought. So here goes...

I'm offering a whole shiny quarter to the next commenter on this blog! People don't purse your lips or laugh because in case you hadn't checked, we are in a recession and quarters are hard for some to come by!

Everyday is a Day to be Thankful

2009-08-03T01:34:00.003-04:00

Here are today's reasons:

Songbird and I have agreed to start holding joint writing sessions to force me into completing this book.
I'm assuming that the Tot's fever has broken because I heard her cheerful giggles in the background today.
As I share my upcoming plans with people they are being super supportive.
Thanks to the Bronx Bomber I realize I'm not the only one with a parent that just can't let some strange food habits go.
There was evidence of a major victory in someone's life extremely close to me. Prayer and praise are your best weapons in life. Use them wisely.
Tomorrow is Monday (talk about grace to enjoy things, I'm actually looking forward to work tomorrow).
After hearing about a man who was randomly shot in the leg and had to get it amputated, I'm happy that I have all my limbs. I'm also elated that this man didn't wallow in his injury and turned the situation around to help others as he is now also a motivational speaker.
People are actually reading this blog. Thank you guys! I do appreciate every click and read I get. And while I can see by the site tracking that you are coming, could you just please start commenting so I get some feedback? I promise it's not as hard as trying to figure out why BET is still allowed to be in existence. It is much simpler than that trust me. Thanks!
The salmon pannini from the juice shop is amazing! Arturo has just solidified my status as a loyal customer.
I think it's pretty cool that no matter what kind of day I'm having, I can always find more reasons to be thankful than to be remorseful and ungrateful. What's even more incredible is that you can too if you just try!

Just a side bar, I could only come up with one reason to not be thankful and that's I didn't get a chance to rewash my hair from last night and twist it. But then again I can still be thankful that I have hair. There are some who've lost theirs due to worry and stress or worse yet, from chemo treatments. So yeah I guess I am always finding more reasons to be happy and thankful!

What's It Worth

2009-08-03T00:55:00.004-04:00

Does anyone remember the Martin Lawrence and Danny Devito movie What's the Worst That Could Happen? In the movie Martin plays a thief who, while in the process of a burglary, is busted by the home owner played by Danny. As the police have Martin cuffed and ready to haul off, Danny lies and tells the cops that the ring Martin is wearing is his. Thus ensues a cat and mouse chase so that Martin can get back the ring. If by now you are judging my choice in movie selection just know I bought the DVD when Martin was hot and I wanted to watch something silly this weekend.

In a scene in which Martin is trying to explain the definition of value to his girlfriend, who had given him the ring, and why he was fighting so hard to get it back he describes worth as nothing more than a man made valuation of something. He held a Faberge egg up and told her that some people thought it's value to be pretty significant, but he on the other hand didn't think much of it. In fact, he threw the egg in the trash. The ring on the other hand was priceless to him. Last week in church, my pastor described value as simply the price you are willing to pay for a thing. Isn't that so true?

I'm now ruminating on the values I've placed on things in life. In a conversation this afternoon with the Bronx Bomber, I told her how I had some time ago come to the conclusion that my life didn't accurately reflect my interests. However, I failed to see that in that same way, it didn't reflect the things that I truly valued either. In his sermon, my pastor also stated that if you were hesitant to pay the price for something then, it was just a preference. Deep thought has revealed this to be pure unfiltered truth!

Here are a few such examples of where I've previously missed the mark in valuation in my life:

Dating: Back to the standards conversation from spring, I've always told myself I valued myself high enough to not let someone treat me less than what I know I am worth. Yet time and again, my standards weren't always solid and I accepted less than my asking price. Mentally, I told myself I was worth complete adoration, respect, and consideration. I didn't all the time get that and I didn't, for the most part, demand it. I left the suitor believing that his assessment of my worth was accurate when it couldn't have been further from the truth.
Family and Friendships: I believe these two sets of people are priceless. There is untold wealth in having a family that nurtures, loves, and supports you from the beginning as well as friends who love you enough to overlook your character quirks and still choose to be in community with you (unlike family, friends have every right to pack their camel and go if the relationship seems like too much work). And here I am going home so infrequently that I'm always nervous that the Tot is going to forget what I look like. It would probably help if my hair wasn't different each time she saw me. Although I try to stay in touch with people as much as possible, I hadn't consistently lived up to that. The Stormy One literally works a 5 minute walk from my office and yet she and I see each other only about once every other month. Ms. Scorsese lives 3 blocks from my apartment and I see her once a quarter, if that frequently. This is unacceptable. I understand people's schedules are tight these days and everyone has their own concerns, but I know I can step it up with my contact. I do a good job of staying in touch. I'm aiming for doing a great job!
Health: I've always enjoyed being physical. I believe that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. I want to grow older fabulously. Then why aren't I exercising daily or on a consistent weekly basis? I do try to hit the track but I go through spurts where I'm there for 2 months and off for 3 months. This is unacceptable. I have to keep my body active and well in order to take care of this temple I've been entrusted with. Long life and good health are just as priceless as the relationships with loved ones. How important is it to me to have a body that doesn't need Spanx? I tell myself it's very important, right up there with maintain all my teeth, but I'm not diligent about what I eat or how much I exercise. This is no longer acceptable either.

These are just a few examples of my life not reflecting where I place the highest value. Our mental perceptions of how we see ourselves unfortunately don't always line up with the reality of who we actually are. The list could've gone on to include certain hobbies that I'm extremely interested in like knitting (get all your giggles out now but you'll be sorry once I have fly sweaters and you don't), comedy, home improvement projects (I'm aware that I need to own a home first), etc. What are some of the things in your life where you thought you placed a high value and discovered it was only a preference. Don't leave me out on a limb because I know I'm not the only one!

Wondering Why

2009-07-30T01:39:00.003-04:00

The tragic death of Vernon Forrest is indeed something to mourn. The blatant disregard for human life must come to an end. How many times we will cry and scream and protest about gun violence? For all you NRA people out there, I understand a gun alone doesn't kill anyone. But the countries with much stricter gun laws don't have the murder rates we have so maybe we should reconsider our gun laws. Let's face it, not everyone can be trusted to responsibly handle a firearm. But that's not the reason for this post. By all accounts, Vernon was an honorable man. He started a non-profit organization that helped mentally disabled individuals assimilate into society often times when their own families had abandoned them. He cared deeply for these people and in the early years of his organization, he lived in the same house with them. And this was all before he became famous. By all accounts he possessed an exemplary character.

Why then, would a man with so much good in him and a good head on his shoulders feel it necessary to chase down people who had robbed him? I'm not implying he deserved what he got at all and please don't misread. I just wonder why couldn't he just let whatever little money they got away with fade with the wind? I can understand maybe he felt violated, but was whatever he gave up of greater value than the ultimate price of it? He gave so freely, he didn't have to give his life as well.

Check out this article for just a glimpse of his charitable work. Vernon Forrest's giving

Oh Calm Down

2009-07-30T01:28:00.002-04:00

It seems my mention of a "secret habit" raised a couple of eyebrows yesterday. Well let me set the record straight, my habit is nothing tantalizing. I confess right now that I'm addicted to blogs. It's true. Daily I read gossip blogs, political blogs, real estate blogs, Brooklyn and Harlem blogs, food blogs (just waiting for someone to dedicate a blog to bread!!!), beauty blogs, current events blogs, and blogs about blogs. If there's a blog about it, I'll read it. Of course I read real news as well but I love blogs. Maybe if I didn't spend so much time reading the blogs of others, I'd have more time to post of my own:-) But reading is fundamental so is my blog habit really so bad? Does anyone have a habit they'd like to confess to? Hmm....

One Last Thing

2009-07-28T22:35:00.002-04:00

I hadn't written out a thankful list in a while so here goes...

Tonight I was sandwiched on the train between a rather portly gentleman who was listening to some rather aggressive rap music that caused him to grunt and wiggle in his seat and a pre-teen who was as musty as a billy goat (note: I've never smelled a billy goat or at least I don't think but I gather they smell badly as when I was younger and would come in from a day's play, The Queen would tell me I smelled like one). I was seated between these two and I didn't smack my lips, suck my teeth, purse my lips, or give a mean side eye, nor did I shake my head! Patience is my friend.
My focus has been improving and I'm being more productive at work because of it. The long hours aren't making me grumpy at all. Yes!!! (Mentally I'm jumping in the air with one fist raised to the sky!)
As I type this I'm listening to "Don't Want To Do Anything" by Mary J. Blige and K-Ci and it's not making me mournful about past loves lost. Plus, I'm thankful that I came of age before music got totally ridiculous (see earlier Facebook status to see what I mean).
The Silver Fox is cutting back on the smokes!!! He is even agreeing to try Nicorette!!!!
I heard the giggles of Favorite Person and the Tator Tot tonight.
I had dinner with an old friend and enjoyed myself.
I think it's possible that The Sensation and I will become actual friends. Is this a bad move? Someone advise me quick!!!!!
My secret bad habit has been improving without unsolicited intervention.
I keep seeing women walking around with fingerwaves. I want to know who told them this was ok in 2009, but the good news is, I didn't display any of the aforementioned signs of annoyance mentioned in thankful item #1.
Cajun Spice has started a beauty blog!!! More details on that later...

Life After The NFL

2009-07-23T15:17:00.004-04:00

When I came across this article I almost didn't recognize Ricky Williams without his previously signature dreds and I most certainly didn't expect to find out that he was training to be an acupuncturist. It seems Mr. Williams has given consideration to my Facebook status post from yesterday and is a man concerned about the legacy that will walk away from the grave with his mourners. His desire to care for the whole athlete (physical, spiritual, and mental) is to be applauded. I'm glad there are athletes out there who desire to do good for society and make a lasting impact other than the Hall of Fame notoriety. Check out the article here.

NY Times Ricky Williams is Hoping to Heal

I'm Late

2009-07-23T14:55:00.003-04:00

So life without cable can have it's challenges. Even though I could still in theory watch tv without a cable box, I never turn it on unless I'm about to watch a dvd. With that said, I had no idea that Walter Cronkite died last week. I read the newspapers online everyday and yet somehow, I missed this tidbit. In his memory, here's a clip of him reporting on Dr. Martin Luther King's assassination in 1968.

Oh Rachel

2009-07-17T14:45:00.003-04:00

Man, it's moments like this when I miss having cable. I so infrequently ever think about the fact that I did away with it months ago, but after watching this clip online of Rachel Maddow giving Pat Buchanan a dose of common sense, I'm sad that I wasn't able to see it live. However, I'm thankful for online clips. Watch and enjoy! Best line ever, "This country was built 100% by white people!" LOL! How can you be upset at comments like this when clearly they're just foolish rantings of a delusional old man?

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Happy 25th Bday Favorite Person

2009-07-16T13:19:00.003-04:00

Today is the 25th birthday of my favorite person in all the world. Said person is pictured below. I just love that kid!!!!!!!

Ten Cheers For Ms. Benjamin

2009-07-14T11:13:00.004-04:00

The New York Times is running a classic op-ed piece written in 2006 by Regina M. Benjamin, President Obama's newest cabinet appointment for Surgeon General. The op-ed was written to tell the world of her experience in rebuilding the medical clinic she ran in Bayou La Batre, Ala. after Hurricane Katrina. I think her hope and determination as well as the strength of the residents of that community are quite telling about the type of person Ms. Benjamin is and the influences in her life. Click the link and check it out when you have time.

Down and Up on the Bayou

It's A Wedding!!

2009-07-13T17:50:00.004-04:00

This one is just a freebie to those out there wondering if true love still exists and if they'll ever experience it. Actress Victoria Rowell, A-K-A Drew from "The Young and the Restless" got married to an artist from Atlanta recently. The story of how they met and how they intend to live their married lives is super cute and super inspirational. Both the bride and the groom are well over 40 and both have kids. Which means neither age nor parental status disqualifies you from being considered a desirable catch to someone for a life long partnership. Hopefully, this story brigthens your outlook on the issue. I just thought the story was really cute and had to share. Remember: Whatever is meant for your life will come attached with a graceful peace. So if you have a desire for marriage and you're not hearing those bells anytime soon, don't fret. Be patient (I know that word is dreaded like the plagues of Egypt.). Spend the meantime working on making yourself the best possible single person you can be which in turn makes you the best spouse you can be. Anything we want to last and be a source of joy in our lives is worth the work in developing ourselves as well as the wait required in doing so.

NY Times Vows

Do People Ever Get Tired Of This

2009-07-13T17:09:00.004-04:00

While I'm not surprised at all that there are individuals in the world who see attacking an 11 year old child with ignorant racial slurs an alright thing to do, I'm amazed that they are so bold in doing so. Or I guess not because most people can be thugs over the Internet. Just once I'd like to see someone sign a comments section with their real name and email address.

Malia Obama was seen in Russia wearing 2 t-shirts with peace signs on them. Radical Republican media sources have used this as an opportunity to spread hate. They have accused this CHILD of sending secret messages and being a propaganda tool for her father while calling her and her family not so nice names in the process.

I have never prior to Jan 20, 2009 heard people complain so much about a First Family. How many trips did Bush and his family (either Bush) take while in office? How much did Nancy Reagan spend on clothing and furnishings in the White House? Did anyone care? Let's be clear, the Obamas had a comfortable life well before coming into the national mindshare and dare I say if the world fell apart tomorrow and he were no longer President, they would manage just fine with the 4 Ivy League degrees between he and his wife. As for the children, they wear whatever trends are being sold in the stores and promoted by their favorite tween/teen stars. Really people, if she were sending subliminal messages via her wardrobe, is the message of peace a bad idea? I refuse to take the Republican extremists seriously.

Go Get Your Boy

2009-07-05T10:11:00.003-04:00

Will someone please tell Marion Barry that he just needs to stay in the house at all times because I'm tired of him getting arrested? If he isn't tired of being in central lockup I'm sure as heck tired of him being there. This time the former mayor, current councilman has been arrested for stalking. While I admit the details are few and from what I've read, I can't say one way or the other if he indeed was stalking this woman or if she was overreacting. But I will say this, people look at our lives and use past actions to predict future ones. Over a course of time people make conclusions about the habitual choices we make and how those choices reflect our true character. My perception of the arrest is that it is highly likely he was indeed stalking because his past choices include smoking crack cocaine, skipping out on his taxes for years, and driving a car with traces of marijuana and cocaine in it. I'm not saying he was indeed stalking, but I could see how a police officer would easily believe that he was...

Oh Marion

Truly Tragic

2009-07-05T01:53:00.003-04:00

I hate to have to end the holiday on such a note, but I'm saddened by the news of Steve McNair's death. I received a text this afternoon from Cajun Spice informing me of his untimely death but gunshot and it wasn't until I arrived home that I could investigate further. When I first read his name I didn't quickly know who she was talking about. But once she said that it was the football quarterback, I immediately remembered "Air McNair."

Most Saturdays of my life from junior high through college were spent at a college football game. I rarely attended the games of my Alma mater, LSU, preferring to be at Southern University games. My parents were avid fans, attending both home and away games. I recall being at an SU v. Alcorn game and my parents as well as their friends seemed to be more impressed with Air McNair than they were with the SU QB. In fact that entire afternoon had been spent making predictions on his actions in the upcoming game and afterwards, awe due to his performance. I didn't follow his career consistently, but I knew that he had become somewhat of a legend and had a good rep off the field.

On the comments page of some sites people have all manner of negative things to say and have begun jumping to random conclusions and assumptions about this man's, whom they never met, life. I'll simply say that no matter the circumstances surrounding his death and regardless of his celebrity or talent, no one should die in such a manner. My prayers are with his wife, children, friends, and extended family. I also wish the family of the young woman who was found along side him peace and privacy in their time of grief.

I'll restate my comment from earlier, we have the right to pursue life, liberty, and happiness. Live life to the fullest. It is never known when those rights will be taken away be it through the hasty decision of another or simply the body coming to a state of eternal rest too soon. Invest in your life and the lives of others and use each day to pursue things you are passionate about.

Happy 4th of July

2009-07-04T10:44:00.003-04:00

Wishing everyone a joyous 4th of July. I hope you celebrate and take some time to consider that in this country we have the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. In other words, LIVE LIFE TO THE FULL!!!!

I Wish Mike Could Answer These

2009-07-02T15:21:00.003-04:00

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

1. Even though your father goes on national tv to talk about your passing but ends up promoting his latest business venture 3 days after your death, does it mean the rest of the family should follow suit?
2. How much money does it take to convince your brother to go and give an exclusive interview to The Today Show and you're not even buried yet?
3. Why is your brother wearing a Jackson 5 jacket all of a sudden when he hasn't been seen wearing one in decades?
4. Why when asked about the pressures you faced, your brother begins to talk about his own pressures as a member of the Jackson 5 when he neither wrote the songs nor was he the star of the group and quite frankly is only still famous because he's your brother?
5. What is on his hair that makes it look so shiny, I truly need to know?
6. Is it accurate that he referred to the two of you as Moses and Aaron? If you were in fact that close, why didn't you leave your children to him instead of your mother who is nearly 80?
7. If he feels so grief stricken that he wishes he were the one dead, how does he find the strength to make tv appearances?
8. If the world wasn't ready for the "gift" that you were, why does he want you buried at Neverland Ranch for the world to visit? Plus, you state that he no longer lived at Neverland because he felt violated by the accusations that came out of it.
9. I'm confused. He'll be hurt if you were found to have been abusing drugs, but he'd understand if you were because of the pressures you were under. So if he understands, why be hurt?
10. How can he say less than a week after your death(at the time of recording) that your kids are doing well? What child would be "well."
11. Finally, should a man who married his brother's ex-wife whom he had children with, be talking about good morals and character?

I'm just asking.

It Always Comes Down To Race

2009-07-02T10:29:00.005-04:00

I admit that I'm a Michelle Obama stan. But my admiration of her does not render me incapable of speaking out against things she may say or do that I don't agree with. I assume any person of color is able to express their pride in the achievements of the First Family as well as their dismay with some decisions they've made or will make. So why is it a question as to whether trained journalists can be objective in their dealings with the East Wing? A columnist for the Washington Post poses this very question. When white journalist cover white politicians and celebrities is unbalanced reporting a threat? If Laura Bush gave Katie Couric an interview would it raise an eyebrow? Quite frankly, I'm sick of people acting like African-Americans can't be balanced in their views of the First Family. Heck, there are plenty who didn't vote for Obama and quite frankly can't stand him (trust me his smile didn't win everyone over). We are not a blind people nor are we all thinking with one collective brain. News flash: contrary to what BET will have you to believe many of us are capable of thinking on our own, forming complete sentences, shunning Ebonics, being consummate professionals at our crafts, and the list goes on. See, we're just like everyone else.

Howard Kurtz's column

Crackheads and BET

2009-06-30T18:04:00.002-04:00

For Hip Hop News & Entertainment at DimeWars.Com

I just want to know when will BET cease to exist? When will Debra Lee quit and go home? How many crackheads does one network need? I've got questions that need answers.

They introduced the world to Frankie, Keyshia Cole's mother, and her crackhead antics. They constantly play degrading music videos that leave much to be desired of the generations to come. And now two women who are famous for no real reason get their own show? I'm trying to give Tiny partial credit for her involvement in the group Xscape back in the 90's, but they haven't recorded anything in nearly a decade. She is only relevant because she is the walking womb for the rapper T.I. But Toya, well she's famous because she had a baby with Lil Wayne as a middle schooler. Wow just wow! These are the role models now huh? In the above clip, Toya goes to search for her crackhead mother in the streets of New Orleans where upon finding her she immediately begins to yell at this grown woman as though that's not her mother. I know the situation is probably frustrating to her, but that's not exactly how to reform a person with a drug problem. Tiny goes to her parents' house and it's revealed that her father has Alzheimer's. Her mother yells at him like he's 5. I just can't take it anymore. I haven't been a watcher of BET for quite sometime now and it seems like I won't ever be at the rate their going. But I'm not exactly their target audience anyway.

I just want to know how long can they continue to glorify these derogatory images of us and confirm for the less informed out there that we aren't a people of any depth and that we must surely be monolithic based on the fact that BET seems to only showcase one type of profile within our community. And don't give me crap about College Hill and Harlem Heights. The kids on College Hill all behave as though they were just released from barns and the young people on Harlem Heights were all perpetuating the flashy-living-well-beyond-my-means lifestyle all too prevalent in our community. That show gave no realistic view of Harlem or these people's lives. Don't get me started on the insult to intellect of the blatant product placement (I confess to watching a couple of eps online to see what it was about - Damn you Bowler Boy!) Oh and the star of that show was only so because she at one time dated a rapper. Which leads me to believe that the folks at BET hate women as they will only portray us as sex objects, crackheads, groupies, baby momma's, or round the way girls trying to make it in the world. News flash BET: not all of us fit this mold!!!

I understand that quality entertaining television will require BET to hire truly talented people with brains and at least a half working moral compass, but giving the world stereotype after stereotype for consumption is no way to make a profit. Boycotting BET isn't the answer. Protesting outside the home of their execs isn't the answer. BET, like any corporation, only responds to one thing and one thing only, dollars. If it don't make dollars it don't make sense. Let's start boycotting the sponsors of the programs on BET. Without their sponsor dollars they don't exist. I gotta figure out how to get an online petition started. But I guess I have to find out who sponsors this madness. Anyone know who airs commercials on BET?

He's Back

2009-06-30T17:55:00.002-04:00

Most people who personally know me, know that there exists a man I must pass on the route home from the train station and we'll call him "Baby Love" as that's his name for me. Of course, I neither openly acknowledge nor answer to his call. Well, it seems that Baby Love was missing for a few weeks. Those were happy peaceful weeks. My peaceful walk home has ended and Sugar Hill is now a scary place for a young innocent woman.

Last night as I carried two grocery bags home, Baby Love approached and here's what he said...

"You know you should let me carry those bags home for you. A woman needs a man who will meet her at the train after shopping and carry her bags. One day you are going to be coming home to me. You think I play with your girl. I'm serious what I say." All words must be said with a thick gruff Jamaican accent!

First, I'll never ever come home to him. There is no amount of despair that could drive me there. No laws in the land that would make that permissible and no human who hates me enough to force me to do it. Just not gonna happen. Secondly, this isn't the first time he has expressed contentment to let me come home from a day's work and shopping to bring something home to him! Why? Why? For the love of God why?!

Why Is It Relevant?

2009-06-24T08:14:00.006-04:00

The story of the Metro train crash in Washington, D.C. this week is a horrific story. When I first heard of it, I immediately thought the crash was related to signal/switch error. At this present time they are investigating just that. It is evidenced that the train's operator Jeanice McMillan had indeed pressed the emergency brake in an attempt to slow down and stop the computer operated train. Nine people died and 80 were injured. The operator, Ms. McMillan, was a single mother and leaves behind a college-aged son. Why is it relevant and necessary for USA Today to report that the woman had been sued by her apartment complex several times for late payment of rent or to mention that she was financially stretched thin?! Why in God's green Earth is that relevant? Everyone they interviewed had nothing but kind words to say. This is a woman who is at the center of a deadly and tragic accident. But this had nothing to do with her financial situation. Many many many many people function properly on their jobs even while dealing with financial stresses at home. What the pluck?! I just don't understand this.

USA Today shame on you!!!

I'm Not Buying It

2009-06-21T23:04:00.004-04:00

As anyone with a tattoo could tell you, it's not a process you can easily or at all sleep through. This poor young woman says she went into a tattoo parlor requesting 3 stars be placed on the left side of her face, a questionable choice to begin with, and instead fell asleep to awaken to 52 stars. She is now suing the parlor owner. He, of course, maintains that she was awake (which is highly probably) and that she in fact requested the work that was done. It was only after her father and boyfriend saw her face did she complain.

While I wasn't a witness to this incident nor do I know any party personally, allow me to offer my amateur opinion of the situation. This young woman who is, as most would say, only moderately attractive (Hey I'm just using language the world would use it's not me. I think all people are beautiful) was looking for attention. No one walks around with a belt buckle that says "Sexy" if they aren't looking for attention. She also went in admittedly asking for 3 stars to be placed on her face. I assume this young woman has no aspirations for a career in the corporate world, and if not that's fine. I just wonder what type of aspirations she has for life at all when you request such a blatant label on yourself like that. No one should judge her, least alone based off appearance, but it happens. How we dress and behave sends nonverbal cues to the public about our personality and how we wish to be viewed.

The fact that she says she slept through the procedure is a bold face lie. I'm not buying it. She needs more people and some lessons in honesty. In order to properly apply a tattoo, the body must be pretty motionless as to avoid any mistakes. No one sleeps sitting upright in a chair without leaning to some degree. She's lying. I said it. Sue me. You won't get anything, but go ahead and try. The shop owner is being quite generous in his offer to pay for half of the removal procedure.

Let's teach our young women they don't have to go through such extremes to be noticed. They don't have to engage in self-mutilation to feel unique. They are indeed fearfully and wonderfully made without going to extremes to prove it.

Details of the hot mess...

So Many Reasons

2009-06-20T23:03:00.005-04:00

Let's keep the Father's Day ball rolling and here are just a few of the many reasons to be thankful that the Silver Fox is my dad:

He's funnier accidentally than most people on purpose.
He brought home Krispy Kreme in the mornings to send me off to school.
He made every family vacation note worthy.
He supported my quest to win a Tom & Jerry prize by sending in post cards for months to TBS. He also supported my desire to have my coloring featured on the local news by "Coloring The Weather With Mike Graham!"
He randomly brought home people and told us they were family. It's nice to meet a new cousin every week.
He was just as excited about zoos and amusement parks as we were.
There is NOTHING he doesn't think can be grilled. And only hurricanes can prevent him from grilling.
No matter how irresponsible I was with my lunch money and allowance, he never complained when I ran out of either.
He showed me that real men do cry and they aren't afraid to express their love.
At 64 he doesn't want to slow down. As much as it may annoy me at times, I'm more grateful than I've ever admitted.

To The Silver Fox

2009-06-20T22:49:00.004-04:00

Dear Daddy AKA Silver Fox,

Although I'm miles from home and rarely in your presence, I think of you daily. I want so badly to let the world know how much you mean to me, but words leave me now and tears come. Just know that I love you and respect all that you've done and provided for me. The first man in any woman's life should be a loving, protective father. I'm glad you are mine. HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Being Reminded

2009-06-16T14:58:00.005-04:00

This the Tator Tot!!! She parties like a rock star (We never go to bed before 1am when I visit. She loves when I visit!) and lives like a princess (Yes she wears a tiara outside of the house & fairy costume most days). She reminds me that:

You don't need snow to try to make a snow angel (as evidenced in the above photo)!
Life consists of 2 very important & no cost essentials: love and fun!
It's totally ok to quote a toddler because they usually have better things to say than adults.
Children are products of their environment and hers happens to be the mall. Favorite Person, do better with your life!
You should try to get dressed up and look nice to go to "Jesus House."
Kids have no fear as apparent in her desire to jump without assistance into the pool this weekend.
My heart is capable of more love and pride than I ever thought imaginable. If this is a precursor to motherhood, my heart may not be able to handle it.

Yep, I'm still here

2009-06-16T14:51:00.004-04:00

and still thankful...

The Silver Fox is stalking Favorite Person. While I feel bad for her, I'm glad it's not me. Is it bad that I find the whole thing he-larry-us?!
The Silver Fox thought he was too hip to wear Rockports. It's nice to see he believes there is no age limit on cool (maybe in his case there should be).
Happy Birthday Cousin!! Remember: Growing older beats the alternative of dying young!
Just when I think I've messed up things royally, God still shows me grace.
I think I'm getting sick (achy body, itchy inner ear, sore throat, etc), but I'm alive and aware that a doctor's visit is only a phone call away. Many don't have the luxury of insurance. I encourage everyone to really examine the healthcare plan being discussed.
Queen Bee is putting on the pressure, but I'm confident she shall live and not die nor continue to pressure me in the process of living.
After weeks of harassment, Part-Time Puerto Rican has almost convinced me to join Facebook. What's up PT PR?!

Am I The Only One

2009-06-12T11:16:00.003-04:00

So I'm reading an article on CNN's site about James von Brunn, the accused shooter in the Holocaust Museum murder and I'm utterly amazed at what some people are willing to say on record. When a gallery owner was questioned about his knowledge of von Brunn's mental condition he had the following to say:

After three days, he said, von Brunn accused him of not doing enough to sell the paintings, telling him he "really needed money." Demolli said he gave the man $20, which he immediately used to buy beer and cigarettes and returned to the gallery, where he quickly began to disparage residents of the surrounding neighborhood, which was largely African-American.
"Then he started talking about the gas chambers, and I said, 'Jim, that's it. That's it. Time out.' I told him to get out of my gallery, and I started taking his paintings down," Demolli said. As he removed the last painting, he said, von Brunn opened his jacket to show him a pistol.

Is it just me or does it appear that the gallery owner was cool with von Brunn making disparaging remarks about African-Americans, but he had crossed the line to talk about Jews? Isn't it all wrong? Shouldn't we have respect for all races? Am I reading too much into the comment?

As Always

2009-06-12T11:13:00.004-04:00

I'm thankful...

That I have victory in all circumstances.
We are nearly half way through June and I'll see the folks in a month's time.
Even though it's rainy, I got nothing but sunshine.
Chi-Town Chica gave me the last installment of the series (so on point).
New friendships bring new revelations.

It's All True

2009-06-10T11:08:00.003-04:00

I just saw a man, who hasn't seen a day under 60 probably years ago, wearing a shirt that said, "I Am Hip-Hop"! I tell you no lie. Someone please go get your grandfather, please!! I wanted to take a picture with my phone but he was walking too fast.

This sort of reminds me of when the Silver Fox started wearing a hat that said "Hustler" or the time he told me that he was a fan of Ludacris' song "I Got H*&s". You know that song. The one where he has young ladies in different area codes. Why? Highstepper? Favorite Person? Cajun Spice? Bronx Bomber? Somebody tell me what's going on with the seniors these days?

I'm Not Racist, But....

2009-06-09T16:05:00.003-04:00

When I call an American corporation to resolve an issue, I want someone (doesn't have to be American) who speaks English and is able to fully comprehend what I'm saying and I them. I've just spent the past hour (make that 2 hours now!!!) on the phone with a U.S. based company who has hung up on me 4 times!!! All because there was a breakdown in communication. Me telling them that I'm not calling about one matter, but rather another, seems to prompt them to think there is no need for the call! Jesus please take the wheel!

The Weekend Was Good

2009-06-08T07:58:00.002-04:00

Therefore, I'm mucho thankful!

On Friday I had dinner with Part-Time Puerto Rican and Miss. Scorsese. We went to the NY Historical Society to catch an exhibit on Harlem by which I was terribly bothered, but dinner was cool. Apparently, neither of them have lost their senses of humor.
Saturday while leaving out of the train station, a guy told me, "keep your head up because your face illuminates the sky." It was a kind gesture. That was until he said, "I bet you didn't know that word huh? Nobody ever told you you illuminate before right?" I think I should be offended.
There was a feast for the eyes at Riverside Park. No explanation needed!
I cooked a meal so tasty yesterday that I gave myself a high five and had seconds and thirds. So much for any benefit of running at Riverside Park the day before:-(
Bronx Bomber and Chi-Town Chica both warned me that I'm too old for colored denim, much to the delight of Cajun Spice and in agreement with Favorite Person weeks before, but I didn't believe none of them until I saw pictures of the Sasha and Malia in Paris this weekend. But in my defense, I wanted "pale" colored denim not this vibrant stuff they have on. But point has been taken and I'll relinquish that desire (for now).

I Owe You An Apology

2009-06-07T16:51:00.002-04:00

Hi Folks,

While reading an article on The Times website just now about abandoned blogs, I was immediately struck with conviction. Because I track visits to the site, I can see that I've been getting hits everyday. Thanks so much for your support, but I owe you all an apology. I don't want to take your support of me for granted and that's exactly what I've done. I started out with a bang, making posts daily. But some how some way, my productivity shuttered. Oops.

On Friday, Part-Time Puerto Rican made a joke about the frequency or infrequency with which I was making posts and it stung a little. I wasn't offended, just had a moment of shame. So often we, no I, start "hobbies" with really great intentions and then, they fizzle. Keep me honest people. If I don't make a post everyday or at least every other day, call or email me and tell me off. I do want to keep this thing going. And unless I explicitly say I'm no longer blogging, then I need to be held accountable. Sad but true, I do!

I'm Still Thankful

2009-06-03T12:50:00.002-04:00

I'm so happy that India.Arie is still making music (download "Yellow").
Progress is slow, but at least it happens when you dedicate yourself to it.
Queen Bee called today because she used her super powers to detect that I needed a call from her to help set my mind at ease.
The Silver Fox is a handful (translation: hot mess), but I think it keeps him ticking.
The Sensation gave good compassionate advice. I appreciate him for that.
Bowler Boy and Crazy Cousin are still up to no good overseas.

I have a girl crush

2009-06-03T12:38:00.003-04:00

Don't worry, I still intend to marry a man but now I'm crushing on Toni. Yes, it's true. I am indeed crushing on the one and only Ms. Toni Morrison!!!!!

This past Sunday I went to Palisades, NY to attend a talk hosted by the Rockland County Public Library. She was awesome. Super wow-tastic!! She was funny, alert, totally present, serious, cerebral, gracious, bold, quick-witted, confident, and any other adjective you would apply to a well-adjusted extremely balanced in personality living legend. I'm going to be just like her when I grow up. I was sitting less than 10 feet away from this beautiful woman and I couldn't stop grinning. I got to ask her advice on writing and she related to my question and said she had struggled with the exact same thing when she began to embark on a writing career. Oh, she didn't publish her first novel until she was 39!!! Whew! That means I still have time to be the well-known international legend I know I'll be. Right know, I'm a bit of an unknown legend, but that will all be over soon enough:-) Still excited about that afternoon. Good stuff indeed!

Am I Being Naive?

2009-05-31T09:34:00.003-04:00

Disney, for the first time in its history, is about to unveil an African-American princess movie (Happy now Favorite Person?). "The Princess and the Frog" won't be out until December, but it's already creating a stir. In the movie the princess is a cook and the story is set in New Orleans in the 1920s.

Apparently, folks are upset with Disney for a number of reasons including: it's insensitive to set a story about Blacks in New Orleans given what happened during Hurricane Katrina, it's a stereotype to give her a profession as a cook, and the prince has a fair complexion with "decidedly non-black" features.

I'm not suggesting that cartoons over the years, especially those produced by Disney, have not furthered the ignorant notions of stereotypes, but are we being a little too sensitive? Setting a story in New Orleans I think conjures up memories of the intriguing history and beauty of the city; in the 1920s Black women didn't have a large diversity of careers other than cooks or maids, yes some were teachers or nurses but let's look at the majority of what Black women were employed as; and while I understand there are features we normally characterize as Black (I, myself containing most of them), it's an uninformed mind who thinks that all Black folks have wide noses, large lips, and dark skin. We are indeed the most diverse in appearance people in the world.

Disney may very well be sneaking in some biases. I've seen it with my own two (or four) eyes in movies from them. But am I being naive to think that maybe they have good intentions and we are being too sensitive? Is it possible that if there are stereotypes in the movie they were unintentional and arise out of someone's misinformed mind but good intent nonetheless?

Her Prince Has Come. Critics, Too.

Why I'm Thankful

2009-05-30T12:31:00.004-04:00

This week has been major for me and quite frankly, I'm on a Supreme high. Here's why...

I'm getting closer to the fulfillment of a promise.
I did 4 miles on the track at Riverside Park this morning without passing out.
Writing is going well.
Queen Bee didn't shot down my idea when I gave it to her. She was extremely supportive.
I'm going to see Toni Morrison tomorrow and I'm super excited!
I didn't see Frederick Douglass at all this past week so, there was no need to hurry about from train to train for fear that he may try to talk to me.
The sun is back out. Glory be!
I feel really comfortable just being me. That isn't always as easy or common sensical as it may seem.
I forgave the Hudson. Progress is good.
I don't care what the calendar says, summer is here!!!!!

Separate But Equal

2009-05-30T12:21:00.003-04:00

Growing up in South Louisiana in the '90s I experienced the effects of a state still trying to find remedies for the disparages in education amongst majority and minority groups. I ended up in what was loosely known as the Transfer Program. Although where I lived had decent to good schools, I was still required to be bused to another school outside of my neighborhood. It wasn't a simple process. I would rise to catch a bus that took me to a sort of bus depot where there were hundreds of other kids and we would all "transfer" to another bus that would then take us to school. Often times, you passed back through your neighborhood from the transfer stop to get to school. It didn't make sense that I had to rise an hour earlier than everyone else so I could go to school. Many times the school I was being sent to was only 15 minutes from my home and the quality of education was about the same. All of this was an effort by the East Baton Rouge Parish School Board to integrate their school system and provide equal education to all students. Check out this video on the NY Times Blogging Heads site as they debate the notion of modern day segregated schools. I found it interesting. How about you?

Blogging Heads

Several Questions

2009-05-29T16:35:00.003-04:00

I have questions minor and not so minor.

Why are we two days shy of June and I'm still in a sweater?
Why won't my allergies relent?

Ok now for more serious stuff...

Enough About Sotomayor

2009-05-28T10:51:00.003-04:00

Yeah yeah, I get it. Sonia Sotomayor will be, if confirmed, the first Latina and only 3rd woman to sit on the Supreme Court. But why isn't anyone talking about the other first? President Obama has named Retired Maj. Charles Bolden to be the head of NASA. He'll be the first African-American to hold this position. I think it's awesome. He's a celebrated serviceman and after retiring, enrolled as a fellow at Harvard to study ways to improve healthcare for African-Americans, specifically those suffering with sickle cell anemia. Our kids need to see that there exists exciting careers in science and mathematics.

Check out Major Bolden at...

Washington Post

Bloomberg

Wikipedia

Thanks Alice

2009-05-28T10:40:00.004-04:00

So I'm still reading through the ruminations of Alice Walker and yesterday I came across a wonderful analogy she gave about being hurt or offended by someone. She says...

"Suppose someone shot you with an arrow, right in the heart. Would you spend your time screaming at the archer, or even trying to locate him? Or would you try to pull the arrow out of your heart? Screaming at the archer is a sure why to remain attached to your suffering rather than easing or eliminating it. A better way is to learn a way to free yourself from the pain of being shot, no matter who the archer might be."

Sometimes our offenders are unaware of the offense and sometimes they had full knowledge of such. But what good will it do us to try to get them to acknowledge or submit to it when we have a very real and present injury/hurt to tend to? Forgiveness is a benefit to you, not the other person.

Ok Favorite Person

2009-05-28T10:36:00.003-04:00

I got your email last night and I have no excuse for my lack of posts. Truly I don't. Any reason would just be an excuse in support of mediocrity. But if I must offer any reasoning, it would be my still dismal track record with time management...

Code Pink

2009-05-21T10:29:00.004-04:00

I woke up this morning on a supernatural high!!! Here's what's happened so far...

I literally woke up singing a Lauryn Hill song.
I put Lauryn and India.Arie back on my iPod.
I smiled at the raspberries in my cereal and hummed as I ate them.
I said hi to or smiled at every person I locked eyes with on the way to the train.
I smiled on the train all the way downtown.
I chuckled at the thought of my reading Alice Walker's menopause poems. Don't judge me...
When I got off the train and felt the warmth of the sun and the cool breeze from the river, I literally began to walk with a bop in my step that if only slightly more pronounced, it would've been a skip.
I sang out loud walking down the street.
I ran into Frederick Douglass and actually said hi to him. Y'all normally he works my last nerve. I wonder if I can get him to pose for a picture so I can prove to you unbelievers he truly exists.
I ran into a friend of my old boss who I normally find sleazy and try to avoid whenever possible. I actually had a brief convo with him and wasn't repulsed.
I daydreamed about having a picnic with the Tot when I see her later this summer!!!!!!

I hope you guys are having an awesome day!!!!!

Someone's Lying

2009-05-20T13:31:00.003-04:00

Last month Jaheem Herrera, an 11 year old elementary student in ATL, hung himself in his bedroom. While his suicide was unexpected, his parents knew he had been the target of bullying at school. Several weeks ago when I first heard about this case I was numb, angry, and sad. Parents send their kids to school with an expectation of safety.

There was an investigation conducted by the school system into the bullying claims post-suicide, but no one ever took them seriously when they were first mentioned. Now the investigation concludes that no one was bullying the child beyond "name-calling and teasing." Other parents and students interviewed stated that bullying is a problem at the school. Some parents stated that their kids were choked and beaten with buckles. But because teachers and school administrators say otherwise, the investigation says bullying wasn't a problem.

So the Dekalb County school district and Dunaire Elementary school want me to believe this child just hung himself because he was simply not popular? While one cannot be held responsible for the emotional state of another, especially not children, there still needs to be a demand for justice!

http://www.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/dekalb/stories/2009/05/20/jaheem_bully_school.html?cxntlid=homepage_tab_newstab

Yep I'm Thankful

2009-05-19T10:45:00.004-04:00

I went to bed before 10:00 last night. While this prevented me from making the much needed blog entries, I popped up this morning at 4:30 with a spring in my step and I feel super rested. Who knew going to bed before 1a.m. would be so helpful?
I'm reading a collection of poems, essays, and speeches by Alice Walker and I'm thoroughly enjoying it. I have apparently, without my noticing, turned into a person who could read about gardening potatoes and allowing cats and dogs to teach us how to love Mother Earth and not want to vomit after doing so. Bowler Boy, I know you will undoubtedly judge my life at news of this, but go ahead. I have nothing to be ashamed of.
I'm looking forward to my call with the Silver Fox later today.
While I'm saddened by the fact that it's almost Memorial Day and I'm still wearing scarves, I can't ignore the fact that SUMMER IS ALMOST HERE!!!!!
Favorite Person I'm having a Code Pink day!!!!!! I love it!!! (Inside joke don't fret if you don't know it LOL)

It's True I've Changed

2009-05-19T10:13:00.006-04:00

At the corner of Convent Avenue and 148th Street in New York, there sits a church. I'm not sure how long this church has been there. I pass it everyday on my commute and so, I can attest that for the past 3 years it's been in that location. On my walk home from the nearby train station a few days ago, I passed by that church and a middle-aged man walked by and was astonished by the fact that the church was there. "It's still here. Everything has changed, but this church is still here." He then turned in circles to survey the area.

I'm sure Sugar Hill has done a lot of changing over the years. While most of the original buildings are still there, since Sugar Hill hasn't seen the type of gentrification Central Harlem has, I'm sure it looks a bit different than before. Nothing stays the same, it always changes. Change is a growing, moving process and anything that grows changes its appearance.

While the true nature of my character has remained consistent, there are lots of things about me that have changed. In fact, over the last year alone I've had 4 different hairstyles. When presented with a picture of my current incarnation with braids, the Tot didn't know who I was. When I speak to the Boys, they ask me about my hair. Even these children understand my need to change my hair. But my change has been much more substantial than just hairstyles.

In conversation last week, I told someone that I'm an honest person. This is true. In fact, Favorite Person thinks this is the area in life in which I excel (thanks). However, I've learned to administer a different type of honesty in recent months. Before, I would just speak the truth in it's plainest form and gave no consideration as to how the hearer might perceive it. This led at one point to a former mentor telling me that I "lacked tact and had no charisma," a comment we still get a laugh out of. Now, it's important to me that I deliver honesty with more than a grain of grace and mercy. I try whenever possible to put a soft edge around it to make the pill go down easier. In the past I thought this was somehow diluting the truth, but truth is truth plain and simple. When the person I was in conversation with told me I didn't have to place a soft edge around the truth when speaking to them, I instinctively said I couldn't forgo the soft edge anymore. I hadn't realized it, but I had become this person who is now incapable of trying to place a soft edge around the hardness that can sometimes envelope truth.

Yesterday, a friend told me that I didn't have to apologize for giving them what they asked for and for being honest. I explained that the apology was for any offense that may have occurred when I administered the feedback. She felt that people are responsible for their own feelings and that to apologize for a possible offense was maybe going the "extra mile". Even if I were to agree that it's going the extra mile, I'm completely comfortable going the extra mile. At this point, it's another thing I can't help. And while I agree we are all responsible for our own feelings and no one can "make" you feel a certain way, I believe we can provoke or incite certain feelings in people if we are neglectful. One of my favorite quotes is by Eleanor Roosevelt and she said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." True. But I've become a person who doesn't even want to offer the opportunity for that consent.

As we age, we hope to gain wisdom from experiences and allow that wisdom to change us for the better. Even with this hope of positive change gleaned from transformative wisdom, I'm still amazed by the little glances into the "new" me. Both of those moments helped me to see that I was further along on this wisdom journey than I thought I was.

What's In A Look

2009-05-14T14:14:00.003-04:00

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What happens when the person you want to behold you doesn't see the beauty? The Loan Officer told me that a lady friend of his asked him if he found her attractive. His response, "I've learned to appreciate all types of women." Insert blank stare and pursed lips here. Once I stopped laughing, he told me I was wrong for laughing and to stop being superficial. My laughs honestly had nothing to do with the fact that he didn't find this woman physically attractive, but more so his choice of words. He told me that he had learned to look beyond the physical.

Is looking beyond the physical completely possible? Keeping it real, physical attractiveness draws in the other person from across the room and gets you that initial introduction. However, there must be some sort of quality of character and charm of personality that keep people interested. Cajun Spice was once told that she should be thankful that she wasn't born ugly after complaining about life. I guess the speaker figured life might be harder for her if she were more unappealing. But even she has to be concerned with inner substance. She can't rest on her God-didn't-make-me-ugly laurels.

In the end, beauty fades. The hot body becomes lukewarm or freezing cold. And what's left? You better have the character and personality to sustain you. We are inundated with images of what beauty really is. None of these images are true. Beauty is whatever appeals to the individual and it's something we all possess. You'd be hard pressed to find any person from any corner of the Earth that I can't find something beautiful about. We're all fearfully and wonderfully made. Every product made by the Creator is a specialty item. There aren't any outlets where they place humans who are defective on sale. Their value in life isn't anymore diminished because you didn't find them appealing. You may not float the boat of everyone yourself.

This piece by CNN was very sad to me. The lady who had been teased so much that she preferred the company of her 3 dogs and 3 cats to that of humans was almost heartbreaking. Check it out: http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/05/12/appearances.irpt/index.html

In the words of Phyllis, "You got to what? You got to what? You got to love yourself!!!!" This is better said while dancing, touching yourself, and having a small Mexican man yell out "Yes you can. You can do it!"

The Caged Bird's Song

2009-05-14T07:00:00.006-04:00

Maya Angelou wrote a book about it. Alicia Keys wrote song about. I've often felt like it. So why does the caged bird sing? This beautifully made creature was in the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. (a whack zoo take my word for it, but you get what you pay for). She sat behind the incredibly visible strings that signaled her boundaries in life. She was created to soar above the fray of life on the ground. She has a robe of gorgeous feathers longing to be seen and appreciated. And she has a song in her heart. There is a ceiling on her life and she knows it. She stretches her wings for flight only to go 2 feet away from her launching point. That has to be frustrating. So indeed, she may sing because the only joy she has comes from releasing her song.

Ever felt like the caged bird?

It's Oh So Long

2009-05-14T06:34:00.003-04:00

I've had all sorts of reasons to be thankful, too numerous to count. However, I'll try...

Seeing pics of the Tot makes me anticipate my trip home this summer all the more. She is possibly the funniest person I know. Cajun Spice, Condoleezza, and I often run around quoting her. At 30, should we find the sayings of a 3 yr old quotable?
Condoleezza started her LSAT prep classes.
I had a blast this past weekend with Cajun Spice to celebrate her accomplishment!
I spoke to my Loan Officer (childhood loan officer that is) on my way down to Maryland and he is hysterical. Why do I forget how funny he is? I truly thought the Amtrak folks were gonna put me off the train. The poor baby doesn't even realize how funny he is. IMO: that's the best kind of funny to be!
Favorite Person got an iPhone so pictures are coming fast and furious. See what a difference a data package can make?
More wine arrived in the office yesterday and thank the Lord it was only 1 box!!!!!!
Apparently TT truly believes she's made of brown sugar. Anything the kids can do to boost their self-esteem I'm all for!
Bowler Boy signed the lease on his 1st solo apartment. After years of being someone's roommate (sometimes randomly chosen from Craigslist) he is finally going to live on his own. It only took crossing an ocean to do so! Free lodging in Europe OWA OWA!!!
In the braid shop last week I watched a Nigerian movie and I do declare they are a bit more entertaining than I'd like to admit (maybe TP should watch and learn). However, I can't figure out why everyone is named after an adjective: Lucky, Happy, Beautiful, etc. Oh and there's a whole series on a character named Beyonce!!
I spoke to the Silver Fox yesterday and each time I tried to get off the phone, he'd say ok and then launch a whole new conversation. Rather than be annoyed, I was actually flattered by it. I don't call him nearly enough. I miss him:-(

Battle Formation

2009-05-10T10:41:00.019-04:00

This weekend I watched the Greek battle movie 300 on dvd (more insight from this weekend to come). The premise of the movie is this: The great Spartan warriors with their valiant king take on the whole of the Persian army that numbers well into the tens of thousands with an "army" of 300 of the king's personal bodyguards because he's been told that he can't wage war using the Spartan army. This group of 300 are able to fight off the legions of Persian warriors for quite some time before being defeated.

They indeed fought a losing battle but, it was the manner in which they were able to be as successful as they were that intrigued me and sent me to Wikipedia to learn more about these people and their battles. They fought in a phalanx formation. In a phalanx, the emphasis is on the unit acting as one rather than one person fighting within a unit. Each man carries his shield on his left to protect the man on his left while using his weaponry with his right hand. This allows them to move in such a way as to be an impenetrable force. It's a formation still in use today.

The effectiveness of a phalanx is based on how well they are able to maintain their formation in battle. Members of a phalanx have to trust and be willing to protect their neighbors. In the Greek army, warriors were placed next to and required to protect their family and friends as an incentive to stick to the formation as well as a means to discourage a warrior from retreating for risk of shame. This created a more disciplined and courageous army that could win in battle.

Even though this wasn't the first time I'd heard of this formation, I guess it resonated with me during the movie because of recent ruminations about my own life and the times in which we live. Knowing that a cord of 3 strands is not easily broken, I wonder why is it that so many amongst us seem to think otherwise? How much more effective in life would we be if we implemented the phalanx mentality? Everyone's motto seems to be to "get mine."

The fact that these men could protect their fellow man with one arm and protect themselves with the other proves to me that it's possible to help the advancement of another while you also advance. On blogs, people are cutting down one another and wishing misfortune on those who are striving towards their dreams or trying to make an impact in society; teens are being cyber bullies; in professional environments, team members are actively engaged in sabotage so they can appear to be the lone shining star; the rich often see charity as welfare or a P.R. opportunity; and in relationships, many feel to compromise for the good of the whole is somehow short changing the individual. For these and countless other reasons, I wonder how long can a society survive like this?

If a family says to each other "No matter what, this is our focus" and lets no outside force interfere with their pursuit of the goal as a collective unit, how much faster will they get there? Is it impossible to think that two people on a job with different areas of expertise and strengths could team up and present an innovative idea that allows both of them an opportunity for promotion? Could the problem of poor education in our schools and the societal issues that result from it be solved if parents, teachers, and administrators banded together for the good of the common purpose which is to educate the minds of our brightest hopes: our kids?

I'm about to ingrain the phalanx in my life. My family, my friends, my co-workers, my spirit and soul, everything and everyone need to be lined up for a purpose of common good.

Questions From The Laundromat

2009-05-07T08:58:00.006-04:00

Whilst most of you are by now familiar with the fact that I bemoan going to the laundromat, most probably don't know that I find it a terribly emotion inducing place. Each time I'm in there I'm presented with an opportunity to choose between laughing and crying. For instance: should I feel sad for or entertained by the woman in the wheelchair who often comes in singing hits from the '80s and early '90s? Guy and Keith Sweat are her favorites. Tis true my peeps, tis true.

Glance if you will at the photo below. To the right of the pic are 2 women (you can barely see them to protect their privacy). Apparently, they live in some sort of rehab or shelter center. Here are some of the comments I overheard this morning (Yes, I was ear hustling.):

"Girl come here. Na listen I want to tell you something. Na this is between me and you 'cause I don't want nobody knowing 'bout this." My question: There are maybe only 4 of us in there, but still is the laundromat the place to tell your secrets?

"All they serve us at that place is turkey wings and chopped meat. Na if you tell 'em you want something dey'll go buy it. But then dey don't all the time buy exactly what you asked fo." My questions: What is chopped meat? Is it a specific sort of meat or could any meat be considered "chopped"? If someone is buying food for you, do you have a right to be picky about it?

"Let me tell you, between us, she got $2K and some change in September and na she claiming she ain't got no money. What she done wit all dat money? I did nice things for her when she needed help, but she didn't pay me back for it." My questions: When you truly, sincerely do nice things for people are you supposed to expect to be paid back? Also, how long did she expect the $2k and change really last?

They were joined by a gentleman from the same home/shelter where they live (right of the photo below). His exchange was this:

Woman: You going out this weekend?

Man: Yes ma'am I am. Sh#t I went out last night.

Woman: Oh you off of restriction?

Man: Yes, I gots things to do.

Woman: So what you left after the meeting last night?

Man: Yeah child. I can't be staying in that home all the time. The streets be calling. I only use that place to sleep and eat.

My question: Isn't the call of the street possibly what landed you in the home/shelter anyway?

Best Things Today

2009-05-06T01:14:00.005-04:00

Favorite Person sent me angry emails all day that I thought were he-larry-us. Favorite Person doesn't do a good job of trying to have attitude. I never believe her. Years of her cheerleading have left me cynical that she can actually be attitudinal unprovoked.
I think Favorite Person has a possible subject for an episode of "Snapped" in her licensing class. Apparently, one woman kept asking about felonies and married couples getting life insurance. The lady became excited to learn that you didn't need your spouse's signature to get a policy on them! Yay for accidental cyanide dropping in your red beans!! I guess...
As I was typing the last post, I kept hearing banging in the hall. I thought it was the Latin Ike and Tina who live next door to me, but I get a FAIL. It was the fire dept. beating on the door of the elderly couple across the hall. They began to yell out "Fire Department," but it took my neighbors forever and a day to open the door. I opened mine to find 4 firemen in uniform with a sledgehammer and helmets standing in the hall. It was clear beyond their verbal identification who they were, but when my neighbor opened his door he said, "Who are you?!" I tell you no lie. This is all factual.
I dropped clothes off at the cleaners this morning and before walking away from the counter, I checked the pocket on my dress to find cash in it. As I was pulling it out, the employee asked, "Oh is that YOUR money?" Ah, who else would it be for?!
Cajun Spice called to make sure I was prepping myself to leave out on Thursday night or so she claimed. When she began talking, I was able to quickly identify that she was just bored and not concerned in the least bit about my dirty laundry. But after being called out she said, "So! I'm trying to fall asleep and I can't!" Yep, cause that's a good comeback to a friend telling you they know they're being used!

I'm truly thankful that I had these reasons and more to laugh today.

Life or Art

2009-05-06T00:12:00.003-04:00

As a society, we need art. We need the symphony, museums, theater, and dance. It isn't enough to simply want them; we have to make sure they exist and thrive. Self expression through these cultural forms is vital to the telling of a people's history, promoting understanding, and validating individual and collective experiences. It's a tragedy to never see one's self reflected back to them in some form of media. Our lives are inundated with images telling us what we are and aren't. It's nice to every so often stumble upon a depiction you feel is true or possibly so. I don't like to admit it, but there needs to be both an August Wilson and a Tyler Perry. People have a right to see themselves creatively.

Personally, I've been fascinated with art since grammar school. I have always known that creative expression would be a part of my life somehow. In September 2001, I moved to Baltimore to take a full-time internship at a regional theater that paid only $85 a week!!! Not because it was the only thing I could find, but it was what I knew would make me happy and I was willing to sacrifice for it. What I was able to expose myself to, I don't think I could've made up for in a salaried position fresh out of school. But the experience wasn't all roses. Sure, I made wonderful friends, saw plays every week, visited sister cultural organizations around town, and met cool actors, but there were indeed times that troubled me.

For starters, I was one of only 3 African-American interns. I recall only 2 other African-Americans working there and they were both women. No young Black men to jump into the creative arena. And there were 2 African-American board members. You must keep in mind that when you combine staff, crew, and board members, there are over 100 people working to make a theater function. Why aren't more of us becoming involved in a more meaningful way with large cultural institutions? Can we complain that we don't see ourselves on stage when we aren't submitting our work to be shown? Can we complain about outreach when more of us are afraid or too busy to step up and become board members? Are we not willing to sacrifice instant pay off for maybe a more fulfilling career option? I'll tell you what, earning that $85/wk while bartending and babysitting around B-more to supplement it was actually a period of my life I look to more fondly than I did my first 5 years in NYC!!

But not just behind the scenes, we need to as audiences take ownership over what we find entertaining and inform decision-makers of what we are interested in seeing. All too often I saw the biggest crowds of Black folks in the shows that were African-American led. We go to the movie theaters to see De Niro, Pitt, Cruise, or Pacino, but we won't go see a production of Miller, Williams, or Coward? Annoyingly, when I did get to see my people come to plays, there would always be those who didn't seem to know the protocol. I had to face the same while seeing African-American led shows on Broadway. Folks came late; talked back to the stage; believe it or not, I actually saw someone sneak in Popeye's chicken to a show; and I won't get started on the cell phone ringing or constant walking and talking. Yes people, there is a protocol no matter where you are!!

This weekend, I came across an article in the New York Times about a production of Arthur Miller's "Death of a Salesman" now running at Yale Rep. They have decided to mount a color-blind cast, meaning they using Black folks y'all for a play originally intended for a white cast. I was ruminating on the fact that the article makes plain that before his untimely death, August Wilson objected to this practice on the basis that 'To mount an all-black production of a 'Death of a Salesman' or any other play conceived for white actors as an investigation of the human condition through the specifics of white culture is to deny us our humanity, our own history."

I have a ton of respect for Mr. Wilson, but I'm not so sure I agree. Isn't the human condition the same when you strip away the markers of cultural, racial, or gender identity? We all have the same basic human needs: love, companionship, acceptance, success, freedom, etc. I understand that because of the aforementioned markers, these things look different for every group, but at the core they are the same. I love the fact that there are stories to be told from the unique perspective of the African-American experience. But is it so hard to fathom that "our" experience looks different for each one of us?

The article supports Mr. Wilson's view by referencing a portion of the script wherein the son wants to go live on a ranch in Texas in 1949. That doesn't support anything in my view. White or any other group doesn't own the sole rights to ranching. I, for one, long to live on a ranch one day. I love horses. And the fact that they say it's because of the year doesn't prove anything to me either. There's nothing new under the sun, nothing - I promise. My desire to live on a ranch isn't foreign to Black people. I'm certain that even in 1949 there existed some young brother or sister who wanted to escape it all and go to a ranch. Owning land of any sort is part of the American Dream.

I'd been concerned over whether or not they stories I want tell will be "Black enough." But what does that mean? My influences vary from Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers to Diahann Carroll and James Earl Jones. How do I express my experience without being told "we don't live or think like that" and still create something that everyone wants to see? I guess I say screw it, write what's in my heart, pray that I have enough grace and favor to be blessed with an audience, and go to bed knowing I created something that I was happy with.

On Friday, I'll connect with a friend who has a theater company in D.C. and I can say I'm proud of what she has done. She has chosen to tell our stories in all the ways that "our stories" may look and to help others who are brave enough to try to do the same.

Support the arts with your time and money. It's the only way "our" or any other type of story will survive. Trust me, I'm not trying to go to no one's house and listen to them retell me "A Raisin In The Sun" or "For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When The Rainbow Wasn't Enough" with your bad butt kids running around in sheets as costumes and your Cousin Bobby as the sound effects. Don't do it. I'll walk out and never return!